• Why is it that when you're rinsing only one hand, your
  other hand starts to feel extremely dry?
• I had a fortune cookie recently that read "it tastes
  sweet." Crap, I did not get a fortune cookie so it could tell me the present.
• It’s always awkward when I have to refer to someone
  younger than me as 'sir' or 'ma'm.'
• You know those short-shorts that girls wear that have
  the words printed on the butt of them? I recently saw a girl wearing a pink
  pair of those with the word "pink" on the back. I guess she was trying to
  attract the color blind, or at least the hopelessly incompetent.
• What is it in dish soap that causes it to crust over at
  the top?
• Somebody asked me "how do I sleep at night," and my
  brain produced so many witty responses that it failed to excrete a single one.
• My downstairs toilet doesn’t take crap from anyone. I
  seriously need to leave a plunger by it.
• I’m still amazed that scientists have not yet
  discovered why yawns are contagious.
• Walking into a language barrier hurts.
• Could you still be a vegetarian if you bite your nails?
• How exactly do those "inspectors" test the quality of
  underwear?
• It's amazing how much the caltrop has held up over the
  years.
• One thing I like about oriental names is that they are
  generally short, making them easy to type.
• Did anyone notice that there’s an upskirt shot on MC
  Escher's "Relativity"?
• Soy beans can be used for everything, including turning
  lead into gold.
• Playing Van Halen's Jump
  at a suicide awareness seminar doesn't seem like a good idea.
• Have you honestly read this far?
• There is one good thing about working in customer
  service. You develop a Rambo-like immune system.
• I don’t know what dress shoes are for, but they're
  definitely not for walking.
• I have yet to see a black person working at a Chinese
  restaurant. Where's the affirmative action?
• I wonder if they intentionally made American wall
  outlets look like faces.
• The Jimbo
  University of Scatology:
  When the sh~t hits the fan, you will know exactly what kind of sh~t it is.
• The motto for a local tutoring business is "learning
  feels good." Well, scratching athlete's foot feels good too, but you still
  shouldn't do it.
• This is quite possibly one of the best music videos since a-ha's "Take On Me." You got nothin' on a skeleton wearing Converse sneakers.

What exactly is life? Can life truly be compared to a video
game? Some argue that life is nothing more than a video game, except with
sloppier controls and poorer graphics. What about a game like Meteos, the
puzzle game wherein you launch chunks of space rocks called meteos off of your
planet before you face annihilation? This game is very similar to the life
process itself. It seeks to remain alive for as long as possible. Granted,
reproduction is not a major part of Meteos, but much of the way we treat death
can be seen in this game. The meteos themselves represent several factors that
prevent life: diseases, hunger, etc. We attempt to do what we can with them by
launching them into space, taking medicine, having surgery, just so we can stay
alive. Sometimes, life throws a huge dollop of meteos towards you that your
body will have difficulty handling. This requires fast-acting, or you will die.
This can imply a sudden major injury or perhaps even cancer. Even the pace of
Meteos can be likened to the aging process. In the beginning, you don’t have a
lot to work with, so it is very difficult to repel the onslaught of meteos. As
you "age," you find that you have more and more to work with. It's easier to
repel even the largest mass of meteos that may fall upon you. However, once you
start getting up in age, things become increasingly difficult. The meteos fall
at a faster rate as you and your body try to catch up. Ultimately, you cannot
catch up, and your body collapses into annihilation. Game over.

Do you have your DVD yet?

Note: Actual post coming tomorrow.

• Roads that are designed to drive directly towards the sun.
• Shampoo bottles that are left open.
• Toilet paper that is facing the wall instead of me.
• Squeaky floors
• People walking very loudly
• Telephone menus
• People who throw cans into the trash when the recycling bin is right next to it.
• People who think that they are always right, despite the fact that they do no research whatsoever and construct all of their claims based on opinion, false consensus, things they "saw on TV", or what they heard from others.

I apologize for the bad language, but these are some serious pet peeves of mine.

So, yesterday I got the
chance to see Pirates of the Caribbean:
At World’s End. All I can say is “wow.” That was actually a pretty
gosh-darn good movie. The first one was still the best, but this came in at a
very close second. It reminded me of Lynyrd Skynyrd’s Freebird. It was really slow in the beginning, but still good. You
could almost sing along to it. Then, about a third of the way through the
movie, it picked up and just started kicking all manners of (butt). It seemed
like they did everything fans asked for in this film. The first thing they did
was play down Will Turner. He was still a main character, but he hardly spoke,
and was hardly on screen. A big plus, I can assure you. They also brought back
one of my favorite characters from the first movie, Capt. Barbossa. Sure, he
says every line in the exact same way, but it’s a good way. It makes me want to
emulate it at work, but I think I might get fired for that (ya-harr). Also
seeing far more screen time and story involvement is Keira Knightley’s
character (Keira Knightley… swoon). She suddenly and arbitrarily rose from a
ship hand to the King of Pirates. It was rather comical. There was even fan
service at the film’s finale (swoon). Pity that that schmuck Orlando Bloom had
to be in the shot, but it was worth it. Ahem, anyway, about the film… it was
quite good. It had a lot of action and stunts that were fun to watch. It also
had the humor. Humor, for those of you who don’t know, is necessary for a movie
to be considered even “good” in my book. So, if you’ve seen the other movies,
you don’t need to be told to see this one (it should be implied). If you
haven’t, then you should watch the other two movies, and then watch this one.
And not just for Keira Knightley.

