March 31, 2008

• It can go up a chimney down, but not vice-versa

  Did you ever walk down the halls of school or work with your
  umbrella open? Neither have I, but I would imagine it would be a fascinating
  endeavour. Just imagine all of the stares you would get from people. First of
  all, you would have all of the people who are superstitious about such things.
  They would helpfully remind you that it was “bad luck” to open an umbrella
  indoors. This is all hogwash, of course, as his views would likely change if
  the fire alarm sounded and the sprinklers activated. The other stares garnered
  would come from others in said hallway. If the umbrella used was a fairly large
  one, like the umbrella I possess, people would be jostled out of the way to
  avoid losing an eye. I do not want any of this sissy talk about “holding it
  over peoples’ heads”. If it’s high enough for me to hold comfortably, then
  by-golly it’s high enough for people to duck under. It could happen that a
  particularly negative person would attempt to wrestle the umbrella from you
  just to free up the flow of traffic. Do not let such actions succeed. Throw him
  to the ground and continue on your way. Never compromise your principles. There
  is a silver lining, however, as many of the local rebels may cheer your
  absurdity. Do not interact with these people. Give them a simple nod and wave
  like a visiting monarch and continue on your way. Oh, and there will be none of
  this parasol nonsense. It is to be an umbrella and nothing less.

  • 12:12 pm
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