After all of these years of IT training, I think I can say with some authority that I have created the most secure computer in the world. Oh yes, this thing is safe from any hackers, crackers, data-miners, disgruntled employees, ex-lovers, and whatever other malicious beings that are foolish enough to attack it. It was a little expensive making it this secure, but I think it was totally worth it. You see, first I loaded it with all of the best firewall and antivirus software available. I put in a top of the line cooling system to avoid any overheating risks. I have it ask for a password every few minutes. I have it validate its OS every few seconds. To keep it safe from anyone trying to break in from outside, I also disconnected it from all networks and, just to be safe, disconnected it from the wall socket. This, additionally, protects it from any power surges that could damage its valuable data in a lightning storm. It was also critical that I encase it in a lead box to ensure that it isn't damaged by any wild radiation bursts. I then tucked it away in one of those fire-proof safes, which is locked in a large, biometric-coded vault. This vault is located underground at a secret point in the Arizona desert. The entrance to the vault is surrounded by two barb-wire fences, and subsequently by a formidable mine field. There are also several trap doors that drop any attackers into a large snake pit (disclaimer: all snakes are treated humanely). I also have a strictly enforced "no food, no drink" policy within a two mile radius. The punishment for breaking the ban is, of course, death. I believe with all of these security measures in place, the data will be very secure. I hope to start a business with this technique. Can you really put a price on your data security?

Ladies and gentlemen... the president of the United States.
ALL HAIL JIMBO!

Thank you. Thank you. Please, thank you. Please take your seats. Thank you. Citizens, we are living in troubled times. Energy costs are skyrocketing to new heights. Unemployment numbers are drastically rising. Obesity percentages are reaching epidemic levels. Everything seems to be going wrong. At least, that's what my opponents wish for you to believe. I wish to remind every single one of you that this is America! We are the greatest country on the planet, and we will not just sit around and let these problems escalate... please, please, take your seats. Thank you for your applause. Thank you. We are not just going to sit around. It is for this reason that I wish to announce a new plan that will address all of these problems. I call it... the People Power Plan! Thank you, you're too kind. Please, thank you. Everyone, thank you. Yes, this plan will knock out three of this great nation's biggest issues: energy, unemployment, and obesity. The plan is simple. All we do is harness the power of our great nation's citizens. We will offer substantial grants to companies to build power plants that harness the citizenship's ability to manufacture electricity by turning the mightiest turbines the world will ever know. By using people for our energy needs, we will break our debilitating dependence on foreign fuels. People are also one of the nation's cleanest resources, thus dramatically reducing our country's carbon emissions. These "people power plants" would hire people from all walks of life. It wouldn't matter if you are a disabled vet, paraplegic, Alzheimer's sufferer, or homosexual. So long as you can turn a wheel, you can get a job. This plan will thus nearly eliminate employment in our great country. Lastly, by turning these wheels, employees will burn huge numbers of calories and gain more muscles than they would have thought possible. This will significantly reduce our obesity rates, and help us compete even better on the world stage. This plan may take some time to implement, but I have faith in our country. I believe we are and will forever remain... the greatest country on Earth!

Obviously doctored photo. You don't wear woodland camo in the desert.

Y'know what? I don't think I believe in Darfur. People all over keep telling us that we need to "save Darfur" and "send aid to Darfur." I ask you: have you ever seen Darfur? Have you ever been to Darfur? How can you be so sure Darfur exists? Oh sure, there are maps of Africa that show Darfur.Well, I've also seen maps that show the Mediterranean as a tiny puddle or places where sea monsters attack ships. I also have yet to see a map that does not have long lines that perfectly partition the earth. Have you ever seen such lines in any of your travels? Neither have I, so I don't take much stock in maps. What about all of those books about Darfur? Well, I don't trust books too much either. Have you ever read one of those books they sell in the grocery store? There is no way a quiet, homely woman would make a handsome, perfect man fall into a steamy and lascivious relationship with her in a matter of twenty-four hours. Books are clearly designed for gross exagerration or outright lies. Oh, and don't get me started on so-called "eyewitnesses". I have been in this world long enough to know that every single person is a lying scumbag. I wouldn't trust someone to borrow a cheap pen, let alone believe him about some region in Africa. I think this whole "Darfur" thing is just another Africa-born money-stealing scheme similar to those 419 frauds. Those bloodsuckers aren't getting a cent from me, regardless of how many of those obviously doctored images of genocide they send out.

A little background: when I'm driving home after class, I drive past a Chuck E Cheese. I've never been to this one, but it looks rather nondescript. For those who were neglected as children, let me explain that a Chuck E Cheese is basically a poor man's (or middle class man's, for that matter) amusement park for children where they are fed pizza and allowed to play games for prizes they could've easily purchased from a gachapon. It also features a large, plastic playground structure with a prominent ball pen. I don't know about the rest of the kids in there, but I always remember coming out with a huge static charge. Fortunately, nothing in this institution contains any metal, except maybe the lead in the prizes.

Anyway, the point is that this is generally a decent place to take your kids. That's what I thought until I drove by yesterday and saw two police squad cars parked outside with their lights spinning. There was no paramedic or fire truck, only the police. I can only imagine what happened in there. Did the animatronic puppets go on a rampage? Did somebody break in and steal all the silly straws? Did one of those "peppy" employees finally break down and use the self-defence baseball bat for deconstructive purposes? The presence of police was unusual, but the ultimate situational awkwardness came from the regular civilians. They willingly walked around the police cars, which, I remind you, were parked in front of the Chuck E Cheese and had their lights on, and went into the building with their children. Now, I may not have any children of my own, but even I wouldn't take them to a place with cops parked out front. "Sorry bucko, we're not goin' to Chuck E Cheese today. How about we go to, um… the grocery store! That should be fun, right?" They joy may have left their eyes, but I like to think that I saved them from some immense emotional trauma. I wouldn't want my kid seeing some streaker wearing nothing but one of those oversized character heads.

It seems like all of the cool blogs are making little disclaimer posts for readers to go to first, so I thought I would do the same thing.

First and foremost, this site is solely meant for entertainment. I want to make you laugh. Granted, I'm sure it takes a very specific kind of humor to get anything out of my posts, but I can only try. I will almost never try to initiate any serious discussion. Other sites do serious discussion far better, and anything of the sort would seem out of place here. Mind you, I don't discourage it; I just can't see it arising from any of the rubbish I type.

Yuki Nagato - Unofficial mascot of Jimbo's Ramblings

Concerning comments

I don't have any particular rules regarding leaving comments. All I can do is request that you keep it civil. I'm trying to maintain a blog, not a 4chan thread. I don't often reply to comments, so when I do it's something special.

Concerning recommendations

I don't like it when bloggers ask to have their posts recommended on Xanga; therefore, I will never ask it of any of you. If you like a post and want to recommend it, please, by all means. Just don't do it because I asked you to.

Concerning content

In my efforts to be entertaining, I'm sure I will frequently be unintentionally offensive. I'm not trying to be racist, sexist, or anything of the sort. Stereotypes are just funny sometimes. Also, typing "black" is simply easier and faster than "African-American". I will confess to being somewhat anti-religion and anti-vegetarian. I try not to let it show too much, but sometimes it slips out. No, I don't plan on explaining myself.

Concerning Jimbo

No, Jimbo is not my real name, nor is it a nickname I use in real life. It is a nickname reserved exclusively for Internet use. If you find a Jimbo1023 on any other websites, there's probably a 95% chance it's me. Be sure to say "hi!"

Concerning pipe-weed

There is another astonishing thing about Hobbits of old that must be - oops, never mind. That just kinda slipped out. (See? This is the kind of humor you have to deal with.)