I saw this musical meme on some blogs I frequent. I figured that since I measure my worth as a human being by my comment and footprint number, I could think of nothing better than following along. Here are some songs I listened to in 2010 (or possibly 2009, I don’t remember) that altered my listening habits. Here we go:

10 Everybody’s Talking ‘Bout Sully – Stephen Colbert, Steve Carell, Jon Stewart
I heard this one during Comedy Central’s autism awareness phone-a-thon (or whatever it was called) and just thought it was hilarious. I picked it up on iTunes (the only song I bought online in years), and still listen to it from time to time to remind myself of how much we forget in only a few year’s time.

9 Slip – Deadmau5
I’m not a fan of techno. I can count all of the techno artists I enjoy on one hand with three fingers chopped off. Anyway, I heard this song on the radio, and I thought it was kind of neat. I can’t possibly explain why, but I eventually picked up Random Album Title. Now Daft Punk doesn’t have to feel too lonely on my iPod.

8 Smooth Criminal – Alien Ant Farm
I don’t remember when I first heard this song (I think it was this year), but it just made me giggle that I had to find it somewhere. I eventually picked up a CD titled The Edge, which was basically an alternative rock compilation that had this song on it. Most of the songs I didn’t care for, but a few stuck. It wasn’t Earth shaking, but it did bolster my iPod’s minority percentage of music that was released after I was born.

7 Long Forgotten Sons – Rise Against
Fine, fine, I’ll admit. I heard Rise Against’s Savior before this… over and over and over again. After having it pummeled into my head, I finally picked up their CD Appeal to Reason. Mostly it was so I would have Savior on my iPod, but I heard this song pop up when I had it on shuffle. I was impressed and ended up listening to the rest of the CD. Now I find myself listening to it more and more often. Sheesh.

6 John Barleycorn Must Die – Traffic
This entry applies to both the song and the album. I only found out about it during Thanksgiving when I was digging through my dad’s CD collection. I believe his words were, “what do you mean you never heard of Traffic!? Here, listen to this right now.” I did, and regret nothing. I don’t know why radio stations don’t play Traffic music more often… or at all.

5 Gotta Catch Em All (feat. Tony Kakko) – Powerglove
I’m a fan of Sonata Arctica, so when I heard this speed metal rendition of the Pokemon theme song featuring the lead singer, I almost had a heart attack. I did some more digging on the band and found much to like. I highly recommend their X-Men and This Is Halloween renditions.

4 Peace Train – Cat Stevens (Yusuf Islam)
Obviously I heard of Cat Stevens before. You don’t listen to classic rock for as long as I do without learning a thing or two. Nevertheless, I never paid much attention until he appeared at the Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear. He played Peace Train and I saw that it was good. Another artist has been added to the ol’ iPod.

3 Since You Been Gone – Rainbow
This song I heard on the radio, and I had never heard it before. It’s very rare, given the stations I listen to, for a new song to surprise me. This one, nevertheless, was awesome. I picked up a Rainbow CD a few days later, and all was right with the world.

2 Strawberry Avalanche – Owl City
This one I first heard as a download for osu!. I’ll admit, it was an easy map, but the song was so upbeat and “fruity” that I couldn’t help but smile. I picked up an Owl City CD at fye a few days later and loved it (mostly). It was fun, boppy, and so saccharine that I thought my teeth were going to fall out.

1 The Whistler – Jethro Tull
I heard this song one time on the radio and was instantly impressed. It was original, catchy, and could be sung while sitting in traffic. I had heard of Jethro Tull before, of course, but this was the first song that actually piqued my interest.A meager few months later and Jethro Tull is now brushing the top ten on my Last.fm charts.

