I think it is time we start barring doors. In
old medieval castles, doors would be locked by putting a big log horizontally
behind a door so that no intruders could come in and, y'know, invade and stuff.
This kind of lock had some serious defensive capabilities. I daresay that even
the sturdiest of credit cards could not break through one of those logs.
Nowadays, all we have that's comparable are deadbolts. These weak little
excuses for locks could easily be broken by marauding armies, as evident by the
number of one-man battering rams used by the police force. Don't get me started
on those lame chains either. It's entirely possible to reach one's arm into the
door and undo one of those things. Trust me, I know. The downside with the
"log lock" is that it is one-sided. You can only use it when you are
inside your house. It would just be silly to put the log up on the outside of
your house. Also, your door needs to be a push door (from the outside) to be at
all effective, unless the marauding armies have bad backs. Other than that,
using a thick log is quite effective. I would say that the logs should be
replaced with thick metal I‑beams, but I probably would not want to pick one of
those up. Though, a nice cast iron beam would probably be immune to some nut
with an ax (with a bad back, of course). I guess the marauding armies will have
to resort to some crude way of entering your dwelling, like through a window or
chimney.

People who
comment about how fast I type

There is hardly a day at work where somebody doesn't make a
comment about how fast I type. Most of them are middle-aged men and women, but
I'll occasionally get someone my age give me their two cents. It's usually just
a "wow, you sure type fast," which I can easily respond with a
"yup." Sometimes, however, I'll get a frisky customer that asks how I
learned to type so fast. I hate this question because the only answer I can
give them is "I just figured it out." They never seem satisfied with
that. Most of the time I just want to tell them to stop being a wussy and
actually use the computer without your kid sighing and doing everything for you.
This leads me to...

When I know
more about something than a superior

I think this one is rather self-explanatory. Whether at
work, home, or school, I always have people who get paid a whole lot more than
I do who occasionally show the intellectual capacity of a lima bean. I mean,
they probably know a lot more than I do about certain things, but there are
still times when I just want to put my head in my hands and give up on
humanity. This is especially true of certain concepts that are firmly engrained
in people that no amount of logical argument can make them budge.

The hanging
"so..."

Ugh, I can't stand when people do this. What's worse is that
I am guilty of it from time to time, as well. This is often employed at the end
of some explanation. Someone explains something or another, then just tacks on
a "so" to the end and expects you to fill in the blank. (Okay, it's
hard to describe in writing, so I hope you all know what I mean.) I don't like
it because it makes the other person sound like a know-it-all.

When the
toilet paper faces the wrong way

Okay, this message goes to every man and woman on the planet
(and you hermaphrodites, too). When you put a roll of toilet paper onto the
spindle, the end you tear from is supposed to face away from the wall. Personal
opinion be damned! This is my list, and what I say goes.

People who
don't think I'm a god

What's up with that?

Jimbo is currently deeply engrossed in Super Mario Galaxy. Please hold...

"See the show everyone's talking about"
Okay, let's go over this phrase, shall we? It is afairly common phrase employed during radio and television commercials in anattempt to hype an otherwise mediocre TV show. According to my copy ofWebster's New World Dictionary (third college edition, property of the USgovernment), "everyone" is a pronoun that means "everyperson", which I take to mean on the planet. That is the greatest fallacyin this phrase. It makes the claim that every single person on the planet istalking about it (I'll grant them an allowance, in that they are probably nottalking about it at the same time). To make an example of myself, I would liketo state the evidence that between college, work, anime, and video games, Ivery rarely watch any television. The probability that I will be talking aboutthe particular show advertised is exceptionally slim and almost nil. While thisis enough evidence to disprove the claim in my opinion, it may not hold up in anyform of court, should I decide to sue for false advertising. I would likelysummon an individual whose statistical likelihood of television discussion isso indistinguishable from zero, that it may as well be null. Particularly, I amthinking of an Amish individual or a Buddhist monk. Their conversations wouldmore likely consist of topics ranging from horse anatomy to sand rakingtechniques. Never (yes, I said never) would you hear them utter anythingregarding a television program. I think the time has come to file some lawsuitsagainst this phrase, if only for financial gain.

