March 5, 2011

• Books That No One Should Read

  In order to compensate for my unpopular two-part series of posts, here are books I encourage everyone to crucify in their yard.

  Forrest Gump – Winston Groom
  Genre: crap
  I always, always, always hear people tell me that the book is always better than the movie. I used to think that too growing up until I read the book version of Forrest Gump. The movie was a loveable romp through history with a single dim-witted individual changing history and lives. The book only had the single dim-witted individual, with none of the loveableness or interesting views on the past. It was almost painful to read page after page of the rubbish.

  Her Fearful Symmetry – Audrey Niffenegger
  Genre: crap
  Frequent readers may be surprised by this entry since the author shares a spot on my Books That Everybody Should Read list. It looks like she was a one hit wonder, however, since this book is boring, unreadable tripe. I think I only reached the half-way point before banishing it to the back of my bookshelf. Like The Time-Traveler's Wife, it had one interesting niche that the story could hinge on, the recently deceased old lady who comes back as a ghost, but instead spends almost all of its time on the other characters of an ancient boarding house. This motley group consists of some of the most boring, angsty individuals I have ever encountered. The author should've followed the pattern of her last book and focused on the one or two characters that are actually interesting.

  Lilith – Siegmund Hurwitz
  Genre: crap
  I admit that the mythology of Lilith, the world's first feminist, really interests me. The only problem is that it's hard to find actual citations for the story. I tried this book since it seemed the closest to a scholarly book I could find. Unfortunately, it reads like it was written by a first-year college student (apologies to first-year college students). It jumps wildly from topic to topic and rarely finishes a single thread of thought. Half of the time, I had to stop and remind myself what the actual topic of the book was, because I think the author forgot too.

  The Lost Gate – Orson Scott Card
  Genre: crap
  Curse you Barnes & Noble and your discount book shelves. If it wasn't for tempting percentage-off stickers, I could've escaped without reading this tosh. Sadly, the lure was too great and I was forced to wade through what must be one of the worst “fantasy” books of all time. I'm not a big fan of the fantasy genre. The only reason I picked up this book (aside from the sale sticker), was because it had an interesting premise: a boy realizes one day he can create portals to go from one place to another whenever he wants. Sadly, instead of dwelling on this, the book revolves a series of mostly disconnected events that have nothing to do with anything. The only real plot takes place during the first few pages and the last few pages. Everything in between is nothing more than the author cashing in the royalty cheques.

  

  • 10:28 am
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