Okay, I leave for my week long vacation the day after tomorrow. I probably won't post tomorrow, so I thought I'd give you something to look forward to. On my birthday, next year, a Simpsons movie will be released. The title... The Simpsons Movie. It doesn't get more original than that. See you all on the 6th.
Month: July 2006
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I read a pretty funny article in USA Today not long ago. Well, it wasn't much of an article. It was just a paragraph. I suppose blurb would be more accurate. Anyway, Allstate Insurance named Milwaukee the "most oddly spelled" city. Wait, rather, that's the "best driving" city. To celebrate, they offered free gas (up to $30) for the entire day. With gas prices at three bucks a gallon, this was like leaving the doors of Dis wide open for an entire day. The lines stretched into the suburbs and blocked driveways. I'm sure you could guess what ensued. Several car crashes, four arrests, and three hospitalized policemen. Milwaukee has to have the best drivers because, shockingly, there wasn't a single death. If the promotion occured in, say, Virginia, there would have been serious problems. Virginia drivers are insane, and I'm sure murder is not beyond them. Anyway, I digress. My main wonder is why people would be willing to wait in those gregorious lines. The blurb did not say specifically, but it makes it sound like there were only a handful of stations playing along. That sounds like poor planning on Allstate's part, but lets move on. I'd hate to be one of the people who actually had a low tank of gas, and would be just as willing to pay $30 for a tank. I wonder how many people took the day off from work just to save $30? Lets suppose someone waited in line for five hours to save thirty USD. In that same amount of time, I can earn $32.50 just by going to work. I don't know how much gas a car uses while it idles, but lets just say it's a third of a gallon, or a dollar. That means you only save twenty-nine dollars. It takes only half-an-hour for me to go to work and head back. Lets just say that costs a dollar in gas (in my dinky car, it is probably less). Even with that, it's more cost effective just to go to work. Well, I'm rambling now, not that it matters. In short, if you hear of a similar promotion where you live, just go to work. That is, if you can get out of your driveway. Peace out.
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Some thoughts (redux)...
- If most people think coca-cola and pepsi are the same thing, why was there such a backlash against "new" coke several years ago?
- It must suck being a guy from Nantuckett.
- While it may never be possible to discover the very first joke, I'm willing to bet it involved farting.
- Speaking of jokes, I wonder if the pope has a favorite joke? It's probably one of those "a priest, minister, and rabbi walk into a bar..." jokes.
- Pretty soon, black people will wish to be referred to as melaninly advantaged human beings. I'm sure that'll catch on.
- Apparently, people will not take any crap from a mattress salesman lying down.
- I told them what you told me to tell them. I told them that I work in sanitation.
- It's a weird feeling when you realize your fly has been down all day!
- People need to learn to communicate better, especially when heavy buckets of rivets are involved (lol, inside joke!).
- Welcome to Good Burger, home of the good burger. Can I take your order?
- Which crusade are we on now?
- I hope keyboarding eventually becomes an extreme sport.
- Oscar Mayer should have some death-metal band sing their jingles on a commercial. Just for a change of pace.
- Should you enter a retail establishment ten minutes prior to closing, expect poor customer service.
- I wonder how many presidents actually visit Area 51? I know if I ever got voted in, that would be one of the first things I did... right after the installation of a Galaga machine in the oval office.
- I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints. The sinners are much more fun.
- These kinds of posts are great because I don't have to think any of them through.
p.s. I'd like to thank my friend Robert for getting me a new profile pic. I think it matches the whole "rambling" theme much better.
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[ANNOUNCEMENT]
This Thursday is my birthday. I will be 19 years of age. I may post, and I may not. Nineteen isn't all that great an age. Most of the spotlight was on eighteen, and nothing exciting will really happen until I'm twenty-one. Well, it's still my birthday! So there.
In other news, from July 30th to August 5th, I will be taking a holiday to my grandmother's house. Needless to say, I will be taking a short sabbatical from posting during that time, owing to the fact that her household lacks a computer. Fear not, I will return... eventually.
Also, when I saw this, I was strangely reminded of the Geico gecko.
[THIS ENDS TODAY'S ANNOUNCEMENT]
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Young Geek: Hi, I'm a Mac.
Old Geek: And I'm a PC.
YG: I'm into doing fun stuff like creating videos and music.
OG: And I'm into doing fun stuff like, well, creating videos and music, playing lots of games, downloading from the web. You know, almost everything.
YG: Well, we have iTunes.
OG: Ah, so do we. In fact, we have most of your software available for PC. Even your hardware by the looks of things.
YG: At least we're not plagued by viruses.
