January 12, 2006

• INFORMATION YOU NEED TO HELP YOU CHOOSE YOUR NEXT HEALTH PLAN ....
  
  1. Q. What does HMO stand for?
  A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "HEY MOE." Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes.
  
  2. Q. I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to choose thedoctor I want?
  A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the plan. These doctors basically fall into two categories --(a) those who are no longer accepting new patients, and (b) those who will see you but are no longer participating in the plan. But don't worry; the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half-day's drive away and has a diploma from a Third World Country.
  
  3. Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
  A. No Only those you need.
  
  4. Q. Can I get coverage for my preexisting conditions?
  A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.
  
  5. Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?
  A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.
  
  6. Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the namebrand. I tried the Generic Medication, but it gave me a stomach ache. What should I do?
  A. Poke yourself in the eye.
  
  7. Q. What if I'm away from home and I get sick?
  A. You really shouldn't do that.
  
  8. Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant right in his office?
  A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $15=20 co-payment, there's no harm in giving him a shot at it.

  
  

  Jimbo: I thought this was kind of funny at least...

  • 2:54 pm
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