"Alright class, today let us give a warm hand to Joey's father, Mr. Grier."
"Hey class."
"Hi Dad."
"Well, why don't you tell the class what it is you do?"
"Hn, I'm a repo man. When somebody doesn't pay their bills, I come in and collect some of their stuff."
"I see. How about telling the children some of stories from your job?"
"Yeah, Dad. Tell them about the one guy, y'know, with the biiiiig TV!"
"Oh yes, that was an interesting day. I was takin' the TV of this one fella that didn't pay his bills. It was just me 'n' Jerry that day. We went in there and the fella actually pulled a gun on us. We were trained for this kinda thing, 'course, and managed to get him down on the ground before he could even turn th' safety off."
"Cool!"
"Then there was that one guy on th' other end a' town. We already had the car we were takin' on the tow hitch and were about ta' drive away when he sent about a dozen huge Rottweiler's after us. We was already in the truck, so they couldn't do nothing but bang up against the side. We had a good laugh, and the guy was lookin' at us from the window. He looked pissed. The best part was that we got to charge the guy ta' fix the dent in the truck."
"I-I see, Mr. Grier. Um, what, what can you tell us about your job? What do you do on a normal day?"
"On a normal day? Gosh, well, I usually get called in by a credit company. They tell me where I need to go and what to snatch. I try to show up at about two in the afternoon while them guys are at work, though sometimes I run into them anyway. I guess if they was employed they wouldn't miss their bills. The worst is when it's just their wife at home. I've still got the scars on my arm from when some of them would come scratchin' at me. Apparently they just become too attached to that jewelry they got."
"Sounds like it's a dangerous job."
"Not too bad. It's not really fun, but you pretty much get used ta' it. There was this one guy, though, that kinda got the jump on me. He actually had the nerve ta' set a trap for me! Can ya believe it? I was still finding dried chunks a' tar comin' off a' me 'bout a week after."
"Ah, well, that's about all the time we have today Mr. Grier."
"Really, that's it?"
"I'm sorry sir. Thank you for coming in."
"Nn-hn, anytime."

I think it would be a bit fun to run my own
country. I don't mean some big country, like Chad. I was thinking of a country
roughly the size of a one-room flat. That way it would be easier to keep track
of all citizens. Policing would be a breeze. If someone gets out of line, I can
simply deport them by gently nudging them over the border. I also wouldn't need
a complicated propaganda distribution system. I can just print out a flyer and
hand one to each of the citizens personally. Not only do I get valuable
"face time" with my constituency, I also get to keep tabs on everyone
that I don't like. The one guy who doesn't look at the flyer when I hand it to
him: you better believe he's getting deported. I will not be having wishy-washy
citizens in my country. Oh yes, there will be laws. It will just be the basic ones:
no killing, obey the president-for-life (me), and no fat chicks. Otherwise,
people will be free to do what they want, so long as it doesn't creep me out.
Did you feel like streaking from one end of the country to the other? Well,
okay, but keep in mind that you will be filmed, and all film is property of the
government and can be used for revenue production. That also brings up the
topic of tax. Since there are very few rules, there will also be very little
(read: no) exports. Everything will be imported. This type of economy will, unfortunately
require heavy taxation. My only hope is that the US doesn't see my country as
some sort of harbor for terror. My country, while strict internally, would be
peaceful externally, similar to Switzerland. I daresay it will be fun to run my
little plot of land with an iron fist.

I have decided to grow a goatee. There is no particular reason; I just never had one before. I know, I know, you can just throw that logic back in my face and say "well, you never jumped off of a building before." For your information, I did. It was several years ago when I had to clear some branches off of the roof of my house and the ladder fell over. I'll grant you that I never threw myself from a fifty story building without a tether or parachute, but I think I will save that one for last. Anyway, regarding the goatee. I already have a little billy goat chin stubble, à la Shaggy from Scooby-Doo, but I want the whole mouth-encompassing goatee this time. I know from old pictures of my dad that he had a mustache when he was about my age. He looked silly. It is my hope and intention to take this knowledge from the past and repeat it. This time, however, I will repeat the same mistake but get a completely different outcome. Y'know, because I'm cool like that. On the bright side, at least I have one less area to shave in the morning.

