July 18, 2008

• Go and Shoot Yourself 2

  Welcome back everyone to the most popular radio advice show on the airwaves "Go and Shoot Yourself" on Hawt 99.9! Once again, this is your host Karen coming at you from my cushy studio and I'm ready to take your calls. Hello, you're on "Go and Shoot Yourself".

  Hi Karen, I need your help through a tough time in my life.

  Of course, that's what I'm here for.

  You see, a few weeks ago I was in Vegas... yeah, you can probably see where this is going. I was drunk, she was a prostitute, one thing led to another, I woke up and found out she was my sister.

  So you're having difficulty accepting the fact that you slept with your sister?

  No, no, I loved that part. The problem is that she stole all my money and then told mom. My cell hasn't stopped buzzing. I don't know how to make it stop.

  Okay, just listen for a minute, I think I can help. Are you still in Vegas?

  Yeah, I didn't have any more money for a bus ticket.

  Good. I want you to climb to the top of the casino, look over the railing... and then go and shoot yourself.

  Wow, thanks Karen. You're the best.

  I know I am. Who's next?

  Glad I got through. My name is Jeff from New Jersey.

  Hello Jeff from New Jersey. What's troubling you?

  Well, my roommate is really starting to get on my nerves. She is always complaining, leaving the water running, ruining the furniture, stinking up the living room. I'm fed up with it. I'm going to ask her to move out.

  So what's the problem?

  It's a bit hard to do that. She's my grandma and all...

  Yes, family matters can be difficult. Here is a bit of sage advice from me to you. I want you to stand up to your grandma. Step right in front of her and in a quick, clear movement... go and shoot yourself.

  Gee... I wonder why I never thought of that.

  It's okay. I get paid to think for people. Don't feel bad. That's about all I have time for, so please tune in next time for "Go and Shoot Yourself".

  • 5:43 am
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