Postscript: I would like to point out that I was not talkingabout the show (thereby increasing the likelihood of the claim), but talking about the claim itself.
Post postscript: I realize that the show in questioncould possibly be an anime, in which case it is quiet possible that I would betalking about it. In response to this, I say "shut up."

Just a reminder: the R1 DVDs for Kanon will be coming out on
the first of January. For the uninitiated, Kanon (the 2006 version) is quite
possibly the best anime ever to grace my eyes. I plan to be there for the
release of every DVD.

In other news, my faithful pocket watch, which
provided me years of service, has finally broken. While the damage doesn't look
too bad, it is actually irreparable. This means I may
actually have to find... a new watch. I'm broken on the inside, I assure you.

Note: I would just like to point out before hand that where
I live, 90.9 FM is a classical station. You probably would have figured that
out by the time the post was done, but it reads funnier when you know this beforehand.

Now it's time for some more fun hypothetical conversations at work. Here
we go:

That's it. I have to change the radio station. Anyone have
any suggestions?
Put it on 90.9!
90.9? Never heard of it. What's it play?
Music.
Geez, what kind of music?
Ah... it's a mix station. Y'know it plays all kinds of music
from the '70s, '80s, '90s.
Okay, lets give it a shot.
(classical music starts playing)
What the heck!? Why would you choose a classical station?
What's wrong with classical music?
I thought you said it was a mix station?
It is. It plays all kinds of music from the 1770s, 1880s,
and 1990s, depending on what orchestra is playing the piece.
No.
(sad face)

... daisuki

POTENTIAL SPOILERS: BE WARNED!

I watch a lot of romance anime, so I get to see a great
number of kokuhaku (confession) scenes. Honestly, they are some of my favorite
scenes, but even I will admit that they tend to be a bit cliché. They usually
fall into one of four categories:

The Taciturn
This is one of the more common ones. Basically, the one
confessing is rather shy and stutters while speaking. There is often a great
deal of blushing and eye aversion. An example of The Taciturn Kokuhaku would
come from Lovely Complex between
Suzuki and Chiharu. The guy was a blundering mess, but eventually got his point
across. And there was much rejoicing. (yay!)

The Sudden
Here's another confession I see a lot of. Without really
meaning to, the smitten character blurts out his or her feelings, much to the
shock of the receiving party. A prime example of this type comes from Midori no Hibi the manga, where Ayase
blurts out her feeling to Seiji. I also group into this type the complete lack
of a confession. The main character just skips all that fluff and proceeds to
kiss / make out with / copulate with the other party member. See Kimikiss - pure rouge. Kai finally got
the courage to kiss Mao. And there was much rejoicing. (yay!)

The Final
I also call this the last words confession. Just before the
two love birds meet their final fate, they confess to each other. I don't see
this one very often, and I feel it's rather cheap, but it seems to be fitting
in some anime. Here specifically I think of the first season of Shakugan no Shana, when Shana confesses
to Yuuji just before unleashing a huge F(ire)-Bomb. As a result, Yuji hardly
heard a word of it, but it did lead to a second season. And there was much
rejoicing. (yay!)

The Reluctant
This type is a favorite with tsundere characters. They
hate themselves for it, but they fall for the other, generally wimpy character.
As a result, their kokuhaku lacks confidence. While this can often be mixed
with The Sudden type, I consider it to be separate. One of the best examples
comes from Love Hina the manga when
Naru (finally) confesses to Keitaro. She thinks he'll laugh at her for the turn
around, but he takes it all well. And there was much rejoicing. (yay!)

