I noticed that most Sundays see little to no traffic on the ol' website, so I decided to stop posting on them. Well, I suppose I'll still post something out of habit, but it won't be anything big. Maybe just a YouTube video or a funny picture. Today, it's gonna be a quote I found interesting.

"How can you have order in a state without religion? For, when one man is dying of hunger near another who is ill of surfeit, he cannot resign himself to this difference unless there is an authority which declares 'God wills it thus.' Religion is excellent for keeping people quiet."
              -Napoleon Bonaparte

For
a while now, Clorox has been using an ad campaign revolving around a so-called
“accidental housewife”. Her job entails giving cleaning tips to other women who
have to clean up after their slovenly men, but that’s unimportant. I’m just
wondering how a woman becomes a housewife accidentally. Since I first heard the
commercial, I just assumed that it meant she got completely sloshed one night
in Vegas and ended up with some fat trucker named Bubba. Recently, though, an
idea struck me that made me question Clorox’s integrity. What if the reason she
became a housewife accidentally was because she was sacked from her old job, and
the shock damaged her mind so severely that she cannot acquire a new job? Now,
Clorox is using her by throwing that
embarrassment back into her face with every commercial. They should be ashamed
of themselves. I’ve heard this “Julie” on her commercials, and she clearly had
a nervous breakdown and is trying to repress it. The way she’s always happy and
laughing at bad puns while she’s cleaning clearly shows that she is unhinged.
Nobody enjoys cleaning. Not even people who enjoy cleaning enjoy cleaning. They
just say they enjoy cleaning so they can be different. Let’s also not forget
her little catchphrase “saving your sanity and manicure one tip at time.” She
says right there that she is trying to save your
sanity. She knows the pain of her own madness and doesn’t want it to spread.
For shame, Clorox. For shame!

Well, I think my muse finally decided to come back. It seems that She was at some environmentalist rally down in Brazil doing who knows what. She got a little angry when I called Her "tree-hugger" and "wussy", so She might not be in top form. Nevertheless, I hope to continue my regular posting starting tomorrow. Thank you all for your patience. I shall now redouble my efforts on putting a leash on Her.

Sorry loyal readers, but I have come down with a serious case of writer's block. I'll be sure to post some good stuff as soon as my muse or something gets back. It must have decided to take a vacation, but didn't let me know.

Today is Labor Day, in which women all over the world suddenly have babies, and golly my libido is tired.

• One good thing about
  100° summer days is that you don’t have to worry about your food
  getting cold.
• There’s very little
  that’s worse than being gassy at work.
• I wonder how many
  people, during the time when all writing was carved into stone tablets,
  had bad handwriting.
• You can always sense
  a police speed trap by the wave of brake lights ahead of you.
• If human population
  growth continues, "dead and buried" will be replaced by "dead
  and puréed."
• I've never had
  high morale. I wonder what it feels like.
• Just when I thought
  all of the silly technology had been created, I see chairs that change
  color to match their surroundings.
• I've always wanted
  to use the phrase "it's sacrelicious!" in regular conversation,
  but the opportunity never comes up.
• I wonder how much
  of the ocean floor is made up of toilet paper.
• Orange juice is
  never better than an actual orange, unless the orange is all brown and
  moldy, of course.
• You dont see
  many street gangs dancing through the streets anymore. What happened?
• Just once, I would
  like to see a bunch of football referees start doing the Macarena during
  the Super Bowl. I wonder how the announcers would handle it.
• People need to "thumb
  their nose" more often, and in more ways than one.
• Pizza is yummy.
• Who was the genius
  who first decided to grind up a perfectly good chunk of beef into small,
  thin strands?
• I don't think
  I've ever come upon a situation where I would need to write upside-down.
  Sometimes I have to write sideways, but never upside-down.
• Stand-up comedians are allowed to say things that would earn an ordinary guy a punch in the mouth.
• When people tell you to put something in the back of your mind, they don't realize that that's where vision is processed.
• It's like there's a party in my mouth, and everyone's invited... except for that guy. He doesn't look like he holds his liquor well, and I don't want anyone vomiting in my mouth.
• Don't think classic rock is the only music I listen to. I also, on occasion, can stomach Gothic metal.