Month: July 2008

  • I Was Born a Babbling Man

    Since I'm living on my
    own now, I think it's time I started developing a hobby I always wanted to try.
    I'm going to start muttering to myself. The best part about this hobby is that
    I can do it whenever I want to. It doesn’t matter if I'm in a crowd, or alone
    at home. I can just start muttering. As an added incentive, most people in the
    world are probably too timid to tell a person muttering to keep quiet.
    Raskolnikov from Crime and Punishment
    is going to become one of my new heroes, as I can think of no better mutterer
    to have as a role model. I plan to take to this hobby slowly. I don't think
    it's possible to just dive in and start babbling nonsense to yourself. I'll
    start off simply with coherent and thought-out sentences spoken in a hushed,
    low voice. This will probably materialize as a long string of complaints. As I
    feel more comfortable with this tone of voice, I intend to become less
    coherent. I'll start making up words and inserting long and short pauses
    arbitrarily throughout my monologues. Hopefully I can extend this with abrupt
    topic shifts. With further practice, I hope to finally develop it into full
    arguments with myself. These arguments will be kept private with a large
    vocabulary of completely nonsensical words. With any luck, this hobby will
    completely alienate me from the rest of society, which is basically the whole
    purpose. I wonder if they have a Muttering
    for Dummies
    .

  • Off the clock

    I'm a bit curious as to what prostitutes do when they are
    off the clock. I don't mean freelance prostitutes, who set their own schedules
    and probably work long hours. I refer to those whores who have pimps, or a
    basic boss. I would imagine that the pimp would set some regular hours for his
    employees, giving them, I dunno, afternoons and weekends off. What do
    prostitutes do to fill those extra hours? I mean, most salary-earning business
    people use their free time to hire prostitutes. I can't imagine these whores
    doing that. They probably get enough of that crap from work. I similarly find
    it difficult to picture a prostitute, still dressed in her fishnets and pumps,
    reading the complete works of Nietzsche (actually, I have very little trouble picturing
    this... don't judge me). I could be completely wrong about this, of course.
    Maybe most prostitutes are intellectuals that understand the world is crap and
    whoring is the only job with any real security. I'm sure most pimps offer great
    dental plans, too. They just need to ensure they mark those Spandex "work
    uniforms" as a tax write-off.

  • Amoral Relations

    The premiere dating site for the hopelessly incompetent

    Profile

    Photo:

    Username: Ramrod226
    Real Name: withheld
    Age: 39
    Job: Other
    Gender: M
    Seeking: F
    Love style: Tender

    Description:
    I am currently seeking a woman who is not afraid of an immediate long-term relationship. I have a sink full of dishes and a basket full of soiled laundry that needs immediate attention. Must not speak to me "in that tone of voice". Must accept occasional chastisement and complete subordination. Also, would it kill you to cook something different for dinner every now and then? I'm sick and tired of chicken every @#$%ing night. And don't look at me like that! Must have tough skin.

    About me:
    I enjoy contemplating Shakespeare, practicing at the shooting range alone, complaining about work, and women who keep their mouth shut.

    E-mail this user? Click here!

  • Twenty-one

    I'm finding this a little hard to believe. At a quarter past
    noon, I will be precisely twenty-one years old. Ah, the freedom! Ah, the
    exhilaration! Ah, the huge mushroom and onion pizza I'm going to eat for lunch.
    Truly, a lot has happened to me in these 2.1 decades. Let me take a look back
    on some of the things that I have done...

    • Graduated high school - Yay! I managed to
      accomplish something that 10% of the population does not. Not only that, I
      managed to pull it off with honors. The most amazing part about all of this? It
      will probably have no bearing in my adult life. I have had quite a few job
      interviews, and never once was I asked whether I graduated high school with
      honors. I'm sure some colleges like to hear that a person graduated with
      honors, but if you decide to go to a community college for the first two years
      (the far cheaper and more sensible option), it doesn't really make a
      difference.
    • Got hit by a car - This was when I was just a kid,
      but it's still something I remember quite well. This was no tiny nudge, either.
      I was out cold and woke up in a ditch with paramedics surrounding me. It
      happened at a point in my life where I rode my bicycle everywhere I went. Needless
      to say, I gradually phased out bicycle-riding to a point where I don't even own
      one anymore. I am presently working on phasing out all forms of
      movement.
    • Survived dial-up - I'm not sure how I managed. If
      I ever lost my high-speed internet connection for a long time, I don't know how
      I would handle it. Cannibalism, probably.
    • Earned the rank of Eagle Scout - I don't know if
      I'm allowed to claim this distinction anymore. Yes, I did earn Eagle Scout, but
      that was back when I was something of a Christian. I have since converted to a
      less reverent "religion", but I have been told that Eagle Scout is a
      lifetime honor. Once again, religion has made me confused.
    • Found naked Jessica Alba video - Just when I
      thought puberty couldn't get better, I found the
      best video on the Internet
      .
    • Remained celibate - This was completely by choice
      (not mine).
    • Attempted to write a list of major life events on
      the eve of my twenty-first birthday and realized how dull my life is - I'm glad
      I have video games and anime to fill everything up. And pizza. Lots and lots of
      pizza.

