How to Lie With Statistics – Darrel Huff
Genre: Non-Fiction
This book is ancient, but it remains the best “question everything” book I have ever come across. It catalogues most every trick used to stretch data in the form of statistics. Not just that, but it strikes that careful, perfect balance of humour and intelligence that I can only dream of emulating. If I had just one wish, it would be that all grade school students were made to read this book at some point, if only to learn to question what they read.

The Jungle – Upton Sinclair
Genre: Social Commentary (Fiction)
This book, more than any other, makes me question the calls for market deregulation from the government. While it’s mostly remembered for its unintentional exposé on the meat-packing industry, reading it will make you realize that it’s actually a call for socialism. While I can’t say I’m too fond of that message, it does make a person realize that, if not regulated, the business world will chew up and spit out the lowest common denominator in the name of the mighty dollar.

Alamut – Vladimir Bartol
Genre: Historical (Fiction)
Alamut is a fictional account for the rise of the Islamic sect known as the Assassins. That’s dandy and all, but what’s really interesting about the story is how it basically explains how a new religious order is created. A charismatic leader decides to reach for power and does so by taking advantage of the malleable minds of those beneath him. It’s amazing and one of the most profound works of fiction I have ever read.

The Time Traveler’s Wife – Audrey Niffenegger
Genre: Romance (Fiction)
Let me start this paragraph by making my thoughts clear. This is my favourite book of all time (so far). It has the best implementations of time travel I have ever read. Instead of a rare gift, it is treated more like a dangerous genetic disease. This handicap of sorts is weaved into one of the best romances and should be read by everyone. Go. Now.

Tag & Bink Were Here – Kevin Rubio, Lucas Marangon
Genre: Comic (Fiction)
I can guarantee that reading this comic will alter your ability to watch Star Wars for the rest of your days. Just about every significant event in the series is lampooned and directly connected with the hilarious titular characters. For example, the two guards distracted by Obi Wan on the death star, the two TIE pilots leading the Falcon to the Death Star, the two stormtroopers that shot C-3PO in Cloud City, and the two red guards asked to leave just before the Luke-Vader fight scene are the same two people. Other highlights include referring to Boba Fett as “Boo-Boo” and casting Jay and Silent Bob as two Old Republic jedis.

In order to appease my reader(s?) on the west coast, here are some pictures of snow from my balcony.
Ooh~ Ahh~
Granted, it already had a day to mostly melt away, but it’s still pretty.

To give this post some more substance, here are some ideas I have for names the news media can use for describing heavy snowstorms:

• Snowpocalypse
• Snowmageddon
• The Snowcand Coming
• Snowlocaust
• Gensnowcide
• Exsnowsion
• Snowxis of Evil
• Snowrectile Dysfunction
• Snowtorious BIG

In a bizarre twist, I actually had a request for content! Never one to pass up an opportunity to show off and stroke my own ego, I hastened to take some photos of my tiny apartment. Specifically, the wall space covered with gaming appartus.

This is my primary spread. It is lovingly supported by only the wobbliest Ikea furniture money can buy.

This is the crux of the request: my DS game collection. Some of the manliest highlights include Princess Debut, The Legendary Starfy, and Doki Doki Majo Shinpan.

To round things off, here is my collection of current generation games (with a sampling of Gamecube games to keep the shelves neat und tidy!).

Dear Playstation 3,

I regret that I have to say this in writing, but I can no longer love you as I have in the past. I have found another. We had lots of great times together, but it’s time for us to move on.

The console I’m with now is the Xbox 360. I’ll admit that she is somewhat high-maintenance. She asks for money if I want to play multiplayer, and most of her menu content is catered to squeeze money from gamers, but despite this she treats me better than you. Her interface is much smoother and the menus are more responsive and open quickly. She also doesn’t require me to sit and wait for ten minutes after purchasing a new game while it installs to the hard drive.

Let me just get it out in the open. The two of you have pretty much the same games. When a third-party developer releases a game, it’s usually for both of you. That’s not to say you don’t have a solid selection of console specific games. I will always be there to help raise our LittleBigPlanets. But from now on, you will be nothing more than a mistress.

I am sorry. Farewell my love,

Jimbo

“I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End, the First and the Last.” – Revelation 22:13

With these words in mind, Lions Gate embarked upon its latest effort to shove Pixar and Dreamworks out of the computer-animated movie spotlight. The reason I decided to watch and review this undertaking is because I, honestly, never heard of it. Since I consider it my duty, as a full grown adult, to review children’s CG movies, I could not let this pass. A movie about two wolves from different social classes falling in love sounded absolutely adorable! How could they possibly go wrong? To answer that question, I present this movie as evidence.

