It may not happen very often, but I think I can finally mix
together the words "awesome" and "Capuchin monk". You see,
I saw href="http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/7513571.stm" target="_new">this
article over at BBC News, and I was just blown away by how unexpected
it was. It was about this Christian monk who decided to start a heavy metal
band after attending a Metallica concert. Before I go further, I want you to
picture that in your head. This is a Christian monk, with a long beard and
robe, attending a Metallica concert at the tender age of 47. Just picture how
he would look in the crowd. Yeah, it's hard isn't it? Anyway, what makes this
story even more interesting is the fact that he got to play at a Gods of Metal
concert alongside such acts as Iron Maiden, Slayer, and Judas Priest. This is a
Christian monk... playing on the same stage as Slayer. How awesome is that? I
also like the way that he doesn't play metal to convert people. He plays it to
help people enjoy life. Now that's a message that should spread. Here's the
video that’s attached to the article, if you didn't bother to read
it.

As a bonus, here is a
quickly pasted YouTube video of Fratello Metallo. I, personally, don't like the
music, but that might just be because it's in Italian. I might be mistaken, but
it sounded in the beginning like he called himself a "f~cking saint".
I wonder if the pope considers himself the "f~cking pope"? Just a thought.

Welcome back everyone to the most popular radio advice show on the airwaves "Go and Shoot Yourself" on Hawt 99.9! Once again, this is your host Karen coming at you from my cushy studio and I'm ready to take your calls. Hello, you're on "Go and Shoot Yourself".

Hi Karen, I need your help through a tough time in my life.

Of course, that's what I'm here for.

You see, a few weeks ago I was in Vegas... yeah, you can probably see where this is going. I was drunk, she was a prostitute, one thing led to another, I woke up and found out she was my sister.

So you're having difficulty accepting the fact that you slept with your sister?

No, no, I loved that part. The problem is that she stole all my money and then told mom. My cell hasn't stopped buzzing. I don't know how to make it stop.

Okay, just listen for a minute, I think I can help. Are you still in Vegas?

Yeah, I didn't have any more money for a bus ticket.

Good. I want you to climb to the top of the casino, look over the railing... and then go and shoot yourself.

Wow, thanks Karen. You're the best.

I know I am. Who's next?

Glad I got through. My name is Jeff from New Jersey.

Hello Jeff from New Jersey. What's troubling you?

Well, my roommate is really starting to get on my nerves. She is always complaining, leaving the water running, ruining the furniture, stinking up the living room. I'm fed up with it. I'm going to ask her to move out.

So what's the problem?

It's a bit hard to do that. She's my grandma and all...

Yes, family matters can be difficult. Here is a bit of sage advice from me to you. I want you to stand up to your grandma. Step right in front of her and in a quick, clear movement... go and shoot yourself.

Gee... I wonder why I never thought of that.

It's okay. I get paid to think for people. Don't feel bad. That's about all I have time for, so please tune in next time for "Go and Shoot Yourself".

I think that computers are going to lead to the end of the
world, but not in the way you think. The whole "computers rise up and kill
everything" scenario is a little far-fetched. I think people themselves are
going to lead to their own destruction, specifically when computers fail. Here
is how I think it will happen.

1. All of
   the police and government crime-fighting organizations will unify their
   computer databases to track and record criminals, and all processing will cease
   to be handled on paper.
2. One
   day, an announcement goes out that this database will be shut down for a
   weekend in order to facilitate necessary maintenance and updates.
3. A few
   minutes after midnight, just after they shutdown the system, several
   convenience stores get robbed and the criminals escape because they could
   not be identified, let alone captured.
4. Word
   spreads. The criminal underworld is receiving several reports that the
   police are not doing anything. Crime rapidly escalates throughout the
   world.
5. News
   companies, in an effort to be helpful, report on this sudden rise of
   crime. Though the reports were intended to keep people safe, most regular
   people ignore it during the day, and only alerts criminals who did not
   already know that the police were ignoring them.
6. By the
   evening of the first day, the regular folk realize the increase in crime,
   but not the increase of arrests. Riots ensue. Several politicians and
   celebrities come up dead with severely mutilated bodies.
7. Massively
   destructive weapons can no longer be controlled and are launched by the masses. The
   aliens at Area 51 awaken from hibernation and quickly eliminate the noisy
   human population so they can sleep for a few extra decades.

Deus ex machina, or just a lazy writer? I'll leave that for the scholars to
decide.

Saw this little Internet game over at a friend's xanga and decided to post my own in an effort to jump-start my internal writing processes. Here were the basic rules:

Click through the links to get your answers, design your CD album cover
using what you found, and post it!

First visit a random Wikipedia article:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random.
The first article title on the page is the name of your band.

Next visit: http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3
The last four words of the very last quote is the title of your album.

Finally go to: http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days/
The third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

I must say, this one turned out interesting. Pseudo-technopunk? I just noticed now that the serial number is blotted out on the hard drive, but not on the reflection. Odd...

Comments: Wow, that is a small pen for all those chickens. I guess the concept of a factory farm is still an option. Also, I did not expect any female character to say "yo" in a Harvest Moon game.

I'm a little bit annoyed today. You see, I went out to preorder the new Harvest Moon for the Wii and collect the plush cat they give away, but the store was out of them. I mean, I know that Harvest Moon is the greatest game series ever, but I find it unlikely that there would be so many preorders that they would run out of kitty cats. I am ever so pissed. I want my gosh-darn kitty cat!

I know I haven't been posting too often. There's no real reason; I've just been lazy. I hope it doesn't last too long.

Lastly, I went to see Wanted today. I intended to write a review about it, but I think this movie could best be summed up in one word: "meh".

I can somewhat sympathize with all of these conspiracy
theorists. It is entirely possible that the government, through various means,
is keeping tabs on every single person in the country. For some reason, though,
the theorists keep attempting hair-brained schemes to fool them. I'm sure that
the government has already worked a way around those silly tin foil hats (solution:
agents with binoculars). Anyway, I sort of work for the government, but I know
full well that they are not watching me. There is no complex system at work
here. I just lead such a boring life that the government doesn't pay attention
to me. You see, by avoiding such activities as wearing tin foil hats and
shooting down helicopters, I remain below the radar of government interest. Any
phone tap listeners would probably fall asleep listening to my banal
conversations. "Hey, what's up? Not much, either. Okay, talk to you
later." I'm sure they haven't found this blog, though. I think that I
managed to fool them by wrapping foil around my modem. Let's see those punks
get around that!

I meant to post something this morning, but Xanga was acting weird; therefore, I will just give you a YouTube video since I am too tired to write anything tonight.

I must admit, I do not like the United States'
current party structure. I do not like their set-in-stone stances on issues.
The Republicans are anti-abortion and anti-euthanasia, but pro-war. Liberals,
on the other hand, are pro-choice, but anti-war. What we need is some kind of
pro-death party. A party that is not only pro-war, but pro-abortion and
pro-euthanasia. That's the party I want to vote for. Of course, they would have
some very unique policies for the economy and environment. In fact, they would
knock both unemployment and fossil fuel use down in size. People would be given
jobs running on treadmills that turn turbines and power cities. This idea is
genius (which is probably why it isn't in effect). Running with this plank, I
think the Death Party would be in prime position to take a swipe at the two
main contenders.