December 30, 2007

  • Warning: This plane may contain an unacceptable number of snakes

    Y'know, I think I finally found a warning label
    that I'm happy to have on a product. On the side of my can of mixed nuts, it
    told me that the nuts were processed on machinery that is used to process
    "nuts". I am so glad they told me this. I would have been very
    dissatisfied if my nuts (get your mind out of the gutter) were processed on
    machinery that may be used to process, for example, Laffy Taffy. With this
    warning label, I know that my nuts were processed on machinery that is, by
    design, used to process nuts. Now, I know some of you may say that the label is
    there for people who are allergic to nuts. May I point out once more that the
    warning was printed on a can of mixed nuts. The can made no effort in
    disguising the fact that its contents are mixed nuts. In fact, they seemed to
    want to advertise that, considering the font size they used to write
    "mixed nuts". Let me not fail to mention all of the pictures of nuts
    around the can's exterior. I think we have established the fact that the
    container contains nuts, and the fact that the contents were processed on
    machinery that processes nuts is irrelevant, in terms of allergies. I still
    wouldn't want the Laffy Taffy machine processing my nuts. So the warning label
    is unnecessary for people who are allergic to nuts, but is great for people
    like me who do not like Laffy Taffy. On a related note, I am trying to push
    legislation that would require all metallic surfaces to bear static shock
    warning labels. Static shocks hurt, and it should be made clear that touching a
    metal surface will result in this momentary discomfort, especially in the
    winter time.

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