Hark! Let it be announced from atop the tallest minarets that today is 1023 Day! Sooth, it is on this day, the twenty-third day of the tenth month, that the numerals of the date, when aligned in month-day fashion, form the Holy Number: 1023. The Holy Number exemplifies the essence of randomness and acceptance. It is whispered in the tales of scholars that, in the time of ancients, the Holy Number was used in early efforts to gain access to the Fountain of Knowledge. Our great God-King Jimbo tried several times to create a unique persona that would grant Him access to this magical place, but met always with failure. It was not until He gave His persona a name that incorporated the Holy Number that the gates of Infinity were opened to Him, and the world's knowledge rested at His fingertips. Many moons have passed since that blessed day. The Fountain of Knowledge continues to flow through our God-King by the strength of the Holy Number. He has decreed today to be a day of celebration, to make the importance of 1023 in the life of every person. All hail God-King Jimbo! All hail 1023!

The witching hour is close at hand, and Jimbo has prepared another anime season list to entertain and give a glimpse into his lead hobby. As it has become tradition, the anime I am following will be listed in order of priority.

Kimi ni Todoke
Genre: romance

After watching this anime, you will die in seven days.

While ranking the anime I'm watching this season, I knew from the beginning this would be at the top. Why? It's a romantic comedy, pure and simple. The kind I get all giddy over. The heroine of this fine tale is Sawako who looks nearly identical to Sadako from The Ring. As a result, she is shunned by society, except for one bedroom-eyed gent who, I can only guess, watched The Ring a little too closely during those formative years. My only gripe is Sadako's dialogue. It's so embarrassing that I actually feel pity for the poor seiyuu.

Chi's New Address
Genre: adorable

I don't have anything witty to say, I just like Tama-san's face in this scene.

It's the series that just won't die. I don't think I have written a list like this where a Chi series has not been in one of the top spots. It is that good. It is funny, rapid-fire, and so cute that it makes you want to make Bambi-eyes at it. If you're not already watching it, you bring shame to humanity.

Kämpfer
Genre: ungodly amalgamation of action, comedy, and romance

The ultimate question: magical girl or magical boy anime?

What do you get when you force a bunch of high school students to fight each other to the death using swords, guns, and magic… and all of the combatants have to be women… and one of the combatants is actually a guy that has to transform into a girl in order to fight… and the girl he fancies has fallen for his female alter ego… and the cliché helper animals are stuffed tigers and rabbits committing hara-kiri… and [cut due to length]

I saw this picture on a blog I frequent that often extols just how awesome I am, and I had to write about it. It gives a list of groups that are most wanted by Hell. I must say, it feels good to be wanted, but I thought I would run down the list and see how many of these entries actually apply to me. Here we go:

Drunkards: No, I don't drink. In fact, I abhor drinking, but not for any religious reasons. I find that it makes people aggressive and/or stupid, which are two states that I hate seeing in myself or others.

Liars: This applies to me, but is a ridiculous accusation. It is practically impossible to find somebody who has never lied. It is like trying to say somebody is going to hell for being molecularly carbon-based.

Thieves: I can safely say that I have never stolen anything. At least, not intentionally. There have been situations where items were presented that I assumed were free, but never really checked for evidence to validate that assumption. This is especially true at trade conventions.

Sports Fans: This definitely does not apply to me. I dislike sports, much to the chagrin of people who attempt to present the topic to me in forced conversation.

Blasphemers: Oops, guilty. I have insulted tons of gods from Allah to Zeus.

Money-Lovers: I admit to this, but I would like to have it known that it is a purely platonic relationship.

Pagans: This one made me giggle. I actually belong to a Pagan group on my campus, but I am not a Pagan in any sense of the word. I am, sort of, the token atheist of the group.

Homosexuals: I am straight, but Hell probably wants me for my support of gay rights nonetheless.

Prostitutes: Not applicable. Not for lack of trying, of course.

Witches: I don't think this applies to me, but since I have read all of the Harry Potter books, Hell is probably waiting for me just in case.

Atheists: Present! Oops, wait a minute...