Star Wars was once the trilogy of kings
But now midichlorians, a cheesy Anakin, and things
    Made for an awful ride
    But look on the bright side
Peter Jackson gave us Lord of the Rings

The International Space Station
Deserves Morgan Freeman narration
    It’s up in the sky
    Visible to the eye
Soon a holiday destination

The rule of Clinton then Bush then Obama
I’m sure there was no end to the drama
    But why should I care when
    I was in grade school then
Nobody cared about that DC melodrama

The bubble had long since burst
Internet biz feared the worst
    But with Facebook, Google, and Wikipedia
    Xanga, MySpace, and all of that video media
None can quench people’s thirst

I could write about how the towers fell
Or how the War on Terror is Hell
    But if you know me
    You already see
There are no funny stories to tell

It turns out there was no Y2K bug
So Microsoft released their Vista lug
    The people did cry
    Microsoft didn’t try
So now they offer 7 and a hug

A war on Christmas? When did that begin?
Whoever said “happy holidays” is a sin?
    The retailers do it
    There’s no malice to it
It’s just a capitalist thing

by Jimbo
Environmental Correspondent (Tree-Hugger)

The international community is in shock today after the Quebec University Environment and Energy Renewability (QUEER) group’s assessment was released detailing island nation Jimbonia’s renewable energy efforts. Jimbonia was recently lauded for its extensive use of wind turbines across its countryside while only switching to fossil fuels when the wind isn’t blowing. However, other countries began to ask questions when examining its massive importations of oil and coal.

The QUEER study showed that while Jimbonia’s wind turbine infrastructure was large, the turbines were free-spinning and did not produce any actual electricity. “They were just for looks,” said QUEER representative William Liam. “They wanted to look good to other countries, but lacked the resources to actually use the turbines.”

Jimbonia’s president Jimbo denounced these findings as ridiculous. “No, no, no. That’s silly talk. We are, uh… we’re using those turbines alright. We’re just using them so effectively that they only appeared to not do anything. Those QUEER guys don’t know what they’re talking about.”

The group is now investigating several other countries across the globe for imaginary renewable energy efforts.

I think it’s high time authors from around the world got together and agreed on a set of standards for fictitious beings. Most fantasy authors have rallied together under the Tolkien camp, wherein elves are all knife-eared hippies and dwarves are bearded Scottish midgets. There remains a lot of openness in scifi; but, for the most part, humans are always pricks.

My major area of consternation is in literary vampires. Most authors agree on broad traits: they drink blood, they shun sunlight, they’re immortal but not invincible, &c. The specifics, however, are far too loosely defined. Are vampires a separate species or are they still human albeit with a disease? Does sunlight instantly kill them or slowly? Does light even kill them at all (i.e. does it just make them gaily sparkle)? Just what kinds of supernatural gifts does vampirism bestow (e.g. increased strength, nightvision, overpowered libido, &c.)?

These are issues that need to be resolved. I have seen loose constructionists take advantage of these gaps, often to detrimental ends, too often. I don’t have much knowledge in vampiric lore, so I leave it to the experts in this situation. There can be no doubt, though, that something must be done.

On the outside, Tron 2, a.k.a. Daft Punk: The Movie, seems like every computer geek’s wet dream. It features sprawling landscapes, beautiful women, caged deathmatches, and so much more within a vast computer system. It also, apparently, is run by the Ricola guy. You can barely watch it for ten minutes without BWWWWWOOOOOOOWWWWWWW~

Let me just get something out of my system quickly (get it? “system”? rim shot). Tron Reloaded is an incredibly boring movie. The predicate of that previous sentence is best read bolded, underlined, and concluded with several exclamation points. I cannot be kind about this. BWWWWWOOOOOWWWWW~

Maybe it’s because I graduated with a degree in information technology, but from the moment Garrett Hedlund entered the grid, I had no idea what was going on. As far as I can tell, his father has been trapped on the grid for 20-some years after running cp flynn . from the bash, but having that copy act in a way that was different from what he planned. It’s like I, Robot, but without Will Smith’s, eh… “lackluster” acting. Anyway, this copy, dubbed Clu, beat him to death with a candlestick in the memory cache. Wait, no, rather, he somehow conquered the grid somehow, turned Tron evil somehow, summoned the kid to the grid somehow, and generally acted very goofy… somehow (fitting for a Disney movie, I suppose). At some point, a bunch of arbitrary migrant programs gained sentience or something and Clu killed them all (rope, graphical processing unit). There was also this bizarre character that seemed like an inhuman amalgamation of Johnny Depp and Jim Carrey. It almost made me want to hold up a cross and try to cast out the demon. I could just go on and on, but I think my brain is about to rupture. BWWWWWWOOOOOOOOWWWWWW~

