Don't bother answering that, because I don't care. I know full well that it will not be as interesting as this one teenage girl's in Kashmir. According to the article I read, three insurgent militants stormed into the house with the commander intent on marrying young Rukhsana (it doesn't say, but I'm assuming this is a standard mating ritual). While beating the snot out of her parents, Rukhsana and her brother stormed the militants.

The two used a fighting style that can only be referred to in whisper as Fist of the Adrenaline-Fueled Panic. She grabbed the guy's hair, slammed him into a wall, hit him with an ax (which they apparently keep lying around), and finally stole his rifle and plugged him with twelve rounds. Only one gunman was killed, but he was considered "the lucky one". The others escaped only to be mocked and ostracized for being defeated by a girl. I must say, that is mighty impressive for a girl four years my junior (I'm 22; do the math). Rukhsana said the exchange of gunfire lasted roughly four hours.

One of my favorite lines came about two-thirds into the article. I'm going to quote it, just because reading it gives me such joy:
"I had never touched a rifle before this, let alone fired one. But I had seen heroes firing in films on TV and tried the same way. Somehow I gathered courage – I fired and fought ['til] dead tired."
I hope all of you inferred the same thing from this quote. This girl learned how to protect her family by watching TV. Imagine if she played video games, too. I'm sure none of those bastards would've escaped.

A quick overview: I'm currently embarking on an expedition into Christian theodicy by reading 21 Reasons Bad Things Happen to Good People by Liberty University department chair Dave Earley. This series of posts contains my thoughts as I read through. Comments and discussion are welcome and encouraged.
Introduction
Reason 1
Reason 2

Reason 3: To Expand Our Perspective of God

This chapter opens with a parable of the author while he was an upstanding senior pastor at his church. He explains how he was suddenly overwhelmed with flu-like symptoms that persisted for several years. He prayed to God for answers but discovered only after wussing out and seeing some doctors that he had CFIDs. With that answered, he focused his prayers on why God allowed this. He never answered.

He told this tale to somewhat compare himself to Job, who received just as much response from God through most of his book. It wasn't until some schmuck was trying to explain God to Job that the Almighty Himself said, "hold up, busta. Let me tell ya how it is" (I'm paraphrasing). He goes on to explain how great He is. Basically, He doesn't give an answer. It also sets a bad precedent where if you have someone explain God to you, God is expected to appear to set things straight (maybe that is what I've been doing wrong all of my life).

Earley says this episode was meant to show that God is awesome, and bad experiences and suffering are meant to display this. One would think He could just give everyone a speech like He did for Job and skip all the suffering for this purpose. That would make more sense from an all-loving god, but hey, who am I to question God?

The chapter closes with another parable about a fisherman who got lost at sea after a storm. When he finally got home, his wife told him that their house burned down and they had nothing left. The man, it turned out, was extremely happy since that fire was what led him home after he got lost. He actually praised God for destroying his home and possessions. You would think a god capable of creating light from nothing (Genesis 1:3) could skip over burning down the gent's house, but God's ways are not mine.

The end of chapter synopsis explains that pain and suffering is meant to open a bigger view of God. God, in His turn, allows this to happen because… I don't know why. To boost His ego? I suppose I do not entirely understand what part of God is meant to expand upon. The part where He allows evil? His occasional laissez-faire attitude to humanity?

Anybody else get their flu vaccination yet? I sure did, and they had so many options. For the older and younger crowd, they had the standard flu shots. For the boring, mid-life folks, they had nasal sprays. For the hip, young urban professionals, they had a snortable powder (the option I chose). Those hippie college students even have an option of inhaling their vaccine through a hookah. Some even felt frisky and asked to have the bowl replaced with a piece of fruit or something. For the social, party-goers, a pill form is available that contain high amounts of caffeine, but in short supply. It is all very convenient. The wussies that lacked the gall for any other options were able to get the vaccine pass through the skin from a sticker.

Here are a couple of rules and laws that I thought up while driving. Let me offer some quick definitions first: a rule is something drivers should follow, but usually don't. A law is something that is always followed.

Pole Position Rule – This rule insists that drivers who are first in line at a red light are required to accelerate as quickly as their cars can handle the moment that light turns green. This requires significant attentiveness from the driver. This rule has several good reasons, such as: (a) getting drivers behind to their destination faster, (b) making the driver feel like a professional racer, and (c) teaching those schmucks that can't judge how long yellow lights linger a quick lesson.

Minute Bumper Distance Rule – This rule insists that when a fast moving driver is bearing down on you, and does not slow down until there is about a gnat's-width distance between your two bumpers, you should get out of the way. I don't care if that means pulling onto the shoulder or onto the median, just get the heck out of my the other driver's way.

Jesus Fish Inconsistency Law – The Jesus Fish is a strange and magical item with effects that vary with what type of vehicle it is attached to. When attached to a sedan or a minivan, the driver instantly loses all knowledge of how a motor vehicle works. The drive obscenely slow, weave sluggishly between lanes, and leave their brights on. It's bizarre. On a pickup, the senses of the driver become hyper-tuned. They can go double the speed limit, pull off the Minute Bumper Distance Rule flawlessly, and cut in front of other vehicles with remarkable efficiency. I would bet they could strap a JATO to their truck bed and drive home from work safely.