Gamblers: I don't gamble. Well, not in the sense it implies. I occasionally make tiny bets with friends, but it's never for money. I recall one bet I made with a buddy where the loser had to play on FreeRice.com for a full hour.

Porn-Lovers: Believe it or not, I'm not a fan of porn. I find it dull and samey, even with all of the "scenarios" they try to put the "actors" in.

Whoremongers: As my Open Office spell check points out, this is not a word, so it will be summarily ignored.

Child Molesters: Contrary to all of the loli anime I peruse, I have not nor have any desire to molest children. Still, I'm young, so who knows what the future may hold.

Evolutionists: I fall into this group, but at least I will be in good company.

Pot Smokers: I am probably the only male college student in the world who has never smoked pot. I just find something inherently wrong in willful smoke inhalation.

Lesbians: Isn't this redundant with the homosexual entry? Well, I am not a woman, so this is not applicable to me.

Fornicators: As tempting as bolstering the nation's economy by supporting a grassroots industry is, I must say that this descriptor does not apply to me.

Masturbators: As a single, male young adult, this describes me. I feel especially randy after conquering an enemy nation in RTS games and need a "release".

Hypocrites: See comments for "Liars"

Psychics: Hey babe, they don't call me the Kwisatz Haderach for nothing.

Coworker (CW): What the heck is that clicking sound?
Me (Me): Sorry, it's my pedometer.
CW: Why do you have a pedometer?
Me: Ah... it's part of my sex offender registration; I have to wear it. It gauges the frequency and intensity of my pedophilic thoughts. I thought it would explode the other day at the grocery when I saw the latest Teen Vogue cover. Phew!
CW: Oh, I see. I suppose the road to recovery begins by measuring the problem.
Me: Maybe. There's actually this site that lets you upload your score and see how high it can get. I'm a member of this atheist community on there and I'm trying to help it reach the top, but those Christian groups are whopping our [plural expletive deleted].
CW: Uh-huh, and that clicking sound, I assume, means...
Me: Oh yeah~ You definitely don't want to see inside my head right now.
CW: (sighs) This conversation is stupid.
Me: Hey, you started it.

Today, I had to go shopping. I don't mean the kind of shopping where I call up a posse of boyfriends and do some serious shopping~, I mean just the regular, around-the-house shopping. Subsistence shopping, if you will. The only reason I write about it this time is because I'm a misanthrope and enjoy torturing my readers. Also, it was rather harrowing.

The first order of business was to visit Ye Olde General Shoppe. I needed a new rubbish bin. There was nothing particularly wrong with my old bin, but it was just so big. Since I recycle, thing only stuff that gets dumped in there is my food waste, and it tends to get stinky before it's even half-way full. That is why, in my Solomon-like wisdom, I decided to invest in a smaller rubbish bin. The purchase was easy; the transport was difficult. You see, after I bought it, I decided to get some lunch. Since there was no bag that could carry the bin, I was just carrying it as is. This is where I discovered a very interesting trait in human beings. No matter where it is, who it is near, how illogically set, people will throw their rubbish into the nearest rubbish bin. Since I was waiting in line with several people, this often meant my rubbish bin. Every time I set it down, some schmuck would drop their receipt, napkin, or straw wrapper into my brand new rubbish bin. After a while, I took to carrying it with me in my hand and not putting it down. When I finally got to my table, I set down my tray and bin then walked to the fountain to get a soda. When I got back to my table, there was more rubbish in my bin! Gah! Humans!

My next stop was Ye Olde Foodstuffs Market. As before, the shopping was largely uneventful. The issue came when I was checking out. I was going through the self-checkout lane (as a bachelor, I can easily stretch less than twenty items out for a week) and just entering in one of my sweet potatoes. One of the employees actually came over and told me that it was a yam, not a sweet potato. She then proceeded to go into admin mode and fidget around to void the item then reenter it as a yam. Now, coming from somebody who knows the difference between yams and sweet potatoes, this was completely absurd. I stayed silent, however, in the hopes that yams would be cheaper, and she would've given me a discount. The two items were the exact same price. It took every fiber of my being not to say, "thank you ma'm for not only wasting my time but the time of others behind me simply because you do not know the difference between yams and sweet potatoes, you fat, arrogant cow." Fortunately, the thoughts remained in my head and I settled for punching her squarely in the stomach. People! Sheesh!

