January 17, 2009

• Coma usage - consider revising

  I wonder what it would be like to wake up from a coma after several years. Do you wake up hungry? Do you wake up feeling well rested and refreshed? If you fell into a coma drunk, do you have a hangover when you wake up? It's a fascinating topic. I don't have any medical expertise, so all of my thoughts are purely conjectural and I have no intention of doing research (I'm a busy man; my apathy isn't going to placate itself). The worst part is probably all of the time that was lost (all of the video games not played). Hospitals should have rehabilitation centers for such things. Not just for the physical problems, but for the chronological problems. How would you explain an mp3-player to someone who was in a coma for fifteen years? How do you explain the Bush presidency? How do you explain "reality television" (I've lived for its existence and I still haven't come up with an answer)?

  On second thought, a person coming out of a coma would be a great practical joke victim. Oh, think of all the mental abuse. Upon waking, you can tell him that the Rapture occurred, and his vegetative state meant he didn't pray enough to go to Christ's side. It might not work as well on an atheist, but imagine the look on a Christian's face. Priceless! Ooh, or maybe they could have all the nurses and doctors dress as mimes. I know I would voluntarily go back into a coma with that bleak a promise of the present. I wonder if the doctor's could get the little girl from The Ring to scare the piss out of the awakened. Wait, that may not work. They might not get the reference. Freddy Kruger would be better... or maybe just a doctor with a meat cleaver, a bunch of blood on his coat, and a creepy grin.

  

  "Sleeping is no mean art: for its sake one must stay awake all day." – Friedrich Nietzsche
  
  I've been thinking of adding quotes to each of my posts. I'll see where it goes.

  • 6:25 am
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