Yesterday I had a hankering for some nice, home-style
cooking. When that hankering comes up, you had best believe it is time for
another rousing edition of Cooking with Jimbo! Last time, I gave you in-depth
instructions on how to prepare a fine plate of fried
eggplant and pasta. Today, I thought I would go with a dish that is
actually two dishes. It is essentially a pasta side dish
with some fried green beans and onion, or, as I like to call it, the DOUBLE
SIDE DISH BONANZA! For the sake of ease, I shall separate the two halves of
instructions. I will begin with the fried veggies.
Part 1: Fried
Stuff
Step 1: Purchase Ingredients
You shall begin your quest for ingredients in the produce
section. If you are like me, you will probably not be very familiar with this
area. You can find the orange stand in seconds flat, but trying to find
anything else will be an exercise. What you will need to find is the basket of
green beans and a small yellow onion. Fortunately, many grocery stores
conveniently locate the signs for these items nowhere near them. When you
locate the sign for green beans, walk to the other end of the grocery store and
there they will be. The same is true with the onions. Be sure to check the
ceiling if you cannot locate them. You will also need to purchase a few spices
to "spice things up". Ahem, yes, these are usually located in the
spice section. I would recommend picking up some oregano, chili powder, and
some mysterious spice known as marjoram. This should not be confused with
margarine, which is just silly (real cooks use butter). If you don't already
have some under the sink, you should also pick up some vegetable oil (and maybe
some deodorant, y'know, while you're at the store).
Step 2: Boil water
Once again, the vile water boiling section rears its ugly
head. You should take a large saucepan and fill it with about half-an-inch of
water. You will put this water onto a stove until it comes to a boil. Be sure
to watch it very carefully the entire time to ensure proper
boilage.
Step 3: Drop in green beans
Drop in green beans.
Step 4: Simmer
With the green beans safely dropped, cover the pan and turn
the burner to its "low" setting (if cooking over an open fire, just
take your best guess). You may now leave the beans to simmer.
"Simmer" is a fancy-pants term used by cooks which basically means do
nothing. I would practice juggling with the oranges in the fruit basket, if I
was you. Allow to simmer for about fifteen minutes.
Step 5: Chop onion
I suppose that you could chop the onion
while it's simmering, rather than juggle (as you can tell, I wasn't very good
at it). Take your sharpest knife from the drawer and put the onion on the most
expensive cutting board you possess. You don't want to look cheap to the
cameras in the ceiling. Chop off the two fuzzy ends (and discard), peel off the
brown skins (and discard), cut the onion in half (do not discard), and then
chop into thin slices (do not discard). I understand that this may be
difficult, but it is nothing to cry over. Wussy.
Step 6: Drain the beans, etc.
After simmering, go ahead and drain out the beans into a
drainer. It may be best to do this over the sink, but I will not force you.
Afterwards, take your pan and pour in a thin layer of oil (very thin layer (I
mean it, ultra thin! (this is important, thin!))). Warm up the oil on the burner
set to "low" for a minute or two, then dump on the onions. It should
begin sizzling. If not, double check to make sure that your burner is, in fact,
on. Let them sizzle, while occasionally prodding with a wooden spoon, until
they start turning a light brown. As they soften, drop on the green beans and a
tiny amount of each of the three spices I mentioned before. Mix up the
amalgamation and let sizzle for about another minute.
Step 7: Drop onto plate
That's all you need to do for that part. Drop it carefully
onto your plate and let it cool while you prepare the
pasta.
Part 2: Pasta stuff
Step 1: Buy ingredients
You may wish to do this while purchasing the ingredients in
part 1. You will want to find a bag of Knorr brand Pasta Sides in the broccoli
and chicken flavor variety.
Step 2: Read directions on back of
bag*
Step 3: Follow instructions on back of bag
I would love to handhold you through these directions, but I
think you are all big enough to follow grown-up directions like
these.
Actual picture, taken by me, of finished product.
It looks bad, but it's actually quite tasty.
* May require basic literary
skills
I think I'm starting to go insane. You see, my folks just
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