Let us talk about news article titles for a moment. I was sauntering through CNN's website today and on the "Most Popular" sidebar I saw an article title that piqued my interest. It was short, simple, and provided all the information that I needed. It read, and here I am quoting, "Woman beheads man". That's it. Now, to me, that provides all the information that I require from the article. A woman, supposedly with two X chromosomes, beheads a man. In the interest of science, I decided to read further anyway. I clicked on the link, and before my eyes came the revelation that the true article title included an extra clause. "Woman beheads man, parades it through streets." Wow, it takes my breath away. The extra clause was not necessary at first, but now that I have seen it, it is essential. A woman, once again I assume with two X chromosome, beheads a man, and proceeds to parade through the streets with "it" (the head). It is somewhat magical, really. After reading the article, however, the magic was gone. It provided more information that was necessary, or even interesting. I think CNN should've just left it as the title. (sauce).

I don't feel like writing anything, so I get to post a YouTube video. It's... it's saddening. The video, I mean. I feel no qualms about posting a video that's silly.

(Note: the title of the post is meant to be ironic)

Option 1: Wait a minute, I’ve seen this scenario before. If I’m trapped in a mall, that just means the zombies are about to come. I would head to the gun store first and foremost, unless it’s already swarming with the undead. In that case I would likely speed to the outdoor rec store and stock up on hatchets and supplies.

Option 2: I would break into the security camera control room and just watch videos of people in the one dollar store. I always suspect that these stores have high crime rates, but I never had evidence for this feeling. Hopefully watching the old videos during store hours would give me the closure I need.

Option 3: The question did not really state a time period in which I would be trapped. If I was trapped in a mall for several months, I would first and foremost ravage the pretzel stands before they all go cold (ew… cold pretzels). I would then secure water by locating a functioning drinking fountain. I would then go to the toy store and make the biggest, most kick-ass RC car race course ever. It would be epic with several loops, jumps, and Rube Goldberg-like props. Hey, it’s not like I have a shortage of time, right?

Option 4: The question also did not question whether I would be alone. Assuming there were several people trapped in the mall with me and there was no hope of escape at any time (maybe we had some sort of contagious disease and we were quarantined), I would probably try to establish myself as leader and have first pick with all of the women in the newly created Mall Tribe™. This, of course, would also require an early excursion to the gun shop, or at least the security office.

Option 5: Try on all of the department store clothes (dammit, highheels are hard to walk in).

   

I just answered this Featured Question; you can answer it too!

Okay everyone, it's time for a little reader interaction. For those of you who enjoy this type of thing, I want to try and have a Photoshop challenge. The topic for this challenge will be Barack Obama's birth certificate. I've read a few accusations that the image was doctored. This is probably nonsense, so I want you all to prove it by doctoring your own birth certificate for the colloquially known "Nobama".

Rules for the contest:

1. Try to keep it silly. I'm not going for anything seriously politcal. Other than that, let your imagination run wild.
2. It doesn't need to be just the birth certificate itself, it just needs to have it somewhere in it.
3. You don't really have to use Photoshop. That just seems to be the accepted term for such a contest. If you're more comfortable with Paint or GIMP, knock yourself out.
4. No "goatse".

The prize for winning will be a hearty "atta boy/girl". I will be the sole arbiter and judgement will be final. I'll probably do an entry, but I will not allow myself to win (who says atheists don't have morals?). I know I don't often request recommendations, but I do hope people will at least spread the word. I want to see some fun entries. Have fun!

Oh me, oh my, it's the start of a new anime season, and this time we have a fresh crop of series (well, they're actually mostly sequels). I must say that all of these look pretty good. Most of them are exceptionally generic, and that's just the way (uh-huh, uh-huh) I like it. Once again, the series I am following will be listed from highest priority to lowest.

Toradora!
Genre: romantic-comedy

If you don't improve my grade... I WILL SCRATCH THE BACK OF MY HEAD! No, anything but that!

This one is going to be epic. I've read the first two volumes of the manga and I like what I see. First, you take a generic loser-kun protagonist that has a face like a yakuza gang-banger, then mix in a tsundere-Lolita and a series of improbable events that forces the two of them together and you have... well, a pretty generic plot. I will tell you that it remains awesome, though. This one definitely earns the top spot on my list.

Nodame Cantabile - Paris Chapter
Genre: romantic-comedy

I understand neither French nor Japanese. I assume she's saying something like "rake me"?

Yay! They finally came out with a sequel for one of my favorite series of all time. Frankly, I'm amazed it was ousted from the top spot myself (can't win against a tsundere-Lolita). Everyone's (that's right: every single person's) favorite music students are back... and in a totally different setting. Already they have met with two complete nutjobs to round out the cast that got left behind: a shameless Russian and an otaku of unknown heritage. Oh, I am just on tenterhooks!

Clannad ~After Story~
Genre: romantic-comedy, drama

Redundant statement

Nodame doesn't have the only long-awaited sequel on the list. Clannad also gets the microwave leftover treatment with After Story. I'm starting to think KyoAni has a Philosopher's Stone, since everything they touch turns to gold. I mean, Clannad's story is basically "boy meets girls and stuff happens". They just find some way to make it all incredibly entertaining. I need some of whatever they're on.

Kannagi
Genre: harem

What kind of righteous god would allow such a poorly placed leaf to exist?

Premise: boy makes a girl out of wood, which suddenly comes to life (got wood? lol). Boy must now fight world's impurities with girl, who is actually a god, and hopefully stumble upon a wealth of lascivious situations. I say it's a harem anime, but I'm not 100-percent sure. I am basing this merely on what I assume. It could very well be some deep, thought-provoking supernatural epic, in which case I will readily drop it in favor of an anime that is a harem anime.

ef - a tale of melodies
Genre: trippy

They're not mine! I was holding them for, uh... a friend!

