October 22, 2006

  • Care for a cup of dirty water?

    Why do people always seem to poop their pants when I tell them I don't drink coffee. "How do you wake up in the morning?" they oft ask. Well, let me let you all in on a secret. I shoot myself full of ecstasy. Just kidding, of course. I just start moving around. I mean, of course I'm groggy, but I don't let a little thing like that stop me. I allow trees and lampposts to do that, especially when I realize I'm late for class and still groggy in the car. Another factor that keeps me away from coffee is the fact that I think it tastes like dirty water. Seriously, that's all it is. You take perfectly good water, and then you put dried leaves into it. That's all I ever taste when I drink it. The same goes for tea, for that matter. I can't stand tea. The same goes, again, for sewer drain water. I guess I just don't enjoy leaves in my water.

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