I was going to comment on the German Pope's visit to Auschwitz, but I think the irony kind of speaks for itself. Instead I give you this drivel. Enjoy:

I think there is a kind of spectrum of nightime noises. As you get closer to each end, the difficulty with which to fall asleep while hearing the noise increases. On one end of the spectrum, you have your quiet noises such as a house-fly, a faucet dripping, or a neighbor slamming his or her car door. These noises are so quiet and calming that you can't help but be lulled away from sleep by them towards near insanity conditions. At the other end of the spectrum is the loud noises such as nuclear explosions, meteor impacts, and siblings getting up for a glass of water. These noises not only force you away from sleep, but also have the potential to damage your hearing permanently. In the middle, however, are sounds you can potentially sleep with. I suppose how far in depends upon the person. Some of these noises include crickets chirping, ceiling fan humming, and hard-drive spinning.

On Friday, I got to do some car maintainance. If you know me, than you know that means I had no idea what I was doing. The day's expedition: change the radiator hoses and recharge the freon. Okeedokee, let me just open the ol' car hood and... it's time for a step-list:

Step 1: Stare at hood-area and frown knowingly. This is a very important step. This is to establish to anyone who happens to be looking that you know exactly what you're doing. Even though I don't.

Step 2: Locate old radiator hoses. A very important thing to remember in this step is that not all hoses are shiny, green, and densly knotted. I managed to find them, so you, hopefully, can too.

Step 3: Drain radiator fluid. Maybe I should have put this as step 2... oh well, live and learn. Anyway, under my car there is a knob that can only be turned by a wrench, and is located where a wrench can't fit. For this step you need to completely disassemble your car, turn the knob, then allow the fluid to drain. I do hope you have something to catch the liquid in.

Step 4: Replace old, empty hoses. Do make sure they're empty. It gets rather messy when they're not. The tools necessary for this step include: pliers, needle-nose pliers, hammer, and M61 Vulcan.

Step 5: Replace radiator fluid. This should be a combination of 50% antifreeze and 50% water. As far as I'm told, this proportion must be exact, or your car will explode.

Step 5.5: Drink Gatorade. Lemon-lime is great, but riptide rush will do in a pinch.

Step 6: Replace freon. Personally, I didn't do this. I had my neighbor do this. Apparently he is more of a car buff than I am, which isn't hard.

Step 7: Close hood. It's a little difficult to drive with this stupid thing in the full and upright position.

And there you have it. Be careful driving out there folks. Be sure to keep an eye on your
 rear-view mirror for a trail of fluid. Now my car is ready for a short trip up to Maryland. See you all later!

In Japan, Michael Jackson received a "Legend Award" at MTV's Japan Music Video Awards. Go figure, this is M.J.'s first appearance since his acquital for you-know-what. This just goes to show that while the Japanese are ahead of us in most everything, they can't hold a candle to our pop-culture. I just don't understand why the Japanese, and everyone else for that matter, are so interesting in our music. I mean, it's in English! Unless they translate it... Even then, a live performance would just be kind of silly. I can imagine a Japanese translator trying to keep up with Jackson's crazy lyrics. He'll probably commit hara-kiri right there to relieve the stress. Then, the concert hall would have to supply everyone with little earplugs to hear the translation. Not to mention the translator's untimely demise. Then where would they be? Maybe they just enjoy the music to enjoy the music. Ha! That's crazy talk.

It's almost summer, and you know what that means. That's right ladies, it's swimsuit shopping time! I know this because of the blasphemous amount of advertising space used in the newspaper. I can hardly flip through two pages without seeing low-price women's swimwear. You never see men's swimwear though. There's a perfectly good reason too. Men, generally, do no worry about swim suits. They have swimming trunks, and that's about it. They keep the same pair until they either grow out of it or it fades to a bleached-out white. Anyway, one thing about of the adverts piqued my curiousity, aside from the scantily clad model. One of the swimsuits had a belt with a large, metal buckle. Seeing this, I found myself wondering why. You can't swim in it. You probably can't even get it wet. I daresay the thing gets rather warm when sunbathing, too. Is it supposed to be sexy? I doubt it. I took a psychology class in high school, so I think I know a thing or two about the male brain. Not to mention the fact that I have a male brain. That helps a bit, too. Anyway, when the male sees a hot-looking woman in a swimsuit, his thought pattern follows a standard course. That is, his exact thoughts are, "YOWZA! I wonder what it takes to get her outta that?" Then as he slowly, and obviously, lowers his gaze, he sees the belt. He probably sees this as an inconvenience, and something of a turn-off. "Crap, that's another strap I have to undo." Oh wait, I just had a thought. Maybe the whole point of the belt is to ease the male. The guy has a hard enough time taking off the brassiere, so when he sees the belt, he is relieved and thinks, "Ah, now I'm in some familiar territory." Say, another idea has come up to fuel this fascinating topic. Perhaps the large buckle is designed to give the male even more reasons to gawk. As if he didn't have enough, at any rate. The belt makes an eye-hogging combination of female curvature and a large, shiny, metallic object. It's like the glint of a sniper's scope in the peripheral vision that draws full attention, just before he's shot down. Maybe this is the reason why ships sometimes run ashore. "Okay, I'm getting close, so I'd better-- What's that!? YOWZA! I wonder what it takes..." bloosh! Anyway, what I'm trying to say is... um... I need to read the newspaper less. Peace out.

This next post is a warning to all people who open random e-mails. Be wary of Japanese e-mail attachments. They potentially carry a virus. That is, if you use Windows. If you're Mac, I apologize for the inconvenience.

Random thoughts that float arbitrarily through Jimbo's mind: