November 21, 2008

• Happy Belated World Philosophy Day

  According to my sources, yesterday was supposedly World Philosophy Day (or is it!?). I’ll admit, I’m not much of a philosophical thinker. I’m more of a how-can-I-change-this-idea-into-a-fart-joke thinker. That’s not to say I don’t think deep thoughts, mind. A recent article on the BBC posed “four philosophical questions to make your brain hurt”. Being the masochist that I am, I couldn’t resist the temptation to give myself a huge headache. Here are some of my thoughts on these deeply philosophical doohickeys.

  1. SHOULD WE KILL HEALTHY PEOPLE FOR THEIR ORGANS?
  The basic premise of this question is whether it is right to kill one lonely guy and use his organs to help five others, and how this scenario is any different from a hostage situation where the death of one saves everyone else. In response to this first scenario, my answer is no. We should let those five suckers die. Why would we kill one guy for his organs when we can more easily let five schmucks die for five nearly complete sets of organs? Hey, they’re going to die anyway, so why take out the healthy guy. I know what you’re thinking now. “But if we are only going to let unhealthy people die, why collect the organs in the first place?” Duh, because they’re delicious. Try to stick with me here people.

  2. ARE YOU THE SAME PERSON WHO STARTED READING THIS ARTICLE?
  It seems the thought behind this question is an attempt to muddle the idea of being. This idea sort of reminds me of the movie The Fly in which Jeff Goldblum continues to be awesome even as his humanity is slowly disappearing in favor of an insect. Your being is all linked into one body, so if your mind is moved into another, your previous self is null and void. You become someone different. If, however, a copy of your mind is pasted into a clone of yourself, then you have just become capable of being in two places at the same time. The only logical next step would be to immediately make out with yourself (because I know that is what everybody wants to do).

  3. IS THAT REALLY A COMPUTER SCREEN IN FRONT OF YOU?
  I mean, is it really? No, really, can you tell me? I’ve forgotten. You see, there could potentially be a computer screen in front of me, but at the same time I could’ve been sedated, placed into a very expensive VR machine, and led to believe that it is a computer screen through sensory manipulation. For all I know, it could very well be an edible wafer that is shaped like a computer screen with an image of what I am typing projected on to it from an invisible source a few micrometers in front of it. I would attempt to test this hypothesis, but the idea of having spent several hundred dollars on a wafer would seriously depress me. I prefer my blissful ignorance, thank you very much. (edit: it was the most expensive wafer ever, but darn was it tasty)

  4. DID YOU REALLY CHOOSE TO READ THIS ARTICLE?
  No, I did not. The BBC is quite powerful enough to control my mind. Considering how many documentaries they air, I wouldn’t be surprised if they’ve already mapped how every single particle interacts with every other and determined exactly how to manipulate them. You see, they are forcing me to type this, knowing that you all will read it (all three of you). They also know that if any of you try to raise a stink about it, they can readily have you killed by turning your lungs into a low viscosity liquid. John Bull is watching you.

  • 6:55 am
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