The following is a true conversation

(Scene: Jimbo is ordering a pizza over the phone. The lady just asked what he would like to order)

Jimbo: Let me get a medium pizza with mushrooms and onions on it.
Lady: Would you like to upgrade that to a large? We have a special running where a large two-topping costs $11.99.
Jimbo: How much would my medium cost?
Lady: $17.99
Jimbo: Okay, go ahead an upgrade it.
Lady: Good. You wouldn’t believe how many people just say that costs too much.
Jimbo: Really?
Lady: Yeah, they never even ask.
Jimbo: You’d think that would be a pertinent question.
Lady: I know. Anyway, your total, after tax, comes to […]

by Jimbo
Jimbo News Network – Political Correspondent

In a last ditch effort to bring about literal change in Washington, President Obama spent much of New Year’s Eve in a DC retirement home. “I focused my campaign on change, and that’s what I’m going to do,” said the president while changing bedpans in the C wing.

While many of Obama’s efforts were ambiguously considered change, this is the first incident of bipartisan approval. President Obama went from room to room greeting the elderly of DC and brought about change of bedpan, adult diaper, and bed sheets. “Considering we can actually see it, this is change we can believe in,” said Speaker of the House hopeful John Boehner. 

“It really is nice of the President to come in and visit all of these people,” said the head manager of the retirement home, Silvia Silvis. “Admittedly, it is a bit entertaining.” She went on the list a few of the many puns being passed around the halls. For example, “I knew this ‘change’ was full of crap” and “the president has a lot of s–t to deal with.”

President Obama was unavailable for comment after the visit, but appeared glad to leave shortly after midnight on the first.