September 26, 2007

• Microsoft Sam is Out of the Job

  

  Are you all familiar with those self-checkout
  lines they have at grocery stores and other shops? I love those things. They
  are incredibly handy because most people seem to be scared to death of them.
  They would stand in a cashier line with four other people rather than use the
  empty self-checkout. I don't mean to brag, but I'm pretty tech-savvy. I can
  turn on my PC all by myself, I'll have you know, so working a self-checkout device
  is no big deal. What I do not like about those things is the voice they all
  seem to use. It's always the same lady's voice, who must have retired young
  collecting the royalties from all of those machines she lends her voice to. My
  problem with it is that her voice is always loud at the most inopportune times.
  Whenever she announces an item, she speaks as though she's trying to address
  congress without a microphone in a class-5 hurricane. "Your NAVEL
  ORANGES cost THREE... DOLLARS AND... SEVENTY-THREE...
  CENTS! Please move your NAVEL ORANGES to the belt." You
  do not realize how embarrassing navel oranges are until you have them declared
  to half of the country. It almost makes me want to buy some funny sounding
  items just to have them declared to the store. "Please move your RUTEBEGAS
  and PREPARATION-H
  to the belt." Maybe they should just go ahead and make a self-checkout
  voice over in Ebonics. You can already select between English, Spanish, and in some
  cases French, so why not some "smack-talk"? "Yo dawg, move yo'
  motherf~~~in' HORMEL CHILI to the God-d~~~ belt, before I pop a cap in yo'
  a~~!" Such an option would make school shopping with the kids an
  entertaining experience.

  • 6:52 am
  • 3 Comments