June 26, 2009
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Not Michael Jackson Related
Let us turn now to South Carolina governor Mark Sanford. I really don’t want to do this since his name isn’t as interesting to pronounce (or type) as Rob Blagojevich, but his story was far too fascinating to pass up. For those of you who don’t have electricity, don’t read newspapers, don’t listen to town criers, and don’t call your mother as often as you should: Jon and Kate are getting a divorce. This news is positively shocking for an already shocked nation. Also, Governor Sanford is a liar.
Here’s what happened, by my understanding: late last week, Governor Sanford put on his crocodile teeth adorned hat and told his staff he was “going on a walk-about.” He didn’t tell his family this because it was Father’s Day weekend, and the last thing he wanted was his snot-nosed kid to bring him an overcooked breakfast in bed that would just make a mess on the sheets (I presume). When he returned, he decided to tell the world (in the form of a Visine addled press conference) that he was engaging in lascivious liaisons with a Latina lass in L…Argentina. With that revelation, we suddenly have a problem: who do we believe? We have the staff who were unwittingly lying about the governor’s hiking habits. We have a self-confessed liar claiming he was in Argentina. We have the family who simply did not know where he was. We still have Jon and Kate breaking up (oh, I’m just all a flutter). Who do we believe? I’m of the mind that, in all truthfulness, it doesn’t make a gods-damn difference. I just tell myself that he was in a quantum state of both hiking the Appalachians and snogging a fine Argentinean lady (a state I wouldn’t mind being in myself).
I’m sure the news organizations will be lapping up this publicity stunt up and covering the governor right up to when he publishes his book on his ordeals… or, at least, until Jon and Kate’s custody hearings.
