July 26, 2009
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Door-to-door
*ding dong*
Hang on, I'm coming... Can I help you?
Good evening, are you feeling satisfied with your life?
Excuse me?
Do you need a release?
Sorry, I'm not int-
Are you not happy in the bedroom?
Huh?
Let me just assume you let me in... there we are. You see, I'd like to offer you a service. I am a hooker and will sleep with you for a very reasonable price. Best in the business!
... Wha? I don't remember letting you in.
Oh, I'm sure you did. Now, I offer many competitive packages.
Packages?
Oh yes. A dusted snickerdoodle, an English roundabout, a glazed muffin... purchase any of these and receive a free aristocratic wanking.
Aristo... nevermind. Look, tempting as it may be, I'm just not in the market for sex tonight.
You drive a hard bargain, good sir. Alright, if you have sex with me tonight, I'll take twenty-percent off the regular price. At that price, I'm practically giving it away.
I suppose giving it away would be too much to ask?
Sir, I'm here on business.
Look, I told you I'm not-
Honey, I knocked over that table pulling into the garage again... who's this?
Um, er... uh...
Good evening, ma'm. I'm a prostitute trying to solicit your... husband, I presume? He was rather eager, I might add. He was on the verge of purchasing an evening of French twirls.
...
No, dear, I was trying to-
OUT!
Yes ma'm, of course. I'm very busy, so I will be on my way.
OUT! OUT NOW!
Dear, you know she was ly-
YOU TOO! OUT! OUT! Go be with your tramp if I mean so little to you!
Dear, I would nev-
OUT!
Ouch, no nails! Ow, fine, I'm leaving.
*slam*
... So, still interested in helping a local business with a purchase for the evening?
Comments (1)
Much amusing, but what the hell are you doing up at 6am on Sunday?