I'm sure at least some
of you have heard of the recent hostage situation that took place at the
campaign headquarters of Hilary Clinton. It seems the schmuck decided to strap
a bunch of road flares onto his chest. While that's still dangerous, I don't
think it would do anything more than singe the carpeting (and himself,
obviously). This is all well and good, but the article I read was different
than just a recap of the event. To begin with, the title of the article read
"Hostages recover from ordeal" (sauce).
Yeah? No crap! What else are they going to do: completely lose their mind? That
would make for a more interesting headline. "Hostages go completely
bonkers from ordeal." I'm sure the subheading would be something along the
lines of "asylum workers thank the mad bomber for the pay raise this would
surely bring them." Anyway, I think an article about how people recover
from some ordeal is rather redundant, especially when it was something as
meager as a faux bomb threat. It would probably make a great story for a bar,
but I'm sure people aren't going to mope about it (at least, most normal
people). I cannot see a person twenty years from now begging for money on the
side of the street because he lost his job, wife, and cat Fluffles because of
being held hostage by a nutter with water pistol.

In some more important news, it seems that staring at a
woman's breasts for a little while each day has been proven to significantly
increase the lifespan of the average man (sauce). Now, it is common knowledge
that women tend to live longer than men, so in the interest of fairness we, the
men of the world, request that women start dressing sluttier. No fat chicks.

I got a new cell phone yesterday. It has more features on it
than I really need, which is pretty easy to do since I want only two features
on it. I want my phone to be able to send calls and receive calls. Everything
else is just fluff. I like how it has a clock on the front, but I already have
a watch I wear everywhere I go. The planner is a bit nice too, but that's what
my desk calendar is for. This is the first time I had a camera phone, so it was
nice to put my own wallpaper on there. The novelty quickly wore off after I put
my favorite Yuki picture on there, though. The most fun I had with the phone
was reading the instruction manual. At least, when I was reading the warnings
in the beginning. Here are a few of the gems.

"Never place
your phone in a microwave oven as it will cause the battery to explode."
Amazingly, this was the second warning in the entire book.
This must happen rather frequently for it to have such a place of honor. I'm
baffled by this one. What on the branches of Yggdrasill would make a person put
their cell phone in a microwave?

"Do not use the
phone in areas where its use is prohibited."
I'm amazed this one even needs explaining. It just seems
redundant.

"Do not drop,
strike, or shake your phone severely. It may harm the internal circuit boards
of the phone."
Have you ever tried wading your way through a phone menu
system? It's enough to make you stop caring about the fragile internal circuit
boards (of the phone, not your computer). They should make an exception to this rule for that case. Maybe even cover it on the warranty.

"Do not hold or
let the antenna come in contact with your body during a call."
I like the way they don't explain why on this one. I'm sure
the technical writer wanted to add "or you will suffer a painful death,"
but just didn't have the gall. I would also like to point out that my phone
doesn't have an antenna. The phone itself is the antenna, so I am not supposed
to touch it or I will die.

"Unplug the
power cord and charger during lightning storms to avoid electric shock or
fire."
I don't really understand this one. I suppose it implies
that if it's plugged in during a storm, there could be a power surge and fry
it. I don't understand the fire part, though. Is it liable to explode?

"Only authorized
personnel should service the phone and its accessories."
I don't know who these authorized personnel are, but
if they are anything like the authorized personnel in other companies, I would
hardly trust them to fix my toaster.

It's about time we updated our hurricane naming conventions.
Every year we draw upon the same boring names that do little to strike fear
into the hearts of already fearful Americans. I mean, how can you honestly hope
to have Miami evacuated when a class-5 Hurricane Bill is supposed to make
landfall? You can't. It's not scary enough. They need to start naming
hurricanes after villains. You might be able to get people's attention if
Hurricane Megatron was about to slam into Georgia. Also, we can't just go
around skipping letters either. It's just wasteful. You have twenty-six letters
in the alphabet, so use them! Here is a proposed list of name that can be used
for next years hurricane season.

Apocalypse
Bowser
Cobra
Darth Vader
Emperor Palpatine
Freddy Krueger

Gollum
Hannibal Lecter
Ivan Drago
Joker
KHAAAAAAN!
Lex Luthor
Motherfuckin' Snakes
NegaDuck
Orochimaru
Predator
Queen Beryl
Robotnik
Skeletor
Tetsuo
Ursula
Voldemort
Wicked Witch of the West
Xerxes
Your mom!
Zombie

So what if two of them are from Star Wars? I like Star Wars.
This, of course, is only a list for one year, so that crack team over at NOAA
had better get started on the list for 2009.