Yesterday, I finally broke down and purchased a Bible for myself. I figured that if I was going to take my New
Year's resolution seriously, I may as well get it out of the way
early. I actually asked my dad if I could borrow his Bible, but he could not
find it anywhere in the house. This shows just how religious my household is.
So I was in the bookstore, Borders, and they had this handy little index on the
shelf that helped you pick the "bible that was just for you". It
recommended that I pick up a study bible: one that has a little bit of text per
page, while the remaining eighty-percent is footnote. After a long and arduous
selection process, I finally picked up the NIV (Not Important Version) Study
Bible because it was cheapest. I say it was cheapest, but even then it ran me
thirty bucks. Outside of my college textbooks, this easily makes it one of the
most expensive books in my library. I realize in hindsight that I probably
could've just stopped into any church and asked for a Bible. They would have
probably given me three of them. The Bible is now next in line in my queue of
books to read. It should be interesting to read the entire thing, if only to
say that I, as an atheist/Pastafarian, have read the entire Bible cover to
cover, which is something not even most Christians have done (I think the
statistic is around forty-percent in the US). Onward to the Garden of Madness!

A couple of days ago, I decided to stop in a local coffee shop. It lacked the twin-tailed siren of Starbucks, but I figured this Joe Muggs would work. A guy with aviator glasses makes a worthy substitute. Now, let me tell you a little bit about the main character of this scene (me). I don't like coffee. I don't like tea. They both taste like dirty water to me. I hesitate to try any of those designer coffees; because, I will probably spend about five bucks on something that tastes like a slightly different form of dirty water (dirty water with a sprig of vanilla is still dirty water). Don't ask me why I was even going into a coffee shop in the first place. It was a spur of the moment thing. Anyway, I looked up at the menu, and decided to play it safe and order a small hot apple cider. Of course, I couldn't say "small hot apple cider". That would be a serious faux pas in the coffee shop environment. You see, a "tall" is considered a "small" in this place. I don't really understand, but I honestly don't think anyone else does either. So I order my "tall" apple cider, and realize I made a mistake as the clerk proceeded to squirt some syrupy liquid into a Styrofoam cup. He then proceeds to fill the remainder of the cup with warm water. I say warm, because when I put this liquid to my mouth, it was only about as hot the cup itself. Needless to say, it tasted terrible. It was a heckuva lot better than coffee or tea, but it just did not compare at all to some real hot apple cider. If I ever stop by again, I'm just going to order some water. "I'd like a 'tall' glass of water, please." I wonder how the worker ("barista") would react. I just hope he or she doesn't call over coworkers to stare at me.

This is a tough question. If you think about it, each possible animal has its merits. Let's run down a quick list:

• Giraffes – After being swallowed, your body will at least be granted a fun trip allllllll the way down the neck. It probably wouldn't be a complete freefall, but it should be entertaining.
• Apteryx – These little guys have such small beaks that it would probably take them a large chunk of time to completely eat you. Assuming you were still alive, you could probably bake a cake and eat it before it even finishes off a leg. Plus, they're just adorable.
• Tyrannosaurus – The only reason for this one is because it would be a bit of a conundrum. I mean, the T-Rex is extinct, right? To be eaten by one would be awesome.
• Platypus – This one is for pure bragging rights. There you are sitting in Heaven/Hell/Purgatory/Valhalla, and your mates are all discussing about their awesome deaths. I would like to see someone trump "eaten by a platypus".
• Narwhal – I'm just curious how it would feel to be swallowed by one of these guys. Would it need to chew? If so, how would it with that monstrous front tooth?
• Venus Fly Trap – Wait, this list is animals only. Nevermind.
• Starfish – I don't really know why. I think I'll blame Clannad. Why does Fuko-chan have to be so adorable?

I just answered what should be a featured question. All your base are belong to us!

EDIT: All credit for this question goes to Amanda. I hope it does become a featured question in the future. It's rather morbid, so it'll be unlikely, but it's nice to see people get their hopes up.

So much to do and so little time to do it!

Here is something I would try to do while I was in class this morning. I set out to try and name a song for every letter in the alphabet without any help from my listed song library. I actually managed to pull it off. I was hung up on Q for a while, but The Moody Blues pulled me through. Here is my list of the first songs to pop into my head, from A to Z.

