This post is going to be my take on a ScrewAttack video with the same title. I had some disagreements, but the rules are going to be the same. To make it on this list, the game just has to feature Mario as a playable character.

1. Super Mario Bros. 3 (NES)
   This game is boss. With a huge number of levels, hours of gameplay, tons of secrets, this game is an epitome of greatness. Hell, it's right there on my top-ten list of greatest games ever. If you haven't played this game, you did not have a childhood. If it came out while you were an adult (old fart!), then you still have not had a childhood. Go and buy it. It's been remade a few thousand times, so it shouldn't be difficult to find.
2. Paper Mario (N64)
   Normally, I'm an RPG-hater. They are boring, long-winded, and have characters about as likable as a can of flat soda. Paper Mario, on the other hand, completely destroys this presupposition by making a fun and engrossing RPG. I've played all the Paper Mario games, and the first one is still my absolute favorite. I might just write a full-length review to it someday.
3. Super Mario 64 (N64)
   This was my very first 3D game, so I suppose nostalgic bias may play a role in this decision. You cannot deny, however, the pure fun this game offers. A huge variety of worlds, amazing controls, and a just right difficulty curve makes for a great game. I know they remade this game for the DS, but I honestly still enjoy the N64 version better. On top of all of that, the game camera is an actual character! More games need to do that.
4. Super Smash Bros. Brawl (Wii)
   I almost didn't include this game because I hardly play Mario in it. In hindsight, though, I realize that wasn't part of the criteria, so I added it since it's such a great game. With a huge roster, more levels, and a gargantuan number of collectibles, this game remains fun for the long run.
5. Mario Kart: Double Dash (GCN)
   Double Dash is, in my mind, the best Mario Kart to date. The game mechanics are pretty much unchanged from any of the others in the series, but the addition of dual character gameplay makes the game more fun and, to a degree, customizable. Granted, I hardly play as Mario (I'm a Paratroopa/Bowser Jr. kinda guy), but that still doesn't exclude it from the list.
6. Yoshi's Cookie (NES)
   Dr. Mario has nothing on the chef. I don't know what is so exciting about lining up rows of cookies, but I could lose myself for hours in such simple elegance.
7. Super Mario Bros. 2 (US) (NES)
   I do not know why this game continues to get overlooked. Sure, it's a rip off of Doki Doki Panic!, but why should I care. This game practically ushered in Peach's move set in all following games, introduced the Shy Guy (still my favorite enemy in the series), and was just pure fun.
8. New Super Mario Bros. (DS)
   Finally, the guys at Nintendo understood what was fun about Mario games and returned to its roots. Sure, it was a bit shorter than most Mario games of this type, but that should hardly be a fault. It's a portable system, so the length is just right for something like a plane ride. It's still one of my favorite games on the DS.
9. Super Mario World (SNES)
   Why is this game relatively low on the list? It was fun, long, and had tons of secrets that can only be rivaled by Mario 3? The reason is simply because of the introduction of Yoshi. Sure, he didn't speak much in this particular game, but the shear fact that it gave birth to this irritating monstrosity is reason enough to dock some points from it.
10. Mario Tennis (N64)
    This is the game that got me into tennis (an interest that I have hardly acted upon, mind). It was simple, intuitive, and featured Peach in a miniskirt had lots of characters and styles to choose from. This is probably the only Mario sports game that I enjoyed. I played Mario Power Tennis on the Gamecube as well, but it just didn't seem as much fun as the N64 version. It was trying to do to much and this actually interfered with the fun.

It seems that the Darwinists have been trying to subvert our children behind our backs. Their tool of choice this time has been the Pokémon game series. These games have all sorts of pro-Darwin themes, including progressive evolution and materialism ("gotta catch 'em all"?). One frequently cited example is the Dratini evolution chain. The specie began as a small, roundworm like creature with a pair of pectoral fins near the head and a permanent egg tooth. Over time, the fins moved further back and eventually became wings, the egg tooth becomes a horn and eventually split into a pair of antennae, and it develops a set of arms and legs. Evolutionists frequently point to this as proof of evolution in the Pokémon universe.

However, further digging into this world shows serious flaws in the argument for evolution. The Jimbo Institute of Creation (the world forerunner in providing evidence that Jimbo is the designer and creator of all things) has found scores of examples of irreducible complexity in the Pokémon universe. The most damning of all is the "evolution" of the egg swarm species Exeggcute. They live life in groups of six (more or less), yet Darwinists claim that they evolve into another species known as Exeggutor. What began as a disjointed group of egg-like creatures suddenly sprouts a torso, legs, and photosynthesizing cranial leaves without any intermediate beings. This is simply impossible by any natural means and proof that an intelligent designer (evidence points to Jimbo) guided this creature into existence.

The sciences in this world are guilty of some grave affronts to nature. They have created several unnatural creatures, such as the worthless computer-generated Porygon and the destructive bioengineered Mewtwo. It has created technical machines that can forcefully teach Pokémon behaviors that they do not learn naturally. While not completely shut down, these sciences need to be tethered by morals and ethics before any more damage can occur.

