May 26, 2006
-
It's almost summer, and you know what that means. That's right ladies, it's swimsuit shopping time! I know this because of the blasphemous amount of advertising space used in the newspaper. I can hardly flip through two pages without seeing low-price women's swimwear. You never see men's swimwear though. There's a perfectly good reason too. Men, generally, do no worry about swim suits. They have swimming trunks, and that's about it. They keep the same pair until they either grow out of it or it fades to a bleached-out white. Anyway, one thing about of the adverts piqued my curiousity, aside from the scantily clad model. One of the swimsuits had a belt with a large, metal buckle. Seeing this, I found myself wondering why. You can't swim in it. You probably can't even get it wet. I daresay the thing gets rather warm when sunbathing, too. Is it supposed to be sexy? I doubt it. I took a psychology class in high school, so I think I know a thing or two about the male brain. Not to mention the fact that I have a male brain. That helps a bit, too. Anyway, when the male sees a hot-looking woman in a swimsuit, his thought pattern follows a standard course. That is, his exact thoughts are, "YOWZA! I wonder what it takes to get her outta that?" Then as he slowly, and obviously, lowers his gaze, he sees the belt. He probably sees this as an inconvenience, and something of a turn-off. "Crap, that's another strap I have to undo." Oh wait, I just had a thought. Maybe the whole point of the belt is to ease the male. The guy has a hard enough time taking off the brassiere, so when he sees the belt, he is relieved and thinks, "Ah, now I'm in some familiar territory." Say, another idea has come up to fuel this fascinating topic. Perhaps the large buckle is designed to give the male even more reasons to gawk. As if he didn't have enough, at any rate. The belt makes an eye-hogging combination of female curvature and a large, shiny, metallic object. It's like the glint of a sniper's scope in the peripheral vision that draws full attention, just before he's shot down. Maybe this is the reason why ships sometimes run ashore. "Okay, I'm getting close, so I'd better-- What's that!? YOWZA! I wonder what it takes..." bloosh! Anyway, what I'm trying to say is... um... I need to read the newspaper less. Peace out.