The point I’m trying to make is that the plot was ridiculous and its telling was incredibly boring. The movie only came alive for me during those sparse opportunities when Daft Punk music started playing and the camera focused on some hot female cyberpunk booty. BWWWWWWWOOOOOOWWWWW~

I said before (way back in May) that a poor plot can be forgiven if the characters were interesting. Just like in May, the characters in Tron: The Empire Strikes Back are so unlikeable that it’s amazing they even got any actors at all. Sam, the son, is just a rich wise-guy who flaunts his protagonist status. Quorra, or 13, is an emotional joke that must’ve learned to speak from the G-Man School of Linguists. Kevin, the old user, is just a ridiculously stereotypical hippy that, admittedly, made me giggle, but also felt completely out of place given the setting. BWWWWWWOOOOOOWWWWWWW~

The movie gets a low 5.3002432 / 10.23. The only reason it earned any points at all is because of the light-cycle sequence, the Daft Punk soundtrack, and a particular scene where Olivia Wilde was sprawled on a sofa with her legs prominently on display. Do yourself a favour; just pick up the OST from Target and listen to it while playing Galaga or something. It will be a lot more entertaining than watching this movie. BWWWWWWWOOOOOOWWWWWW~

Thanks to this picture, you no longer need to see the movie. You’re welcome.

Step 1 – Release the original
This is the most important step for releasing a trilogy. The biggest thing to remember is to make the first film as if you aren’t making a trilogy! I know it’s difficult to separate the creation away from your grand plan, but this is important. You must have your audience demand a sequel. Only then will they willingly accept it.

The original is to be your magnum opus. You should put everything you have in it. If you screw this up, then no one will pay for the sequels. Remember, only the first one has to be good. Once you hook a fanbase, they will spend ridiculous amounts of money on anything else, so long as it’s related to the original.

Step 2 – Release a crappy sequel
So the first movie is a huge success. You have made ridiculous amounts of money and have a sizeable fanbase. You can put your feet up now; the hard part is over.

The plot of the sequel should follow directly from the original. Even if the ending of the first isn’t conducive to a sequel, you should do whatever you can to make it fit. It really doesn’t matter what you do with the sequel, so just go nuts. Critics will roundly lambast it, but they would do that no matter what you do. Just go nuts! Add in some cheesy dialogue. Add in some ridiculously over-the-top action. Add in some awkward attempts at humor. It doesn’t matter! Your new fanbase will flock to see it, regardless of the mountains of poor reviews.

Step 3 – Release third movie
There are two options here:

(A) Release a prequel to the first movie – Go through the first movie and pick some completely arbitrary aspect of it. It doesn’t matter too much what you pick. The point is to take this one event that no one really cares about and expand upon it. It could be how two characters met or the childhood of another character. It really doesn’t matter much. The important part is that it distances itself from the second movie as much as possible.

(B) Release a sequel to the sequel – Again, this sequel should follow immediately from the film preceding it. Again, it doesn’t matter what you do with it. Fans and reviewers will just be so grateful that it isn’t the second movie that they will be more forgiving to its faults. Unless, of course, you really screw up.

Direct sources:
Spiderman trilogy
Underworld trilogy
Austin Powers trilogy
Toy Story trilogy
Star Wars trilogies (both of them)

Honourable Mentions: (not strictly trilogies)
X-Men films
Transformers films
Shrek films

There needs to be a new political opinion show where the two pundits get so worked up that each episode ends with them getting in to a fist fight. It would be like Jerry Springer for the cable news evening.

Here’s how I picture it: The program takes place in a big fighter’s cage. There are two guys with differing viewpoints, usually a democrat and a republican. Each night, a currently relevant hot-button issue is discussed. Polite discourse gradually gives rise to heated shouting. Throughout, props are gradually dropped into the cage by American flag bikini wearing supermodels. It starts out with “opinion enhancers” like bullhorns and obscure, potentially-flawed reports on demographic statistics. It eventually builds up to items like truncheons and pugil sticks.

This kind of show would even spice up political discussion around the coffee machine in the office in the morning. “Yeah, well, if that tort reform supporter was such a wuss, he wouldn’t've had his face broken in by the truth.”