    Wasn't that exciting? Stay tuned to this Xanga for more and
    more of my oft exciting life tales. Here's hoping for another twenty-one years
    of not being quite dead yet. I feeeeeeel happyyyyy~

  • Grassroots

    If you ask me, I think that armed vigilante groups are going
    to come out on top in the world. These groups will realize that the government
    will not stand up for their purposes, so they take matters in to their own
    hands. Their numbers will swell as more people are convinced to join through
    convincing propaganda and word of mouth (and free pens). Eventually they will
    infiltrate the higher echelons of government and either break it down into a
    dictatorship (this happened in the past), or just be so annoying that members
    of government do what they ask only to be rid of them. Here are a few groups
    that I think would go places if given the chance.

    • Society for the Elimination of Poison Arrow Frogs (SERD):
      This group will begin in South America, and will start out as a group of friends
      who had lost someone to these minute beasts. They will begin convincing people
      to join their cause and collect a large cache of weapons through connections in
      the drug trade. Their primary activities include violently enticing people to
      follow their cause and eliminating frogs one-by-one by hiking through the
      jungles. Eventually, the government will try to stomp out SERD as the poison
      arrow frog gets listed on some environmental protection list. There would be
      violence, a coup, and eventually SERD will hold a lot of power and decide to
      finish off what's left of that rainforest.
    • Free Punch in the Face Coalition: Inspired by YouTube's
      "Free Hugs" campaign, a group of friends decided that this wussy-like
      activity needed to be stopped. The way they see it, the world is already too
      peaceful of a place, and there needs to be more violence. They will post their
      own YouTube video with a catchy song that would be seen by many. After a flare
      up in Iran involving the president and an involuntarily acquired black eye, the
      governments of the world try to track down the video uploaders. The Coalition
      catches wind of this, acquires arms, and goes on the offensive.
    • NAMBLA: Enough f~cking around. It's on.

  • Awaiting Input...

    No, I didn't post this morning. Sorry, but I got up late. Hopefully I'll have something for tomorrow. For now, just enjoy a YouTube clip of one of my favorite comedians: Lewis Black.

  • Summer 2008 Anime Season

    Is it really that time again? Another anime season has started up, so let me give you my thoughts on some of the series I'm following. Once again, it will be presented in order of importance (first being most important, obviously).

    Code Geass: Hangyaku no Lelouch R2
    Genre: action


    Oh man, I have heard that so many times before

    I'm not really covering any new ground here. This is the same great series that held the number one spot from last season. The series seems to be advancing very quickly. The ending of every episode makes me think that the last episode is next to come. I hope it doesn't burn itself out. I think I have a sudden hankering for Pizza Hut.

    Zero no Tsukaima ~Princess no Rondo~
    Genre: romantic comedy


    Baseball... cold showers... baseball... cold showers...

    I, honestly, started watching the Zero no Tsukaima series about a week ago, and I am thoroughly enjoying it. I plowed through the first two seasons in about four days, and I'm just starting the third season. It is simply an enjoyable and entertaining series. While I'm not usually a tsundere fan, I find Louise absolutely adorable. I'm still rooting for Tabitha, though.

    Itazura na Kiss
    Genre: romantic comedy


    Three cameramen sacrificed their lives in acquiring this photo

    Ah... my favorite romance anime is continuing through this season as well. It surprised me that the series was only halfway through after the kokuhaku scene. I can only wonder what else there is to say. Oh, the suspense. Shh... I'm watching my stories.

    Nogizaka Haruka no Himitsu
    Genre: romantic comedy


    I trust you enough to make your own humorous caption

    I've only seen one episode of this anime so far, but it seems promising, albeit clichéd. Basic premise: rich, popular girl is actually a closet otaku and is trying to keep it a secret. Loser-kun protagonist accidentally discovers secret, they fall in love, and enjoy nights and nights of passionate self-constraint. My kind of series, to be sure.

