August 23, 2009

• Ponyo, a review

  I just got back from the theatre and seeing Ponyo. After arriving and purchasing my ticket, I marched right down the hall towards the screening and continued walking until I nearly died of dehydration. Yes, it would seem they decided to put the Ponyo airing at the farthest screen from the entrance. Not only that, the room was about the size of a shoebox. It wasn't as bad as the Religulous screening, which was roughly matchbox size, but that's still rather small. It seemed all the more claustrophobic with all of the children sitting around me. Normally this is where I would complain about how noisy children are and how I should carry around a staple gun for emergency silencing measures, but once the movie started, the vile spawn actually shut their mouths. After the entire movie went by in silence, I was ready to renounce my atheism and begin praising Miyazaki as a god.

  What? The movie? Oh right, I suppose that is why you're here reading this. Well, the movie itself seemed like an adventure in cloud watching. You plop down, look up, and let everything just wash over you. Like cloud watching, it requires a full surrender of logical thought processes, but somehow you can still leave the theatre satisfied. It's a very simple movie where everything just... happens. I mean, you could probably tell the entire story in one sentence (assuming liberal use of semicolons). Somehow they manage to stretch this simple idea out for the full length of a movie and keeps everything entertaining. I reiterate: this requires some sort of divine power.

  The voice acting for the movie was fantastic, but I expected no less from a Miyazaki movie. These films are probably the only anime that I prefer in English over the original Japanese. One character that particularly blew my mind was the David-Bowie-from-Labyrinth-like character that was voiced by none other that Liam [fuckin'] Neeson. Liam Neeson! The only voices missing were David Hayter and Morgan Freeman to complete my own trinity of favorite voices (picture that, a five-year-old voiced by David Hayter). The movie also had one of the best MILFs in all of anime. Giggity giggity!

  The graphics were very pretty, but, again, this is all thanks to the divine providence of Miyazaki. I felt that Ponyo's pants were far too puffy and awkward, but that's probably just the Humbert Humbert in me talking. What I liked best was all the sea life. I haven't seen that many sea creatures since the Cambrian Explosion (okay okay, I'm not that old. I was only alive to enjoy beyond the Carboniferous).

  The most awkward thing that not even my cloud-watching emptied mind could ignore was just how accepting everyone seemed to be. A lot of freaky things occurred during the film's length, and they took it all in stride. The entire town is flooded up to the highest hilltops? Oh, let us go row-boating. The little girl that's clamping onto your neck used to be the goldfish you kept in a bucket? Well, let us just invite her inside. Will it be okay if I left two five-year-olds alone during a flood? Absolutely! I could keep going, but I'm going to stop here and repeatedly punch my forehead while repeating "cloud watching! Cloud watching!"

  While I did enjoy the movie, I felt that it was definitely Miyazaki's weakest movie. Since his movies are of such astounding quality, this isn't necessarily an insult (I could fill several books with worse movies). It earns a respectable 8.0723904 / 10.23. It would've earned a mere 8.0623904 out of 10.23, but I just had to award an extra hundredth of a point since it had one of the best movie quotes around: "You're not busy: you're five!" That one had me laughing out loud, much to the chagrin of the hatchling next to me.

  Oh, and there was one scene where I totally expected the MILF to use the light signal to spell out "FUCK OFF," but they settled for the more child-friendly "BUG OFF". Oh well...

  
  Stephen Colbert presents Ponyo in interpretive dance.

  • 2:17 pm
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