November 25, 2008

• A New Battle Looms?

  Government Wants Your Family’s Money

  By Jimbo
  Jimbo News Network

  The country is in shock today as the government announces a new effort in decreasing the national deficit. For the first time in history, all money earned through Christmas and birthday cards will be subject to a tax rate of five-percent. The official press release pointed out the promise to never raise taxes, but also points out the absence of a promise to never create new ones. “We believe that the people of this country will be fine with it,” said a government spokesman. “We consider this a certain form of income and should be subject to similar income taxes.” All income collected from these holiday cards will need to be listed when all remaining taxes are filed.

  Already livid crowds, thirsty for more to protest about, have taken to the streets against this new levy. “This is utterly ridiculous,” says a New Jersey resident. “How can they take money away from my eight-year-old grandson? He’s not even old enough to hold a job, and he’s being taxed!?” Many Christian groups are voicing their opinions as well, stating that taxing Christmas money is a violation of the church-state separation. They think that America, being the Christian nation that they believe it is, should not tax Christmas money, but is willing to consider taxes on other holidays.

  Groups of government apologists are defending the move. “The question is where do we draw the line,” a DC resident explains. “These protestors are drawing an arbitrary line in the sand. They’re fine with taxing their work income, but all of a sudden they protest taxing gift income? They have to learn where not to draw the line.” Already, government officials are considering new taxes for childhood lemonade stands and money found on the sidewalk. The DOW drops over 500 points on the news, which should come as a surprise to no one.

  • 5:53 am
  • 3 Comments