November 5, 2010
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Government Mulls Further Beverage Summits
by Jimbo
Jimbo News Network - Political CorrespondentIn a recent press conference, leading politicians announced a bipartisan effort to name all future important political discussions after beverages served during the sit-down. This is part of a continued effort to force arbitrary memes upon Americans that was last seen with the now mandatory application of "gate" to the names of political scandals. President Obama had previously set the precedent with his famous Beer Summit last year. It seems likely to continue with the forthcoming Slurpee Summit between the president and Representative Boehner. There is some consternation, however, as the likely future House Speaker would prefer to hold a Merlot Summit (sauce).
Future planned discussions include the Piña Colada Summit, the Malted Milkshake Summit, and the Pisco Sour Summit. "I'm not sure what these talks are going to be about," said President Obama during an interview with JNN. "But the names certainly sound interesting."
Beverage companies are already maneuvering themselves politically in the hopes of having a summit named after one of their products. "7-11 is getting too much free advertising from this," said a representative from PepsiCo. "All we're saying is that it would be nice to see a SoBe Summit or Aquafina Summit in the near future." Media reporters are already staking out in front of the offices of top legislators in hopes of seeing one taking contributions from a beverage company representative. The race to report on the upcoming Non-Water-Beveragegate has begun.