Another sequel, but this one isn't as exciting. I really don't know why they decided to make another ef. I was actually satisfied with the ending of the first one (and I'm not usually satisfied with endings). I guess the studio just wanted to play around with their trippy, nouvelle vague art style. You would think they would have learned to capitalize their letters this time around.

Akane-iro ni Somaru Saka
Genre: comedy? romance? action? (I dunno)

He is totally playing a pink 360... that appears to plug into the TV twice.

ALL! HAIL! Generic school-life romantic-comedy anime #11378. Ah... I never get tired of that genre. They can re-air the exact same series over an over again and add maybe one new character every time and I would still love it (they are following this model with Zero no Tsukaima). Anyway, this one seems like it has some deeper plot that's trying to break through, but it is constantly halted by the onslaught of peppy female voice-actors and the romantic escapades of the characters. Why, in the very first episode we see: a love confession, a kiss scene, a kick to the groin, and a marriage revelation (in that order!). The only problem was the startling lack of pantsu-flashes. This type of anime is supposed to revel in that sort of thing.

Let me tell you all a story. This is a story of a man who existed many years ago. The actual happenings of his life are little known, but over the years the gaps of knowledge were filled in with what his life should have been. The stories told were often filled with supernatural and wondrous events that eventually became the accepted truth of his life. While I could be talking about Jesus, I am actually referring to Mario of Nintendo fame.

Original Man
Mario's true life is little known, but there are a few known elements from history. He was originally a carpenter whose name was unknown (this early tale referred to him as "Jumpman"). It was also known that Jumpman (heretofore referred to as Mario, due to common parlance) kept an intellectually advanced ape as a pet. Records indicate that Mario was a poor pet-keeper and frequently mistreated his simian ward. His pet, known as Donkey Kong, eventually escaped and made of with Mario's girlfriend Pauline. Mario had to advance through several construction sites to rescue Pauline from the vengeful ape. While this scenario seems unlikely, there is nothing particularly supernatural about it. Mario climbs ladders, swings a hammer, jumps over barrels, and other natural things. It is not until years later that newer, more exciting story elements begin to alter the truth into something more palatable.

The Gospels
It isn't until several years later that Mario's story is taken and made into legend. First and foremost, many of the original elements of his life were stripped away. He changed from carpenter to plumber, his Fay Wray-like girlfriend was replaced with a princess, and the pant-less simian was replaced with a grotesque turtle-like beast. His original strengths were gradually replaced with supernatural abilities that were believed to be more appealing to the masses. It was made so that he could create fire from his hands, grow to gargantuan sizes in an instant, and destroy brick masonry with his bare hands. Not only were these unnatural abilities added to the once-carpenter's repertoire, more and more were added to his legend to ensure lasting success. His actual girlfriend was replaced with a princess to ensure that any descendants will be of royal blood. Donkey Kong was replaced with a fire-spitting lizard that is obviously designed to frighten the meek. He was to be automatically associated with evil, and anyone that follows him is, by extension, also evil and needs to be slain. With all of these "improvements" to the original story, Mario's legend became a worldwide success. Roy Campbell is probably accurate in saying that "there's probably not a single person who doesn't know Mario."

Of course the audiences of different news sources aren't biased. I mean, just look at these poll statistics from two different sites regarding who "won" last night's debate.

Fox News:

TIME Magazine:

See? Both news audiences agree that Obama was the "victor".

From the people that did not bring you Guitar Praise comes the newest Guitar Hero doppelganger aimed for a small niche market: Guitar Blaspheme!

Includes all of the greatest songs the Church doesn’t want you to hear. All master recordings; NOT COVERS! Songs include “McDonaldland Massacre” by Coven, “Big Bizang” by MC Hawking, and many more. The game will also feature a large selection of playable characters including Fjord, the dark, Satanic-metal rocker, Harry, the homosexual pop-bopper, and many more blasphemous abominations to God! There will even be two unlockable characters: Harry Potter (of the book series with the same name) and rock-and-roller Richard Dawkins (yes, he has a hobby). Guitar Blaspheme will be in stores in a few months*. Preorder your copy today!

* Not, technically, accurate.

Been keeping busy lately (read: playing Harvest Moon obsessively), so I think I'll just post another YouTube video to keep you all on tenterhooks for my triumphant return.

Religulous is an interesting movie. Well, movie probably isn't the most apt description. It was more like a weird combination of lopsided debate, Family Guy, and The Word (à la Colbert). It was similar to a debate in that Bill Maher grilled people to justify their views and watching them flounder. He was also rather pushy. I remember one Jew had to continually stop him so he could make his point, which he never got to (not because he was interupted, but because he didn't have one). Others just capitulated under his constant hounding for a simple response. It was similar to Family Guy because the main "story" scenes were frequently interupted (humorously) with other scenes that were technically relevant but unexpected. It was great because scenes were frequently juxtaposed with scenes from old Bible-based films. It was great. The similarity to The Word is quite obvious. It doesn't happen often, but sometimes during a discussion humorous "thoughts" would appear as text on the bottom of the screen.

The movie, as stated in the first sentence of this review, is interesting, but ultimately presented very little information that I didn't already know. For people who don't read up on religion as a hobby, however, this could be an eye-opener. I would recommend waiting until it comes out on DVD, though. It is a documentary, after all, so the quality isn't exactly stellar.

Rating: Y'know, a rating probably doesn't matter for this one. It doesn't matter what I rate it, because if you don't like the subject matter, you probably won't see it anyway. I will say that I recommend it, though.