• All Along the Watchtower - The Jimi Hendrix Experience
• Bad, Bad Leroy Brown - Jim Croce
• Calling Dr. Love - Kiss
• Diary of Horace Wimp - Electric Light Orchestra
• Eleanor Rigby - The Beatles
• Frankenstein - Edgar Winter Group
• Georgy Porgy - Toto
• Hello, Goodbye - The Beatles
• I Am A Rock - Simon & Garfunkel
• Jumpin' Jack Flash - The Rolling Stones
• Kashmir - Led Zeppelin
• Lets Dance - David Bowie
• Magic Carpet Ride - Steppenwolf
• No One Together - Kansas
• Ohio - Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young
• Paradise by the Dashboard Light - Meatloaf
• Question - The Moody Blues
• Rader Love - Golden Earring
• Smokin' - Boston
• Touch and Go - The Cars
• Under Pressure - Queen & David Bowie
• Ventura Highway - American
• Werewolves of London - Warren Zevon
• Xanadu - Electric Light Orchestra
• You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet - Bachman-Turner Overdrive
• Ziggy Stardust - David Bowie

Well, at least that should give you all some insight into the music I listen to. Until next time...

The ending to Deathly Hallows left me severely dissatisfied. It just did not cover enough of each characters future life. Even with Rowling’s later supplements (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19959323/ & http://www.bloomsbury.com/harrypotter/content.asp?sec=3&sec2=1), there just leaves so much unexplained. That’s where I come in. I would like to present to you my beliefs on what the future holds for several of the characters.

Harry
While he does manage to become the head of the Auror Department, Harry continues to be hounded by the limelight after his defeat of Voldemort. His every move seems to be reported by every tabloid from the Daily Prophet to Honest Squib’s XXX Revue. This constantly monitored lifestyle and frequent bouts of depression has cause stress on himself and his marriage. Twenty years after the fall of Voldemort, Harry and Ginny filed for a divorce. He is now the weekend guardian of his three children and has recently been charged with involvement in the Rotfang Conspiracy alongside several other aurors. He is later acquitted due to lack of evidence, but some suspect that his fame granted him the pardon.

Ron & Hermione
While they never shared a stable relationship, it seems to be further deteriorating at a steady rate since their marriage. Their oil and water personalities result in frequent rows, but both are too proud to get a divorce. This lackluster love-life has caused Ron to sleep around with several mistresses, including none other than Luna Lovegood (Lovegood by name, Love-very­-good by reputation), much to the chagrin of her husband. This has not gone unnoticed by Hermione, but she refuses to acknowledge it. This has resulted in increased aggression in her work in Magical Law Enforcement, earning her the nickname “Manic Mudblood”.

Neville Longbottom
He finally managed to show off his proficiency in herbology with his appointment as professor, but his wishy-washy personality has made him a mockery amongst students. There are rumors spreading that the herbology department of Hogwarts may be cut, as has already occurred with divination after the loss of Firenze and death of Trelawney from alcohol poisoning. Neville, after the death of his grandmother, succumbed to an addiction to happiness potions.

This list to be continued when I’m feeling, once again, in a particularly crummy mood.

I think the most frequent conversation starter for me and others is complaining. Whether at work or school, complaining just seems to be a great way to get together because everyone can relate to it. It's also a great way to test the water. If the other party does not complain about the same things I do, then he or she is not worthy of my attention. The other great thing is that, no matter what the subject, there is always a wealth of things to complain about. At school: high tuition costs, vacuum-esque professors, the startling lack of Chipotle in the food court, overzealous badminton recruiters, etc. At work: (humorous list removed for job safety reasons). At the mall: slow walking people, old slow walking people, stinky old slow walking people, other people, etc. On the John: people who barge in on you, etc. It's important to gauge conversational complaining, however. While it is great for a conversation starter, too much complaining often results in a bored listener and dry mouth. While I don't consider myself a frequent complainer, I have met others who can complain for hours. It all eventually sounds the same. I would recommend, if you subscribe to this form of oration, to carry around water to keep a regular flow of spit flinging from your mouth, and maybe a notepad to keep score for each time you complain about the same thing and the listener carries on as though it was the first time you said it.

   

I just answered this Featured Question, you can answer it too!