In the beginning there was the Word, and the Word was “Arrrrr”.

I just got back from the Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear and let me just say that I think the speaker system rattled a few fillings out. It was definitely worth it, though. There were tons of great musicians (Cat Stevens, Ozzy, The O’Jays), tons of famous guests (Kareem Abdul Jabar, R2D2, The Mythbusters, a 7-year-old girl), and a bunch of “entertaining” rally goers. It was fun, somewhat profound, and a great afternoon. No regrets.

Oh, and I have pictures. Enjoy!

We’re on a mission from God

To Hell with the economy, this is the primary political issue in America.

Change we can, er… believe in?

Personally, I think a Palin presidency would be incredibly entertaining.

…But I’m pretty sure you’re not Hitler.

Oh snap, I LOVE Scrabble!

ATHEIST!

If you kill off most of the original inhabitants, does that instantly change you into the original?

This is a rally. I’m pretty sure everyone here could be deemed “suspicious”.

HEIL!

This is the Jumbo-tron I finally camped out beneath.

Kind of a big deal.

Only wussies carry signs

Just a picture of the crowd. There was a metric poop-ton of people.

He certainly has a clear message

Peanut Butter? Nonsense! Real Americans spread Nutella!

Another shot of the crowd; this time, from behind.

A bit hard to read: “The only thing you have to fear is that you have to go to the bathroom” If you saw the port-o-johns around the mall, you would believe it.

These folks came all the way from Wisconsin! And here I thought I was on an epic quest coming from just outside the beltway.

A rare sight: a Democratic Texan

Trust me, they’re good at that.

I love the lack of subtley

Oh no, it’s the French!

Ahem, it looks like SOMEBODY forgot an apostrophe

She is you, and you are me… I think.

The value of context

It’s like the New Year countdown, but without the giant disco ball.

Truthiness incarnate

It’s the really energetic one!

ZOMGWTFBBQ! It’s The Mythbusters! I want to have your love child! Squeeeeeee~

Cat “Yusuf” Stevens does his hippie thing before getting into a dual with Ozzy. It was glorious. (Oh, and this was the last photo I took of the Jumbo-tron)

Moments before the mauling began

This was about the closest I got to the stage during the finale. I think the particles in a neutron star have more space between them than the crowds around there.

Everybody loves free books, comrade.

Jesus Christ!

This photo is unrelated: Apparently the sparrows in DC also show no fear.

I came in with a dry-erase board, and left with a towel. This led to the famous phrase: “Hey, you sass that hoopy Jimbo? There’s a frood who really knows where his towel is.”

Also known as the excuse to get out of the house for a change and listen to some stand-up comedians for free… rally. It should be a fun Saturday. Good thing I live close enough to DC that I could probably see the entire rally from my bedroom window.

Mayor Jimbini: “What were we talking about again?”

by Jimbo
Jimbo News Network – Foreign Correspondent

In response to Castellammare di Stabia’s recent plans to pass legislation banning miniskirts, Città di Pomodoro has announced its own counter by encouraging female visitors and citizens to wear miniskirts. “We feel that curbing a woman’s right to show some leg will do nothing but hurt people’s feelings of liberty,” said Mayor Jimbini. Rather than fining women, the new bill will begin random rewards to women who wear short skirts or jeans well, similar to seat belt rewards in other countries.

Other civil employees are hailing the bill, claiming that it will be a boon for tourism in the small town. “We look at other popular tourist destinations like Rio de Janeiro and Cancún and wonder, ‘why not us?’,” Mayor Jimbini continues. “One word: skimpy clothing.” Investors are already pouring money into the town’s economy and drunk college students around the world are hailing this as a major victory.

There are some critics of the plan. This small group, which consists entirely of women in the legislature, denounces the bill for some reason or another, but nobody is paying much attention.

Jimbo is alone in his apartment with all of the doors and blinds shut. He has a sink full of dishes and all afternoon to do them. He begins the afternoon watching videos on YouTube. After every YouTube video, there is roughly a 50-50 chance he will decide to get out of his chair and clean the dishes. To a person standing outside of Jimbo’s apartment, Jimbo will enter a quantum state of both doing the dishes and not doing the dishes after a few minutes pass for the first YouTube video to finish.

Can Jimbo use this as rationale for not bothering to do his dishes and not feel guilty about it? Explain.

Through the power vested in me by myself, I hereby declare today the 23rd annual 1023 Day. As all of you know, 1023 Day is a scared and holy day that vivifies all of humanity and brings honor to the humble 1023. It is a day to be celebrated by all not for any man’s birth or any particular historic event, but for its sheer willingness to be 1023. Go forth, readers. Let it be known over hill and dell that 1023 Day has arrived, and there is no need to be afraid. All hail 1023!

(Oh, and happy birthday Weird Al!)

How different would the world be if Ash did not receive Pikachu as his starting Pokémon? The thought hit me yesterday morning and it has been nagging me throughout the day. Pikachu is nothing special in the games, so he owes his popularity solely to the anime.

Pikachu is essentially the emblem of the Pokémon empire. I think it is safe to assume that Pikachu’s likeness has been posted on more objects than Jesus, or even The Beatles. But if the Pokémon series became popular and Ash received a different starter, would it be that one appearing on coffee mugs and lunch boxes the world over?

I had the most fun picturing Koffing in this role. Ash just left Oak’s office with a somewhat rebellious Koffing hovering a metre behind him. Children would have Koffing-themed birthday parties. Lady geeks would cosplay as sexy Koffing. Internet polls would be swamped with fans declaring Koffing as their favorite. Nintendo would release all sorts of spin-off games based on Koffing. It’s practically endless! Oh, and James would no longer have a Koffing. He would instead have a Pikachu who is vilified the world over as a symbol of disgust and excess.

It’s odd, but profound.

Apparently, “Pokémon empire” is a proper noun. Microsoft Word has diplomatically recognized the ever-growing state of the Pokémon Empire.

I have a proposal to make to car companies. There is a new feature I would like to see in all future vehicles they roll out. I call it a driving simulator. It’s not a game or anything particularly engrossing. It’s just a feature that eases the stress of a slow commute.

Allow me to explain. Whenever traffic comes to a dead stop, either due to congestion, a long red light, or anything else, the driver would hit a button/switch that enters the vehicle into simulator mode. The car remains at a complete standstill, but it displays some sort of open road that the driver can pretend to drive along. He or she will continue to steer, accelerate, brake, and other necessary driving activities, but the car will remain stationary outside of the simulation. As soon as the car in front moves, simulation mode will safely switch off and return control to the actual driving.

I don’t care much about traffic; it’s just the stopping that infuriates me. If it was possible to make me feel like I’m getting somewhere, even while completely standing still, I can for once in my life get to my desk at work not in a seething fury.

My pumpkin for the year 2010. (last year)