January 8, 2011

• Book Publisher to Censor Jane Eyre

  

  by Jimbo
  Jimbo News Network - Literary Correspondent

  A US publisher, 1023 Publishing, is causing shockwaves across the literary world with its recently announced plans to censor future printed editions of Charlotte Bronte's classic Jane Eyre. The publisher decided it was time to bring some of the book's themes to a more politically correct level of morality. "We just don't want to send the wrong message," said 1023 Publishing spokesman Jimbo.

  The primary change planned is to the existence of Mr. Rochester's first wife, who was kept in an attic and forced Jane to abandon her beloved rather than force him to live in sin. In future editions, all such references will be removed. This will result in a significant decrease in the book's content. "The change will force the book to end much sooner, around chapter twenty-six," said the spokesman. "We already have plans to rewrite to a happier ending where the two are married sooner."

  1023 Publishing fears that these references to Mr. Rochester's wife would cause backlash from the mentally handicapped and certain religious groups. A spokesperson from the Jimbo Institute of Mental Health had already stated that Mrs. Rochester's violent behaviour is poorly representative of the mentally handicapped community and paints the wrong picture. Religious groups also frown upon even the slightest allusion to bigamy. "The last thing we want is even the seed of the idea being planted in a poor child's mind," said Pastor Jimbo of the Church of Multiplying Loaves and Fishes.

  Literature fans across the country are decrying the decision. They claim that this is nothing more than desecration to a literary classic. On the other side of the table, high school English students are celebrating the decision on the position that it means fewer words they have to read.

  • 2:54 pm
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