September 10, 2010
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Church to Burn Non-Christian Holy Books
by Jimbo
Jimbo News Network - Religious CorrespondentA US church is causing shockwaves across the globe after its recent announcement of a book-burning ceremony wherein a pile of non-Christian religious texts will be lit ablaze late next week. The Church of the Multiplying Loaves and Fishes, located in a quiet suburb of Jimboville, was fed up with the religious persecution in the world and felt an old-fashioned book burning would send a clear message: don't mess with Christianity.
"We wanted to burn books in an unbiased way," said head pastor Jimbo. "We didn't want to look like a bunch of jerks." Pastor Jimbo explained how the initial plan was to burn just Qu'rans, but the congregation felt that that would seem too prejudiced. By burning an even spread of sacred texts, the church wanted to demonstrate that it didn't dislike Muslims specifically; they dislike all non-Christians.
Heads of various religions agree that the book-burning, while distasteful, has religious equality at its cornerstone. "While I am frustrated by their insistence to burn the Qu'ran, it does make me feel a little better that other non-Islamic texts are being put to the torch," says ibn Abihi, imam of al-Jimbo Mosque. Pastor Jimbo wanted to ensure that equality is very important to his congregation.
The list of texts is a lengthy one. There are expected to be many copies of the Qu'ran, the Bhagavd Gita, the Bardo Thodol, the Poetic Edda, the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, the Upanishads, and many others. "We're trying hard to find a copy of the Ramayana," said Pastor Jimbo. "We hope to find one before the big ceremony." He continues to say that he will offer a formal apology and promise to burn one at a later date if a copy is not found soon enough.
Comments (11)
This is a joke, yes?
@agnophilo - The al-Jimbo mosque? a funny one too.
Paster Jimbo and Imam Skyhook Jimbo sound like stand up gentlemen.
@tendollar4ways - I thought it was humorous, especially the bit about hating all non-christians equally so as not to seem biased, lol.
@LoBornlytesThoughtPalace - Of course you like them, they're 1-dimensional stereotypes.
the bhagavad gita? . Jesus, lol, Well, what the fuck ever!
I'm not going to get riled up about that, if they could rile me up that easily about my personal beliefs, whatever they might be, then my personal beliefs wouldn't even be real.
They can burn whatever they want, my beliefs remain the same, and the way things are in the universe, and in the cycle of life and death, remain the same.
They're being stupid assholes though, because the Muslims, some of them, take it all more personally then other groups. I don't quite get that, but they do. I mean if they could freak out over southpark....
@New_dog - To be fair, what group
hasn't
freaked out over South Park?
I am less than convinced.
@ithiliya - Liberal groups see the humor, we don't take ourselves so damn seriously.
BURN THE BHAGAVD VITA!! BURN IT!!
@New_dog - *LOL* I stand corrected
You're right. There was a Unitarian joke in Simpsons once (implying UU-ism is "empty"), and no one complained. In fact, I thought it was really funny!
But Catholics, Muslims, Mormons, Scientologists... they've all gone off the deep end over South Park.
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