This movie revolves around two cubhood friends, Winslet and Bogart. In order to reunite two warring packs, Winslet is expected to marry the opposing family’s top dog, as it were, Brooks. Before this can occur, Winslet and Bogart are sedated by some park rangers, dropped off in Idaho, and expected to repopulate a forest area, Noah’s ark style. After some golf humour and French-bashing (seriously), they decide to head back north to their forest in Canada. It’s a bit like The Incredible Journey, but with fifty times the horse crap. When they finally get back, the marriage is broken off, Winslet and Bogart get together, and Brooks gets together instead with the emo-haired Munster. There, that’s the entire plot. Now you don’t have to see the movie. (You’re welcome)

I must say, when I think children’s movie, I think gender stereotypes. This movie was the strangest case of it. The she-wolf (wolfette?) is made out from the beginning as a fully trained special ops soldier, or an “alpha,” as they’re called. However, time after time, she is rescued from life-threatening situations by what amounts to a stand-up comedian, or “omega” (get it?). I guess I understand the whole chivalry aspect, but that just seems ridiculous. You never saw any of that silliness in WALL•E.

I mentioned that this was a kid’s movie, but I’m not too sure about that anymore. The amount of sexual innuendo is incredibly awkward, to say the least. I certainly felt dirtier than ever by the time the movie ended. I think Lions Gate tried to cover it up in a mask of kid-friendliness, but its primary audience was the abominable “furry” demographic. Maybe that’s what the title means. It’s encouraging viewers to go to confession. “Forgive me Father, for I feel dirty.”

For having unlikable characters, an overall sense of dirtiness, and just being bloody boring, Alpha and Omega gets a meager 3.5462001 / 10.23. The only reason it earned any points at all is because I like the idea of a comedian beating up a bear and dodging bullets. It rather gives me hope. Also, the emo-haired wolf looked unbelievably ho-GAH! No no no no no no no no! Out damned thought! Excuse me, I need to find a Catholic church. (“Forgive me Father…”)

Rawr, children’s movie!

Happy new year! With the start of every new year comes a new batch of anime series to follow. I know there’s one in particular I’ve been looking forward to. Let us just hurry and get this started. As with last year, I will list them in order of my priority. Here we go:

Kimi ni Todoke – Second Season
Genre: romantic-comedy

Really, Sawako’s ridiculous facial expressions are the primary reasons to watch.

Oh Kimi ni Todoke… It has been too long since your first season came to a close. Long have I awaited your return to the spotlight. I was truly concerned that I might not get to see you again and would have to content myself with the slow pace of the mange release. Fortunately, you have deigned to grace us with your presence once more. Shine your light down upon us unworthy viewers once again, oh glory of the current anime season.

Fractale
Genre: fantasy (?)

That’s right folks! You can watch this series as it’s released in Japan! For free! With subtitles! Legally!

Let me just say that this is probably the prettiest anime of the season. It feels like a Miyazaki movie from the art style, the sound score, and, to an extent, the story. It has an almost Terminator-meets-1984 feel, but takes place in some bizarrely quaint European village. If you hit mute, you could feel as if it was a peaceful, laid back world, but the subtle hints placed throughout point towards a dystopia of control. It was very impressive and has subtlety that is so often lost in the world of anime. I’m looking forward to more.

Gosick
Genre: comedy-mystery

“I’m not going to tell you much more of the case, Doctor. You know a conjurer gets no credit once he has explained his trick; and if I show you too much of my method of working, you will come to the conclusion that I am a very ordinary individual after all.”

This one was a surprise for me. I expected it to be another series that attempted to act dark, but only comes out feeling goofy. Instead, it’s an entertaining comedy-mystery with what must be the cutest Lolita to grace the world since Suiseiseki. Her little Sherlock Holmes impression was so adorable that I just wanted to pinch her cheeks and go, “d’awwwwwwww~”. Nothing more is needed.
(Yay me, I managed to write that paragraph without once making fun of the anime’s title)

Yumekui Merry
Genre: it hasn’t decided yet

Where have I seen this before? Oh right… everywhere.

Look creators, just because your protagonist has amnesia does not mean your series is on equal footing with the likes of Our Lord and Saviour Kanon. Putting that aside, this one does pique my interest. The characters seem interesting and the concept of dipping into dreams has a very Inception-like feel. However, the series can’t seem to pick a tone. It bounces from light-hearted romantic-comedy, to epic John Williams orchestral speeches, to random metal fight scene. It doesn’t make for a bad series, but it just feels weird. Also, the character’s mouths never seem to align properly. It’s as though they are eternally having a stroke. Anyway, let us move on to round one: Nekomimi versus Jack Skellington

Dragon Crisis
Genre: action-comedy

Taken out of context, this scene makes about as much sense as it does when taken with context.

I like to consider this series the aspartame of the season. It’s nice at the time, but leaves you unfulfilled and is forgotten once it’s over. The characters are uninteresting and the plot doesn’t make much sense (yet), but at the very least it has Rie Kugimiya saying “Ryuji” again. If all you want is to be reminded of Toradora, a much better anime, then you could do a lot worse than this one.