All of you should go and see this movie. I'm not going to ask if you've seen it already, because I know you haven't. This is something I gathered from my theatre showing, in which there were three people (myself included). Granted, it was at 10:30am on a Thursday, but since there was a white guy, a black guy, and an old white chick, I think it makes for an excellent representation of the entire world. That said, let me get on with the review.

The film is primarily a comedy. It starts off with burlesque brutal honesty, switches to satire about halfway, and finishes off by being… well, really boring actually. I find endings to be important, so it loses a lot of points for that, but let me put that aside since I genuinely want you to see this movie. Everything about the comedy was so dry that I was laughing nearly throughout. Its primary weapon is words, which is rare in this day and age. No silly visuals, no wonky characters, no exaggerated facial expressions: just good, hilarious dialogue. I think the reason it comes off so funny is because of its honesty. The truth is so rare that when it comes out it's bizarre. You never hear someone say they're pessimistic about their date when they're there with their date (I think I used all the forms of "their" there). This is why it's so funny to see.

That is the hook of the film: honesty. We are taken to an alternate world where lying never existed. The main character is a chubby Brit who is a loser in everything he does. The women he dates would rather wank off than have sex with him, which they say straight to his face (no lying, remember?). This character, who I shall assign the false name "Ricky Gervais," eventually suffers from a neurological dysfunction and suddenly finds himself capable of saying things that are not, in a literal sense, the truth. Using this power he attempts to make the world a better place and help people with pleasant white lies. Ha ha, I'm joking, obviously. He goes out and readily robs a bank, takes a girl to a hotel, and convinces people he is a black, German astronaut with one arm. Oh sure, he eventually tries to use his power for good, but that's not important.

I have to say that my favorite part about the movie is how it treats religion. When there is nothing but truth in the world, there is no religion, spirituality, or anything of the sort.  It isn't until "Ricky Gervais" discovers how to lie that he weaves the story of an afterlife for his dying mother. Some people overhear this, assume it's the truth, and he instantly becomes a prophet: the only human capable of speaking with The Man in the Sky. It was great when he tried to codify his new religion. Rather than write a huge book with a bunch of lame parables and questionable history, he just makes a two page list and tapes it to the back of some empty pizza boxes. I was emitting stifled giggles throughout these scenes.

Now, there was much to complain about in the movie. As I mentioned before, the ending was particularly bad. The writers tried darn hard to give you a happy ending, and the problem with that is you have to take time out of the humor in order to build a foundation for that. I can bear it if they try to evenly space that out, but they tried to cram it all into the end. Not only that, they also tried to evenly space it out. Not only do you have a boring ending, you have frequent breaks in the humor with boring scenes to build up to the happy ending. We need more movies like Wrongfully Accused (the greatest movie of all time) that are funny from beginning to end without any of the boring in between. I hope that, if they make a sequel, that they would not be tied down by trying to give any morals. Let it just be funny.

This movie was lots of fun and well worth the discount tickets I bought for arriving at the theatre at an ungodly hour (I actually got a surprised look from the teller). If you want to see it now, I heartily encourage it. It was fun, witty, and had a unique concept. I want you to see it, so I will hide the score here: Go see the damn movie (highlight gap to read).

By Jimbo
Jimbo News Network

In a move that is sending shockwaves across the world, a group of Somali pirates had recently attempted to take a French warship that they mistook for a harmless cargo vessel. They approached on several skiffs but were readily pushed back by the trained soldiers on the warship, who managed to capture five of them. Authorities say that once "they realised they were facing a ship that was responding and was heading towards them, they stopped shooting and attempted to flee" (sauce). Jimbo News Network correspondent, Jimbo, managed to catch up with the Somali pirate captain for an interview. He requested that we protect his identity and gave him the pseudonym Toby.

