April 10, 2009
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100% Beef
“We use 100% beef in every burger, and there’s no percent better than that.”
This is the message lovingly emblazoned upon the drinking cup that I received with my lunch at McDonalds. Now, I like to think that I have a high intelligence readership (ha ha), so I want to ask how many of you read too much from this message? I know I did. Here are some of the thoughts that came up just from this short sentence.
- Who says that there is no percent better than one-hundred? I agree that there is no percent higher, but that does not necessarily equate to better. What if the person was a vegetarian? He or she (okay, probably she), would want significantly less than 100%. Suppose the person was watching their weight. He or she would want less beef. Maybe not zero beef, but closer to 25-50% beef. Fill out the rest with something a bit less calorie dense, like fiberboard.
- Is it really 100%? It’s my experience that hardly anything is 100%. It may come really close to 100%, such as 98.9 or 99.5%, but it probably isn’t 100%. There’s always that minute percentage of dead cockroaches and irate employee saliva.
- Are they implying that other burger joints use anything less than 100% beef? I think they want us to believe that other places use 100% miscellaneous meat. Probably something along the lines of pigeon meat or circumcision detritus. (Mmm… circumcision detritus…)
- Oh my goodness, does this mean that burgers in the past used less than 100% beef? Could the Big Mac I had two weeks ago been a 50-50 split of beef and sidewalk salt?
- I sure hope they don’t consider the chicken sandwich a “burger”. I don’t really want 100% beef in that one.
- I really need to get to the grocery store and eat some real food.
"If my competitor was drowning, I'd stick a hose in his mouth and turn the water on." - Ray Kroc