    Special A
    Genre: romantic comedy


    I predict that there will be a crucifixion by the end of the series

    It pains me to admit it, but this series is really going nowhere. This series is a carry over from last season, and the only reason I'm watching it is because I'm curious how they can manage to drag this series on any longer. It's not a bad series, but it isn't great either. I suppose it's just there to whet my appetite while waiting for the next episode of the series above it.

    Sekirei
    Genre: ecchi (crap)


    Nobody likes a pole humper

    Y'know what? Nevermind. I'm not watching this series anymore. I've seen three episodes and it has been just pure crap. It seems that the producers attempted to mix a deep, engrossing action anime with a cheesy ecchi series. This, of course, led to a failure on both counts. I'm dropping this series. Forget I mentioned it.

    Postscript: I'm still watching Chi's Sweet Home here and there, but I didn't bother writing about it this time. I also started watching Gurren Lagann on DVD, but I won't include it on the list. It's okay, I guess. Doesn't seem to have much meat to it yet.

  • Baffling Logic

    FINALLY! A logical argument...

  • The Dark Knight, a review

    Fig 7.21: Picture not related.

    Yes, I went to see the new Batman movie yesterday. Before I
    begin with a review, let me make something clear. I am a geek, but I never got
    into American superhero comic books. Superman, Spiderman, Batman, Daredevil,
    Fantastic 4, and all the rest... never really drew me. Now, give me some anime,
    Star Wars, or video games and that's a different story, but super hero comics
    never did it for me. So a search for canonical accuracy was not the draw for
    me. Neither was Heath Ledger, to set the record straight. I went in to see an
    entertaining action movie. The Dark
    Knight
    certainly did deliver.

    Where do I begin? I guess I'll start with everyone's
    favorite draw: The Joker. That dead guy (Heath Ledger) did an excellent job in
    playing one of the greatest psychopaths since Hannibal Lector. I think I
    finally have a new hero to look up to. He commits crimes just for the sake of
    committing crimes. I love it. He doesn't think, he doesn't plan, he just goes.
    He has no past and no future; only the present. That is my kind of enemy. He cannot be defeated. He is the
    unstoppable force to Batman's immovable self. The bow on the top of this great
    package is that he has a wicked sense of humor. Anyway, enough about that.

     The movie features a
    lot of things getting blown up. This is, of course, a major plus. Any movie
    instantly becomes better with big explosions (You've Got Mail, anyone?). There were also a good number of
    gunfights and the more impressive knifefights. There were plenty of car crashes
    and the more impressive business dinners. All of these elements tied themselves
    in neatly with the story, which I won't spoil for you.

    There are only a few things in the minus column. First and
    foremost is Bruce Wayne / Batman's (spoiler!) character. He was boring.
    Friggin' vigilantes. They should've just made the movie about The Joker. Well,
    water under the bridge. At least he made a great catalyst for getting stuff
    blown up. I also didn't like how it finished without much of an ending. At
    least, not for me. I'll let you make up your own minds.

    Rating: 8.8630087 / 10.0

    Oh, I also plan to use The Joker's phrase "why so
    serious" for the next couple of days. I'll try to keep it out of my
    writing. Until next time... screw Flanders.

  • Getting [Barbeque] Sauced

    If I didn't already
    mention it to you, let me say now that in about a week's time I will reach the
    tender age of twenty-one. I've mentioned this to quite a few people, and they
    all seem more excited about it than I do. Every single person - that's: Every.
    Single. Person. I mentioned that to immediately asked if I was going out
    drinking. Even people who were younger than me asked that. Heck, I had somebody
    younger than me recommend a drink I should try (a Grateful Dead?). While I will
    not resort to using emoticons, that recommendation did result in a serious case
    of raised eyebrow. Anyway, I would like to set the record clear here and now
    that I have no intention of imbuing any alcohol before, on, or after my
    twenty-first birthday. It's not for health reasons or anything (you should see
    how much fatty food I eat), but because I have seen what it does to people too
    many times. The sauce makes people either stupid or aggressive (frequently
    both), which are the two personality traits I hate most in humanity. I don't
    want to be relegated to that kind of a person. A few people have tried to push
    the drinking thing, so I told them that the only way I would drink on my
    birthday is if they bought for me a bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue Label, which,
    I understand, is one of the more expensive beverages (and it also comes in a
    pretty box). If you all drink, I don't care (that's your decision), but it just
    isn't for me. That's all I have to say about that.