Semi-truck Haste Law – If a fast moving semi-truck is bearing down on a a driver, that driver will instinctively get out of the truck's way. It happens all the time. You can count on it more than you can count on those same drivers moving out of the way of a cop or ambulance. This law can be used to one's advantage if he or she travels just behind a semi-truck and lets the truck take care of the cars in front of you.

In one of my classes, I had to write a quick XML file for some fake restaurant you make up. Since I already knew the stuff, I used it as an opportunity to make some awful IT puns. Here is the result:

<?xml version="1.0"?>

<menu>
XYZ Breakfast
<menuitem>
<itemname>FTPancakes</itemname>
<itemprice>$5.50</itemprice>
<itemdesc>File Transfer Pancakes</itemdesc>
<itemcals>500</itemcals>
</menuitem>
<menuitem>
<itemname>Scrambled EggsML</itemname>
<itemprice>$3.44</itemprice>
<itemdesc>Scrambled Eggs-stensible Markup Language</itemdesc>
<itemcals>127.001</itemcals>
</menuitem>
<menuitem>
<itemname>POP3-Tarts</itemname>
<itemprice>$6.67</itemprice>
<itemdesc>Post Office Protocol Tarts</itemdesc>
<itemcals>404</itemcals>
</menuitem>
</menu>

Okay, I should apologize. Mondays through Wednesdays are dreadful days for me to write because I go straight from a full day of work to a full evening of school. I think these dreadful puns came from a lack of sleep and complete ennui.

House season premiere tonight. Cancel all other plans.

Folks, we have a serious problem facing our country. It is nothing less than a socialist takeover of our country's knowledge. I am speaking of the mere existence of so-called public libraries. These GOVERNMENT-FUNDED institutions offer FREE and SHARED books. Since the government funds these filthy institutions, they have practically complete control over everything. THEY will control WHAT BOOKS YOU READ! They will control WHO HAS ACCESS TO KNOWLEDGE!

We, as Americans, do not need these filthy, socialist libraries. We already have a perfectly good private means of acquiring knowledge. It's called a bookstore. We have the greatest bookstore system on the planet, and the government is trying to overtake it with a library system that nobody wants. If the poor can't afford books, then they are obviously not working hard enough. How many of you have visited these libraries and compared them to bookstores? The shelves are dusty, the staff is old, and the books are poorly kept. This is the kind of government institution we are leaving our children. We should protect our bookstores, which are clean, youthful, and full of energy. They have only the best books, as the free market pressures them to keep up. Libraries feel no such pressure and are able to stagnate as they sap away precious dollars from the FREE-MARKET bookstores.

We must take a stand. These SOCIALIST libraries need to be stopped. Join me! Picket your local library today. Tell them we do not want government interventions with our most important resource: knowledge.

Some people have asked me why I am such a pessimist. I find it to be the most logical form of living. If things go poorly, you already expected it, and if things go well, it’s a pleasant surprise. I try to follow this philosophy in all of my life. Recently, however, I made the shameful mistake of being optimistic.  I saw the trailer to 9 and thought it looked fantastic. I suppose it was mainly the awesome use of Coheed & Cambria, but I had high hopes for the movie. Having actually seen the movie last week, I have once again proven to myself that optimism is faulty.

9 was pure rubbish. I don’t even know where to begin. I’ll start with the visuals, which so many people seem to be bestowing accolades upon. The character models just looked really weird. I know it’s hard to make burlap look like actual burlap in CGI, but at least try to go beyond bump-mapping, especially when the movie is going to have several close-ups. The mouths could’ve used some more work too. They just seemed too small and made the burlap strands contort queerly. Maybe the artists should have played LittleBigPlanet for a bit longer. The background scenery was good, but just seemed artificial. Why did the last dregs of humanity leave so much rubbish about?

My biggest gripe was probably the story. Let me just explain it in briefly: all of humanity was destroyed in a robotic insurrection, and these nine ragdolls decide to destroy the machines for no better reason than "just 'cuz." Well, that may not be entirely accurate. Only a tiny handful wishes to actively destroy the machines. It is not until a bold, charismatic leader appears on the scene that they decide to, eventually, rally together and willingly welcome death. The ending of the film was particularly awkward. Apparently the substance that makes them move is the same substance that makes rain, or something. About two-thirds of the way into the movie, we see what is undeniably a final boss fight. A building blows up, the characters cheer, and lighthearted music starts playing… only for the movie to keep going. I keep thinking to myself that 9 was meant more for a TV series than a feature length film. In fact, I would have preferred it that way. I could’ve avoided spending my money on the tosh.

In the film, there were two things I liked. Well, technically three, but I lumped the inquisitive twins into one. They are just adorable as they jump around ADHD-like in their quest for knowledge. They also keep their mouths shut, which is a big improvement. Second is the primary baddy, what I refer to as The Constructor. It’s just so cool looking. All of those arms going around must be exceptionally efficient.

Anyway, I’m running out of energy for finishing this review, so let me try and hurriedly sum up my thoughts. The graphics were poor, the story was poor, the characters were poor, and the overall movie was poor. I give it a shameful 5.846028 / 10.23. My time would’ve been better spent watching the trailer for an hour and a half. Sheesh, is The Proposal on DVD yet?