OG: (chuckles) Let me tell you, if you ever get as popular as me, you will be "plagued by viruses" too.
YG: But we're very secure.
OG: Nothing is "secure." It's just that nobody cares about you.
YG: Sh-shut up!
OG: Only a handful of businesses care about you, and those young, artsy dweebs. You are pathetic.
YG: I hate you! You PCs are big bullies
OG: Face we're just better. Now, get out of here. I am very busy with my times sheets and pie charts. -
My computer seems to be doing better, but for reasons that baffle me Firefox is blocked. I checked the firewall and everything! It's crazy. Oh well. I saw this and thought I might try it out:
Go to your music player of choice and put it on shuffle.
Say the following questions aloud, and press play.
Use the song titles that come up to answer each question.
NO CHEATING.
How does the world see me?
Song: Steppin' Out
Artist: Joe Jackson
Comment: Probably trying to step out of my shell "into the light."
Will I have a happy life?
Song: Tainted Love
Artist: Soft Cell
Comment: Oh hell, that's not good.
What do people really think of me?
Song: Cool the Engines
Artist: Boston
Comment: I suppose they think I'm hyperactive, but that just seems silly.
Do people secretly lust after me?
Song: You've Got Another Thing Comin'
Artist: Judas Priest
Comment: Sh~t...
How can I make myself happy?
Song: Peace of Mind
Artist: Boston
Comment: I don't think Buddhism is quite my bag...
What should I do with my life?
Song: Too Young to Fall in Love
Artist: Motley Crue
Comment: If this test is any indication as to the direction of my life, I'm going to be single forever.
Will I ever have children?
Song: Higher Power
Artist: Boston
Comment: That's probably what it'll take to make it happen.
What is some good advice for me?
Song: Party
Artist: Boston
Comment: That's certainly sage advice.
What do I think my current theme song is?
Song: I Wanna Rock
Artist: Twisted Sister
Comment: I did not make this up. I think the fates are messing with me.
What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
Song: Dangerous Bastard
Artist: Lovefist
Comment: Umm... don't mind the fates. They're just joking around. Ha ha ha!
What song will play at my funeral?
Song: Amanda
Artist: Boston
Comment: OMG, sorry Amanda. Still friends, right?
What type of men/women do you like?
Song: Yankee Rose
Artist: David Lee Roth
Comment: Well, that settles that.
What is my day going to be like?
Song: More than a Feeling
Artist: Boston
Comment: Self explanatory, in an ambiguous sort of way.
Why am I here?
Song: Tease Me, Please Me
Artist: Scorpions
Comment: No comment available at this time...
What will people remember me for?
Song: Rock You Like a Hurricane
Artist: Scorpions
Comment: Crikey.
What song will be stuck in my head tomorrow?
Song: Heut Ist Mein Tag
Artist: Blmchen
Comment: That sounds accurate.
Are there people outside waiting to take me away?
Song: You're Pitiful
Artist: Weird Al
Comment: I'll take that as a resounding "no".
What will this year be all about?
Song: Cumin' Atcha Live
Artist: Tesla
Comment: Well, that explains a whole lot, right there.
That was truly a unique experience. I think I'm ready to face the world with the following conclusions: I will be single forever, I will be a rock-and-roll kind of guy, and people will think of me as more of a party-goer than I really am. Hey, the fates are speaking to me over winamp, and their words are law. Peace out. -
Okay, I apologize for the lack of updates. My computer is acting up and refuses with every fiber of its being to connect to the internet. Needless to say, I'm in the library right now. Don't expect too many posts until I get this issue resolved. Hopefully I'll be getting a new computer for my birthday (which is in about 6 days, by the way), and hook it up to the internet. Here's hoping. Until then, peace out.
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Some thoughts...
- What kind of male god would forbid adultery? God must be married. Do you still believe in monotheism?
- My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
- For some reason, those Native American dream catchers don't seem very effective. I mean, they're flat. Shouldn't they have a pouch or something, like a net? Shouldn't they be sticky, like a spider's web? C'mon now.
- More things need to come in olive drab. Cell phones, handheld gaming systems, stereo systems, computer towers, etc. I'm sure there's a market for this.
- They call this a muddle puddle tweetle poodle beetle noodle bottle paddle battle.
- I'm desperately trying to find the exact day when being a nerd became cool. I'll wager it was during the release of one of those 80s teen movies.
- I think it's a little more realistic to allow people to jump into a game of Monopoly after its already in progression. They would represent the small business that gets crushed by the large corporations.
- Which will happen first? Will Hell freeze over or will Hell break loose?
- You know what's the rage this year?... Hats.
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