Seriously, I crack up every time I see this picture. Just try and prove me wrong.

...from other people

"No turn on red? Must be a typo."

"Wow, there are a lot of cars lining up behind me. I
better slow down."

"These high beams are great. I can see clearly every
car that is coming towards me."

"What does 'yield' mean? I better stop and think about
it for a second."

"Those people in the left lane are just driving too
fast. I better pull in to slow them down."

"I'm sure those 'merge ahead' signs are just for
show."

"With that Jesus fish on my bumper, I feel
invincible."

"These large, open intersections can get tricky. I
better turn reeeeeeally wide, so I don't mess up."

"I WISH THESE SPEAKERS WOULD HURRY AND BLOW OUT SO I
CAN CASH IN ON THE WARRANTY!"

"Mmm... this burger is so tasty. It just makes me
forget about everything else..."

"What is this? It's eight o'clock in the morning and
the traffic is this bad!? I better start honking my horn."

"Wow, the exits actually are numbered in order! I
better hurry and jump through these four lanes to make it."

"..." (translation: NULL_THOUGHT)

Okay, I’m sure everyone has now seen the first presidential
debate. It was rather hard to miss. I think every cable channel was airing it
live, including Nickelodeon and CMT. It was rather entertaining, actually. If
you missed it, I’m sure you can find it somewhere amongst the series of tubes.
I thought I would go ahead and present my thoughts on the debacle. I’m not
going to cover everything that was said (I’m far to
apathetic for that), but I’ll talk about some things I’ve noticed. For those of
you looking for humor, I went ahead and made the sillier stuff blue. If it’s
black, then it’s serious thought. I don’t blame you if you skip over it. I
tried to present it in a non-partisan way, but forgive me if it appears to be
unbalanced.

Economy

• Did anyone else notice how Obama seemed to
  sidestep most of the early questions? I’m sure it’s just political maneuvering,
  since he didn’t want to admit which programs he would put on the backburner
  (coughcoughuniversalhealthcarecoughcough).
• McCain is doing a near-complete spending freeze? I
  wish he could’ve elaborated more. That would send a lot of legitimate
  organizations in a panic as their cash pump is blocked. I understand his
  thinking, but I don’t see why he has to stop spending. I also don’t see why
  defence and veterans affairs avoided the “ax”. I mean, I fully support funding
  for both, but why spare only them? (okay, defence I understand, but not VA
  stuff)
• McCain would veto every
  bill with earmarks? I think he would have a lot of pens die on him (which would
  add to government spending). I don’t know if there are any bills
  that go through that do not have earmarks. I could be wrong, but that’s my
  impression.
• Obama referred to the economic mess as the largest
  since the Great Depression. While this may be true according to the numbers,
  this is just razzmatazz. This mess doesn’t even
  compare to the Great Depression. At least, not yet. Wait until I lose my job
  and require a soup kitchen membership, then we can renegotiate.
• I’m glad they both seem willing to support the
  bailout.

Foreign Relations

• McCain made a claim that Iran is
  supplying IEDs to the insurgents. Does he have any actual proof, or is this one
  of those WMD proofs? We think it’s there; therefore, it is there.
• I’m tired of Obama constantly saying we
  shouldn’t’ve been in Iraq
  in the first place. While I agree wholeheartedly, it really makes no difference
  at this point in time.
• Are there even any victory conditions for Iraq? McCain
  keeps saying that leaving the country would be akin to admitting defeat. What’s
  wrong with pulling troops out? If conditions on the ground worsen during a
  pull-out, we could always send more back.
• Why is McCain so against diplomatic talks? I like
  a good sit down much better than just sitting there and waiting for something
  to happen. The whole “I’m not talking to you anymore”
  offense never worked as a kid, and it doesn’t work in foreign relations
  either.
• Obama would invade Pakistan if they found al-Qaeda
  there? I hope he doesn’t mean we’re going to tear apart another country.
  Couldn’t we just negotiate some way to allow troops in?

Miscellaneous

• Both Obama and McCain
  blinked far too much. I almost had a seizure. Isn’t overly frequent blinking a
  sign that somebody’s lying? Good thing they didn’t have lie detectors hooked
  up. They (the detectors) would probably start crying.
• Both sides stated that we are now safer from
  terrorists than we were before. Are we really? It
  seems to me that all we’ve done is put up an ADT Security sign on the country’s
  lawn. Sure, it makes the terrorists think twice, but anyone really skilled (or
  just tenacious) can get around it. We can never stop terrorism,
  and we just have to wait until the next one to say we are not truly
  ready.
• Why did the candidates
  have to thank people before they began speaking? Get to the point! Don’t thank
  the moderator. He’s being paid to be there! I don’t thank the cashier for
  ringing up my groceries.
• Continuing from above,
  they may as well just dispense with their pleasantries at the very beginning.
  The moderator asks both in turn for two minute answers on “how are you
  tonight?” I’m sure, however, that even this question would be fiercely divided
  along party lines.
• Why are all the talking heads commenting about how
  many times Obama said he agreed with some of McCain’s views? Isn’t a little
  bipartisanship a good thing? I’m more pissed at McCain for not doing the
  same.
• … and, of course, McCain
  reminds everyone that he was a POW at the very
  end.

