July 10, 2007

• I don't often do it, but I felt the urge to repost an IM conversation I had with a friend of mine yesterday. It just seemed to cover so many topics that reek of manliness. I mean, in this conversation alone we covered such important topics as toilets, computers, and even deer hunting. The conversation went on longer, but I decided to crop it shorter. It all began when I set my online status to "reading a book".

  Don Roberto: What are these "books" you speak of? Jimbo: specifically, I'm reading Dune again Don Roberto: whatever happened to the paperless office? Jimbo: hm? Jimbo: I keep my toilet room well stocked with paper, I thank you Don Roberto: remember everything was suppossed to be eletronic Don Roberto: I'd like to see that Don Roberto: an electonic wipe Jimbo: in the future, the crap is teleported off of your posterior by an electronic bidet Don Roberto: in the future we all will have implants that will take care of our waste instantly Jimbo: tapeworms? Don Roberto: yes genetically engineered tapeworms Jimbo: never have to use the toilet AND lose weight. It's the American dream! Don Roberto: I thought using the toilet was an amercan pasttime Jimbo: true, if the toilet is fazed out, then hardly any Americans would read Don Roberto: well I'll let you get back to your politcal intrigue Don Roberto: you're reading the first book correct? Jimbo: yeah Don Roberto: remember to control your fear Jimbo: but no, I'm not reading it on the porcelain throne Don Roberto: well obviously Don Roberto: you dont' have a laptop Jimbo: oh, so many witty responses to that Don Roberto: and I know your VGA cable for your monitor won't go that far Jimbo: well, there is an outlet in my bathroom. Just set up a surge protector and a mini-fridge, and I won't have to move for a while. Don Roberto: I thoguth of that Don Roberto: you could get a bluetooth mouse and keyboard Don Roberto: and you could have an outlet for th emonitor Don Roberto: but you'd still need the VGA cable to reach Jimbo: set up a little desk Don Roberto: and your setup is too combersome to try to take the whole thing to the bathroom Don Roberto: cumbersome* Jimbo: and when I needed to get up, it would pose a difficulty Jimbo: you couldn't very well have the keyboard in your lap Jimbo: and what to use as a mouse surface... Don Roberto: you have a counter next to the throne you could use Don Roberto: well you could also get a trackball Jimbo: but trackballs are silly Don Roberto: but they are compact Jimbo: maybe I could use the sink, but it's to the left of me, so I would need to change my mouse to left hand configuration Jimbo: I don't think I have the coordination for that kind of complex behaviour Don Roberto: you could learn Jimbo: true Don Roberto: if humans can learn to counter thier natural urge to kill, they can learn anything Jimbo: I could also try to live using photosynthesis, then just open a window Jimbo: then I wouldn't even need to minifridge Jimbo: wait, but then I wouldn't even need the toilet, would I? Don Roberto: but you'd also be green Jimbo: I'll figure out a way to do it without chlorophyll Jimbo: because I'm cool like that Don Roberto: you could work serach and rescue Don Roberto: I mean you can look for days without rest thanks to the photosynthesis Jimbo: but what if they're lost spelunkers? Don Roberto: not your job Don Roberto: you're a specialist Jimbo: then there's the problem of night Jimbo: and grazing animals Don Roberto: you'd have enough energy stored for night Don Roberto: and that's why god invented guns Don Roberto: the animals that is Jimbo: oh my God, animals with guns! Jimbo: good thing deer don't have fingers Don Roberto: I'll invent a gun specially for deers Jimbo: just for those deer hunters who want a little bit more risk Don Roberto: so they can fight back Don Roberto: that's right Jimbo: but then there's the whole problem where they walk on those appendages Jimbo: maybe they can shoot it from their mouth Don Roberto: mounted on the antlers Jimbo: are you going to draw your inspiration from Mr. Gatling? Don Roberto: it would'nt be a gatling gun Jimbo: or maybe Mr. Kalishnakov? Don Roberto: nah Don Roberto: that browning would be my main inspiration Jimbo: or Mr. The-Guy-Who-Theorized-The-Rail-Gun? Don Roberto: dude if I could make a railgun I'd be able to get a fat govername check Jimbo: for the secrets of the railgun, I demand... one-million dollars! Jimbo: they'd be deer... with frickin' railguns attached to their heads Jimbo: I hear fishing is becoming popular again

  • 7:03 am
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