October 31, 2007

• Arrrrr

  HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

  

  Yes, it is finally Halloween. As a Pastafarian, this holiday
  holds a special, religious meaning to me. It is important because it honors the
  time when pirates, the Flying Spaghetti Monster's chosen people, were free to
  roam as the pleased. Quoting from the good book, "it is a little known
  fact that the original Pirates were well known for passing out candy to
  children, but that practice grew less common as they became persecuted"
  (p. 124). I know I plan to honor my religious obligations and dress as a
  pirate. I don't have the pirate overcoat and boots yet, but my eye patch, hat,
  and a Hawaiian shirt should pass the point along. I hope that you all can also
  enjoy the holiday and be touched by His noodly appendage. RAmen.

  I thought I would take an extra moment from my
  preaching to complain a little bit. I am tired of all of these schmucks who put
  up little signs for kids that say they don't celebrate Halloween. What a load
  of outdated bologna. First of all, how would you explain that sort of thing to
  a little kid who only wants to stay up late one night and get candy? "You
  see sweetie, this family doesn't want to make you happy because they hate
  children." The idea that handing out candy to kids supports witchcraft and
  other sacrilegious ideas is stupid. If you don't want to put up decorations or
  go trick-or-treating, that's fine. At least, you should be nice enough to make
  a kid happy and give them a little bit of candy. Also, try to cut back on the
  salt-water taffy. I hate that stuff.

  • 6:53 am
  • 2 Comments