 

Pic unrelated, but funny.

Yesterday, I started thinking about the old Pixar movie Toy Story for some reason (no, not like that). It was a long time since I last saw the movie, and my memories are a little hazy, but most of the highlights I remember. In hindsight, I realize that Sid, the maniacally-painted neighbor, received the short end of the stick. I mean, here we have a very creative kid who pushes the boundaries of the conventional and dares to see outside of the box, and the writers of this film portray him as a demented masochist. Andy, the primary human protagonist, by comparison, is a loser who simply keeps things the way they are. He is a sheep, and peer pressure is his shepherd. He sees that everyone else has a new action figure, and he needs it so he could be just like everyone else. Is that truly a role-model parents want for their children? I would much prefer my children emulate Sid. He doesn't follow the bandwagon by buying toys everyone else is buying; he creates his own from discarded scraps. It's that kind of motivation that will take him places. While Andy will likely be doomed to a cubicle crop life, Sid will take his creativity to "infinity and beyond," if you will. Plus, his braces will give him some perfect teeth. He's definitely politician material.

I don't know whether this is a joke or not, but I noticed this over at CNN. I watched it at work, so I couldn't get the sound, but the gist seems to be that a silhouette of Jesus appeared in the ceiling of a rinky-dink gym. Maybe I just haven't read my Bible enough times, but I don't really see Jesus. All I see is a stain where the AC started dripping. What do you all think?

This was grouped with a bunch of other videos that were silly, so this could very well be tongue-in-cheek reporting. I wish I could get some sound. I'll probably watch it again when I get home (with some popcorn). If it is truly Jesus manifesting himself (or is it Himself? Stupid trinity), I wonder what his goal is. He probably wasn't ogling; they aren't a very good-looking bunch. He probably wasn't trying to spread his message; he could probably do something with a little more pizzazz than appear as a ceiling stain. Maybe he just wanted to play a practical joke on some of his constituents.

I think I'm going to found a new religion. I got the idea for it when I saw the ending of Amadeus, when Salieri declared himself the "patron saint of mediocrity." My first thought was "wow, can a person really declare himself a saint?" That would be a handy career path right there. Anyway, a little later I realized that there really isn't a religion that celebrates mediocrity. Most religions laude being the best a person can be. Well, what if the best you can be simply isn't good enough? That is exactly why some, me included, settle for mediocrity. All of this fame and fortune stuff takes too much work. What's wrong with celebrating a relaxed, perfectly livable life?

Anyway, regarding the new religion now. Like I said, it will be a celebration of mediocrity. There will be no god, per se, but we will have our patron saint in Antonio Salieri. We sing his praises because he absolved us all for mediocrity as he was taken away to receive his sponge bath. It was a beautiful moment. He had a challenging life always living in another's shadow. He simply could not overtake the vile antagonist, Mozart, even when he gave everything that he had. In the end, he settled for mediocrity. I cannot think of a better role model. He even managed to kill off his worst enemy without once laying a finger on him. I believe this is as close to a miracle as a mediocrity-based religion can reach. The holy medium for Mediocrism will be, of course, the movie Amadeus. Sure, it's not the actual history of events, but it bases enough of itself on history that the fictional wanderings can be overlooked and taken as acceptable beliefs. I'm still working out more of the kinks, but I can guarantee this religion will have a large and well-paid clergy. I will be the head of this clergy, but that's only because I'm running low on money. I'm far too lazy to run a religion otherwise.

Today is September 11th, or Patriot Day, as some may call it. It is always important to remember what this day is all about. We must never forget that on this day... a wave of Japanese fighter planes ambushed our naval yard at Pearl Harbor, Hawaii. It is a day that will live in infamy, dammit!

I must say that this is a rather exciting presidential race. There are a few reasons for this. First and foremost is that this will be the first election that I'm old enough to vote in. I want to follow this one closely, just before I lose interest in the whole process and never vote again (it's good to have a plan in life). Further excitement stems from all the promises that the candidates are throwing to the starving masses. Free healthcare! More tax-cuts! Free Mallomars! The policies themselves are not what're exciting, rather it's the future of the policies once the new guy (that's right: Y chromosome is necessary) is sworn in. By the time of the inauguration, I'll bet the country would've reached its credit limit and simply would not have the money to implement all of these lovely policies (edit: I just remembered that the presidential incumbent is trying to extend the credit limit, but I still stand by what I said). This means that citizens will not only determine that politicians are reneging liars (again), but they will quite likely get their taxes raised (again). I am speaking for both parties, by the way. It doesn't really matter who you vote for. They are both going to have their hands tied by the budget. Also, with congress split between two parties, it's going to be even more difficult to pass any new policies that could be squeezed into the budget. The only real difference is in the Iraq War. The options are to either spend a lot of money to keep troops there, or spend lots of money to pull troops out. It should be interesting to see them try and worm they way out of it. I predict at least one assassination, regardless of who gets elected. I don't think there's anything that could make this election more exciting (not even Doom music).

Currently addicted to Spore. Please check back later.

Oh, and the Amazon.com reviews are rather entertaining.

(Note: while the DRM is unfortunate, and I don't like the concept at all, I have been waiting two years for this game and plan to enjoy every minute of it)