Recently, I saw one of those grade school bumper stickers that said, "My Student Succeeds at," and then the name of the school. I thought about this, and I think it's quite a broad message. What exactly is he, assuming it's a he, succeeding at? Did he come in first in a spelling bee? Did he win the tri-state pie-eating contest? Did he successfully not wet his pants for three consecutive semesters? Now, I know that it's probably supposed to mean academic success. Still, even that assumption can be rather broad. What exactly does "success" mean to this parent? Graduation, which is the ultimate academic success in my book, isn't exactly difficult. I've seen people whose cranial cavity is filled with guacamole graduate. And why is it that only parents get stickers? It would be fun to see a high-school student's jalopy with a bumper sticker that says, "I am an Honor Student, dammit!" Oh, or maybe one for a school with a high crime rate that says "I Successfully Did Not Get Shot at," and then the school's name. I should try and market these ideas to some of my local schools. You all should too. People always say that we need to change the world, so let's get started!

Remember folks, today is May 25th, and on this day we are all supposed to mourn the loss of one of the greatest authors of all time, Douglas Adams. He was the one who graced the world with The Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy series. Today, we honor him by carrying a towel with us all day in a celebration known as...

TOWEL DAY

Towel Day 2005 in Austria

A towel, it says, is about the most massively useful thing
an interstellar hitch hiker can have. Partly it has great practical value - you
can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan
Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus
V, inhaling the heady sea vapours; you can sleep under it beneath the stars
which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a mini
raft down the slow heavy river Moth; wet it for use in hand-to-hand-combat;
wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or to avoid the gaze of the
Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (a mindboggingly stupid animal, it assumes
that if you can't see it, it can't see you - daft as a bush, but very
ravenous); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of
course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.

More importantly, a towel has immense psychological value.
For some reason, if a strag (strag: non-hitch hiker) discovers that a hitch
hiker has his towel with him, he will automatically assume that he is also in
possession of a toothbrush, face flannel, soap, tin of biscuits, flask,
compass, map, ball of string, gnat spray, wet weather gear, space suit etc.,
etc. Furthermore, the strag will then happily lend the hitch hiker any of these
or a dozen other items that the hitch hiker might accidentally have
"lost". What the strag will think is that any man who can hitch the
length and breadth of the galaxy, rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible
odds, win through, and still knows where his towel is is clearly a man to be
reckoned with.

I was thinking about making a little mascot for my site. It won't do much bit sit around and draw crowds, but I decided to try and get some feedback from you all (the somewhat loyal reader, or even the anonymous browser). I'll probably try and draw it myself based on your suggestions. I'll start off with some questions, then you can put down whatever else you might think of. Here we go...

1. Do you think I even need a mascot? (if no, you may skip the remaining questions)
2. Male or female?
3. Human or non-human?
4. "Chibi" or more generic?
5. Sci-fi, Fantasy, or modern?
6. Based on me (Jimbo)?
7. Glasses or no glasses? (only if answered "no" to #6)
8. Long hair or short hair?

Okay, I'll take all of your suggestions, and be ready whenever I get ready. (I hope to have a meaningful post tomorrow).

I recently had the
chance to pick up a rather fun manga called Kashimashi.
The story came from the creator of Saber
Marionette J, but I think if I described it to anyone, besides you lot who
read my drivel, I would be taken as a pervert. It’s your basic romantic comedy,
with one interesting twist (isn’t that always the case). You see, the main male
protagonist confessed to a girl he’s been swooning for, but got cock-blocked
big time. Afterwards, he’s goes on a hike into the woods to reconnect with
himself (or burp the worm), but ultimately gets run over by an alien spaceship.
I am not joking. The aliens felt bad for the guy, so they decided to rebuild
his body, but screwed up and made him a her. He’s still the same mentally, but
physically he’s all woman. Now that the protagonist is a she, the story is suddenly
hijacked by the “L-word” (if you know what I mean*). Suddenly, all of the women
that wouldn’t give him the time of day are mysteriously drawn to him (her). It’s
a very interesting plot dynamic. It is very cliché, however (not that that’s a
problem for me). You have your beach scene, amusement park scene, etc. One of
the guy’s harem is even the obligatory childhood friend. Frankly, not even I
can pin down which girl he’s going to go for. I am very interested in this
series, but I hope they keep it short. It seems like it would get old fairly
quickly. Sure, it’s lolicon fodder, but it’s a necessary evil for a cute,
little story.

 

* You know exactly what I mean.

Suppose a wasp built a hive on the door frame of your house. Would it be breaking some kind of zoning ordinance? Sure, it's a residential building, but it also acts as their industrial area. I mean, I daresay that the wasps failed to go through the proper channels. They pay no rent and give nothing else in return for squatting on your land. All in all, it should be perfectly within your right as a landowner to demolish their construction at any time. You can give them an ultimatum to vacate the premises, but wasps are proud squatters who will not readily abandon their projects. Thus, it is often necessary for the demolition to take place while the hive's residents still occupy it (I recommend use of a wiffle bat). Upon the demolition, you may witness occasional wasps making a return to their former residence, but they are of little concern. They may even try to reconstruct their lost home, but the newer version is usually of lower quality and can easily be razed.