Oniichan no Koto Nanka Zenzen Suki Blah-de-blah-de-blah-etcetera
Genre: ecchi

This type of stocking is apparently designed to act as a tourniquet.

What the hell Japan? Seriously, what the hell? Can you ever let an anime season go by without some sister-brother fetishist anime passing? The whole “she’s-my-sister-but-only-by-adoption” shtick is getting old. It has always been more than a little creepy, but the sheer insistence of presenting it time and time again makes me start to question the anime industry as a whole, or should I say the anime industry’s view of its marketable audience. Anyway, this is another one of those anime. Take it for what it’s worth.

Rio: Rainbow Gate!
Genre: ecchi

Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooobs

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………….. Hmm? What? Oh, sorry, I was thinking of something else. Specifically, how much this anime sucks and how I’ll probably drop it if it doesn’t start making sense within the next few episodes.

Okay readers, I believe I have reached a conclusion. After much soul searching and digging through my somewhat extensive pop culture knowledge, I have finally decided on the song that most represents the 80s music era. It took some significant effort to try and define just how such a thing would be chosen. Here were my basic criteria:

• It had to have a repetitive but catchy synth line
• It had to have a trippy music video
• It had to be a one-hit wonder
• It had to be a song that everybody would recognize by sound, but could not name without a reminder
• The video has to have a creepy-looking lead singer
• It had to just feel 80s-ish

That last point is exceptionally ambiguous, but important. I could not possibly refine it any further, but I’m sure most of you are smart enough to understand.

I have decided that Baltimora’s “Tarzan Boy” meets and exceeds all of the criteria and is most representative of the 80s decade in music. The music video pretty much says everything that needs to be said.

This was a difficult decision, especially near the end when I tried to narrow it down from other top contenders, like Dead or Alive’s “You Spin Me Round” and Billy Ocean’s “Get Outta My Dreams, Get into My Car”. Ultimately, however, they were ruled out for being able to name the title without a hint and for not being a one-hit wonder, respectively.

Now to deal with this decision’s hate-mail…

by Jimbo
Jimbo News Network – Literary Correspondent

A US publisher, 1023 Publishing, is causing shockwaves across the literary world with its recently announced plans to censor future printed editions of Charlotte Bronte’s classic Jane Eyre. The publisher decided it was time to bring some of the book’s themes to a more politically correct level of morality. “We just don’t want to send the wrong message,” said 1023 Publishing spokesman Jimbo.

The primary change planned is to the existence of Mr. Rochester’s first wife, who was kept in an attic and forced Jane to abandon her beloved rather than force him to live in sin. In future editions, all such references will be removed. This will result in a significant decrease in the book’s content. “The change will force the book to end much sooner, around chapter twenty-six,” said the spokesman. “We already have plans to rewrite to a happier ending where the two are married sooner.”

1023 Publishing fears that these references to Mr. Rochester’s wife would cause backlash from the mentally handicapped and certain religious groups. A spokesperson from the Jimbo Institute of Mental Health had already stated that Mrs. Rochester’s violent behaviour is poorly representative of the mentally handicapped community and paints the wrong picture. Religious groups also frown upon even the slightest allusion to bigamy. “The last thing we want is even the seed of the idea being planted in a poor child’s mind,” said Pastor Jimbo of the Church of Multiplying Loaves and Fishes.

Literature fans across the country are decrying the decision. They claim that this is nothing more than desecration to a literary classic. On the other side of the table, high school English students are celebrating the decision on the position that it means fewer words they have to read.

I took some time out recently to read the apocryphal First Gospel of the Infancy of Jesus Christ, which was rather fun. The first half was a bizarre yawn-fest, but it definitely picks up after Jesus leaves his diapers. It’s at this point I have to admit that Jesus, as a child, was a bit of a prick. I don’t mean to fuel a religious Xanga argument, but that’s the way it seemed. Allow me to explain. In this gospel, Jesus did many things aside from healing leprosy with his bathwater and the like, such as:

• He turned a bunch of his playmates into sheep (I Infancy 17:7), albeit temporarily.
• He wouldn’t do proper carpentry with his father since he simply used magic to alter the wood (I Infancy 16:4).
• He walks into a dyer’s shop and throws all of the owner’s work into a furnace (I Infancy 15:10).
• He killed a snake even after it followed his orders of sucking poison out of a bite victim (I Infancy 18:16).
• He kills a bunch of people for doing nothing more than bullying him or punishing him (I Infancy 19:21, 19:24, 20:15). Joseph himself even said to Mary, “henceforth we will not allow him to go out of the house; for everyone who displeases him is killed.” (20:16)
• He scares his parents by abandoning them for three days while he talks science with scholars (I Infancy 21).

Granted, most children would probably act this way if given godlike powers, but you would think Jesus would be different.

I just added my 249th favourite YouTube video!