"I'm having a major hat crisis. Could you try to steal Pikachu some other time?" - Ash

For those readers who are not stalking me day and night, let me announce that I have a new job. It's with the government, and I unfortunately cannot tell you much more about it. Not because of government secrets or anything, but just because I have no idea what my job, in any sense, actually is. As of this writing, I have "worked" there two full days. I have not yet done a bit of work. In fact, I have not yet even been informed of what work I'll be doing. I haven't even been told how much I'll be getting paid. What I have been doing a lot of is reading back issues of Computerworld that a retired employee left at his desk. Other things that I can add to my current list of accomplishments is learn how the organization is organized, met several important people whose names are forgotten within minutes of meeting, and ingest a dangerously high number of complementary bagels and cream cheese. I also heard, for the first time in my professional career, the word "synergy" used. I always assumed this grotesque mutation of the human language was a business in-joke. It made for funny material, but was not actually used. I was wrong. One of the first papers I was given had emblazoned within one of the paragraphs. I'm trying to hope that I do not get relegated to the stratum of gofer, but the life of a pessimist is never easy. I'll keep you all posted. (Get it? Keeping you "posted" through blog posts? Fu fu fu~)

"Promote synergy (like a boss!)" - Like A Boss - The Lonely Island (ft. Seth Rogen)

There won't be a post today. I'm going to try to make it up to Arlington National Cemetery this morning. I say "try" because I will more likely spend all day stuck in traffic and/or looking for parking. Hope you all have a great Memorial Day.

Edit: Just got back. It was great. I even got the chance to see this, and more, live:

Before I begin another movie review, I would like to present a question to parents. You see, I went to the theatre at about 11 o'clock in the morning for the sole purpose of avoiding children, who would be theoretically in school on a Friday at this time. I would like to ask all you parents out there why the hell there were school age children in this theatre at 11 o'clock on a Friday? Noisy school age children? Did you really think a Ben Stiller movie involving break-dancing Einsteins and a trash-talking moai was more important than getting a decent education? Christ, at least put a muzzle on the little spawn. Anyway, what was I writing about?...

Right, the sequel to the somewhat entertaining action-comedy Night at the Museum... Night at the Museum 2: Battle of the Smithsonian EXTREME: Turbo Edition, heretofore abbreviated to Battle of the Smithsonian or "this movie". In all due honesty, and I want to be fair here, this movie was boring. It fell into the same holes that the prequel fell into, but foolishly had large servings of baked beans beforehand. I presume they were off to reenact the fart scene from Blazing Saddles (a much better film), but instead decided to poorly pander to its fanbase: children and history geeks (I'm not quite sure which clique I fall into just yet). Mind, pandering to a fanbase isn't a bad thing. I've watched lots of anime do it, and do it well. This movie failed to pander by turning all of the historical characters into unlikable pricks that make me just want to punch children in the face (beginning with the noisy one that sat behind me).

When I saw the first movie, one of my hopes was that any sequels would spend more time fleshing out the characters. I liked them; they were fun. Compared to this movie, however, the first had characterization on par with a Martin Scorsese film. I believe they should make a new film genre with this movie as its base: a cameo flick. Basically, it's any film that hinges on maybe two characters while the rest of the film involves trying to squeeze in as many cameo appearances as possible. Some of these cameos were welcome and piqued the geek segments of my brain: Oscar the Grouch, Al Capone, La Petite Danseuse de Quatorze Ans, the Tuskegee Airmen, and even Darth [freakin'] Vader. There were also some less than desired cameos, such as the Jonas Brothers appearing as a trio of flying, "singing" cherubim. While most cameos were nice, they came and went so fast that they barely had time to consistently elicit excitement.

The first movie begged the question: Wouldn't somebody else have noticed these going-ons? Most of the time, I could pass it off with a "they go back to their original positions by sunrise" or "it's gods-damn kids' movie", but that wouldn't work with this film. The exhibits did not return to their original positions, they spent a lot of time prancing about outside on the National Mall, and they smashed a huge friggin' hole in the side of a building. The ending left all of these problems unsolved.

Oh, and I shall not speak of the ending. It left such a bad taste in my mouth that I cannot bear brining it back into mind.

The movie did a few things right, though. The fight scene with the miniature Jedidiah and Octavius charging in slow-motion, 300-style, into a group of enemies with metal music blasting in the background was glorious. Characterizing The Thinker as a muscle pumping jock was also a work of comedic genius. Also, any movie that has Darth Vader in it automatically gets boosted a few points (The Proposal, take note).

I hesitate to recommend this movie. On my somewhat arbitrary numbering scale, it rates around 5.83022 / 10.23. The only reason I would recommend it is to get kids exciting in going to the museum. It's a cheesy reason, I know, but I like museums, and I want more people to like them too.

Oh, it's so sad to see little ones grow up. As some of you may know, my station wagon, The White Lightning, reached the tender age of 16 a few months ago. Now that it was old enough to take care of itself, I felt it was time to let it go and accomplish its dreams. That is why, yesterday, it went off to assist in finding a cure for autism. In a final act of teenage individualism, it threw off all of its possessions - mats, pens, coins, CDs, and all matters of detritus - and disappeared into the sunset. Well, okay, it was picked up mid-afternoon, but a sunset makes for a better image.

