July 26, 2009

  • Door-to-door

    *ding dong*
    Hang on, I'm coming... Can I help you?
    Good evening, are you feeling satisfied with your life?
    Excuse me?
    Do you need a release?
    Sorry, I'm not int-
    Are you not happy in the bedroom?
    Huh?
    Let me just assume you let me in... there we are. You see, I'd like to offer you a service. I am a hooker and will sleep with you for a very reasonable price. Best in the business!
    ... Wha? I don't remember letting you in.
    Oh, I'm sure you did. Now, I offer many competitive packages.
    Packages?
    Oh yes. A dusted snickerdoodle, an English roundabout, a glazed muffin... purchase any of these and receive a free aristocratic wanking.
    Aristo... nevermind. Look, tempting as it may be, I'm just not in the market for sex tonight.
    You drive a hard bargain, good sir. Alright, if you have sex with me tonight, I'll take twenty-percent off the regular price. At that price, I'm practically giving it away.
    I suppose giving it away would be too much to ask?
    Sir, I'm here on business.
    Look, I told you I'm not-
    Honey, I knocked over that table pulling into the garage again... who's this?
    Um, er... uh...
    Good evening, ma'm. I'm a prostitute trying to solicit your... husband, I presume? He was rather eager, I might add. He was on the verge of purchasing an evening of French twirls.
    ...
    No, dear, I was trying to-
    OUT!
    Yes ma'm, of course. I'm very busy, so I will be on my way.
    OUT! OUT NOW!
    Dear, you know she was ly-
    YOU TOO! OUT! OUT! Go be with your tramp if I mean so little to you!
    Dear, I would nev-
    OUT!
    Ouch, no nails! Ow, fine, I'm leaving.
    *slam*
    ... So, still interested in helping a local business with a purchase for the evening?

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