JNN: Thank you for being so patient and having this interview. As I understand it, you and your group attempted to hijack a French warship that you thought was a regular cargo vessel?
"Toby": That is correct. It was most embarrassing.
JNN: I think the question that is on everyone's mind is: who surrendered first? It is just hard to fathom the French putting up a fight.
"Toby": It was very awkward. I believe, in hindsight, they were actually firing warning shots to get our attention and help us see the white flags they were waving. I think they took offence when we started to turn around and escape. The world leaders in surrender must've felt we were stealing their thunder, if you will.
JNN: What do you think is going to happen to the group that did manage to escape the French onslaught?
"Toby": While I would love to say they will walk the plank, the skiffs we launch are not particularly large, making plank walking rather silly. We do have a rather large crate of paisley bandanas, though, that we make them wear. It's rather unmanly, you know?
JNN: And what will happen to you when you get back?
"Toby": If you think I will be showing my face again before that group, you are truly mad. I know what they will say: "Hey look, it's that loser Kunta – "
JNN: Your name is Toby.
"Toby": Kunta Kinte
JNN:  What's your name?
"Toby": Toby.
JNN: That's a good [lad].
"Toby": Anyway, they would say: "Hey look, it's that loser…. Toby… who even had to surrender to the French. If our rubbish wasn't our only thing of value, we would throw it at you!"
JNN:Well Toby, we would like to thank you for your time. More of this interview can be found on the JNN website.

Okay, fine, I realize this movie has long since passed its theatre release date. Well, I only just got the chance to see it, so I felt like reviewing it; you wanna fight about it? The only reason I didn't go to see it on the big screen was because I thought it looked dreadful. In fact, I continued to think that through carrying the DVD case to the checkout counter, going home, and popping the movie in the player. It wasn't until I started watching the movie that my opinion started to turn around and find that it was actually fairly decent.

First off, the movie title is slightly misleading. Sure, there are monsters fighting aliens, which puts the title in the same league as Snakes on a Plane, but the primary focus of the film is on the character interaction. This is fortunate, because the characters are entertaining. Well... not really. Only two of the characters are actually interesting. BOB, the gelatinous mass, does little more than provide humorous visuals, and Link, the swamp monster, is just a whiny little bitch (pronounced: bee-itch). Hugh Laurie's character, Dr. Cockroach, the Hispanic-looking Englishman, was one of the two entertaining characters, if only because it gave Hugh Laurie the opportunity to drop his American accent for a little while.

The other interesting character was Susan, of Attack of the 50 Foot Woman fame. The film took a fantastic approach with this character, in the fact that she was the only one it fleshed out beyond a minute long background cinematic. By focusing primarily on Susan, they were able to change this from a goofy comedy with about as much character development as a Wayans' brothers movie and into something much more. Well, it is still a kid's movie, but I still had a lot of fun watching Susan cope with her strange new... disability. She is just the most adorable female lead ever. It also helped how she got a new, tight-fitting outfit every time she was imprisoned. It gave me something to ogle during the frequently stupid moments.

The movie had some awkward voice acting. I love Hugh Laurie (as a friend, if you know what I mean), but his voice just did not work for Dr. Cockroach. The same goes for the president, as voiced by Stephen Colbert. Someone like John Goodman would have fit better, in my humble opinion. Susan was spot on though. I wonder how that happened. I guess, like all women, I wasn't paying attention when she was talking. Also the music score was truly a masterwork. In what other movie can you jump from Axel-F, to Journey, to Little River Band, to Aqua in the space of a single movie (aside from, y'know, listening to the music on my iPod).

Oh, and the best part: they destroyed a church right there in the beginning. It was great. They even ruined a wedding in the process. The misanthrope inside of me was rejoicing. I also rather enjoyed President Colbert's quote: "Commander, do something violent." Priceless.

I enjoyed the movie, but this was definitely one of those movies where once is enough. I'm glad I only rented it. When scoring, however, I try to keep replayability out of the tabulation. For an initial viewing, it gets a passable 8.252591 / 10.23.