Fortunately, the Jimbo family has a new arrival in the form of a steadfast, sporty 4-door, dubbed The Corporate Cruiser. It doesn't have quite as much spunk as the White Lightning (for one: its AC works), but... well, that may be for the better. I especially love the spoiler and body kit, which just ooze manliness. It's also a stick shift. I don't think I could drive an automatic, as there would likely be a foot-shaped hole in the floor next to the brake where my foot continually slammed down to press an invisible clutch. Hey, if it lets me feel like Frank Martin while sitting in DC traffic, all the better. Now, if any of my attractive female readers would like to come to visit and pose scantily clad with my car, I can take some more photos.

Rejoice readers! The second coming is upon us. Our great lord and savior, Haruhi Suzumiya, has returned for a second time to grace us with Her presence. Let May 21st be forever etched into the memories of all believers. The second season of The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya has begun, and all is well. Praise be to Haruhi.

With the return of Haruhi comes the return of Her apostle and my patron saint, Yuki Nagato. With my muse, my dry spell shall be relieved and my writing shall resume in earnest. This past week has been troubling, and I haven't had much time to write, but I have faith that the glory of Her presence will make all things right.

(Postscript: This was what yesterday's post was about. Inside joke.)

5-8. Write poems or stories inspired by the following photographs ( photo credits to John G.)
         
(I'm just going to write a single story for all four, m'kay?)

Welcome friends, I'm glad you could come to my open house. I've been trying to sell this ol' place for a while yet, but I're pretty sure it still has plenty of life yet. Do come in. Do come in. I suppose you can tell that this is the kitchen. I didn't have a chance to clean up before you came, mercy me. Anyway, you can see that most of the appliances in here are quite... modern and new. Would you like some pineapple? Here let me open up a can. Oooh, please don't mind those roaches, deary. I plan to have an exterminator in tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow. Now where's that can op- whoops! Well, they must not have made that can very well. It spilled all over the floor. No matter, Mr. Mittens will clean it up. Lets move on into the foyer, shall we?

Well now, these are the stairs up to the attic. Ever since that tree fell, leaves have always been rolling in. Not to worry though, I have a roofer coming in tomorrow to replace the hole up there. It's nothing to worry about. What's so much more important is the structural integrity. Just look at these hardwood floors. They knew how to build things in those days. Just listen to how sound this is. Whoops, my foot went through. Well, no matter, I have a contractor coming in tomorrow to rid the termites and things. I'll have him patch that right up.

Before we walk into the living room - mind the raccoon - I want you to just look up at this door frame. My late husband carved this flower into it about a month before he passed. Sometimes at night I still hear him talking to me. I told him that I smelled a gas leak, but I guess he reached that age where his smell was going. He lit up his pipe, and the second bedroom just disappeared. Oh, don't worry dear, there's somebody coming tomorrow to fix it right up.

We're coming up to the living room now. I just put some drapes up. Doesn't the green tie the room together? You can keep them if you decide to buy. Oh, and it's best to leave that door open. Carbon monoxide tends to build up if there isn't a constant breeze. I'm having an inspector in tomorrow for that, so don't worry too much about it. It also helps to chase the animals out. I don't know how they keep getting in here, but when I chase them out, it's easier when a door is already open for them to leave through. Now, the bedrooms are... where are you going? Oh, you're going to give it some thought? Thank you, my dears. I hope you all have a blessed day.

Previous Scavenger Hunt Entries: Part 1 - Part 2

3. Use puberty as a major theme- mode of creation open

Dad, can I talk to you for a second?
Sure son, what is it?
Well, um... I was watching the new Hannah Montana movie with my sister when suddenly my... willy... started getting really big and hard. What's going on?
Okay, son... y'see... this is God's way of punishing you.
What? Why would He punish me?
After boys reach a certain age, they start to sin more often. They start to look at women with dirty eyes. In an effort to help and deter you from further sin, God makes your penis get large.
But I don't understand.
Well, it was really inconvenient, wasn't it? It felt uncomfortable in your pants (and you should keep it in there), it makes it hard to pee, and your friends will laugh at you if it happens again in public.
Oh, that makes sense. Thanks dad, I'm glad I'm homeschooled.

4. Write a story or a poem incorporating this sentence: She wore her green dress, the one the color of spring onions.

This is how it happened. I was at the biker bar off of 66 with some of my mates, just shooting some pool, drinking. That's when she came in. And she looked beautiful. She had long, unkempt hair. She wore her green dress, the one the color of spring onions. She was obviously some hippie, but she had the angry face of a real rebel.

That's when things got hairy. Her face contorted with rage and she screamed something like, "leather is murder!" She pulled a pistol from her thigh harness and just started blasting away. She killed some guy sitting at the bar and got my buddy, Redd, in the shoulder. It was a stupid idea, considering we were all armed. We all drew our weapons and blew her away. It was self-defense, your honor.

Previous scavenger hunt entries: Part 1