(or Cooking with Jimbo 12)

Since, it’s been almost a full year since our last installment, I thought we would go with a theme for this episode. We’re going to be cooking up a little something from the masterful television series My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Aww yeah, we’re cooking up some motherfnckin’ baked bads. Let me just throw up the ingredients list and get this show on the road:

1 cup sugar
~3 cups flour
2 tsp baking soda
2 eggs
Chips
20 oz. Soda
1 cup sour
Wheat worms

Start out by preheating the oven to 300 degrees (Fahrenheit). After that, begin the mixing with a very large bowl and add the eggs (removed from their shells) with the sugar (removed from it’s sack).

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Good morning everyone, I’m glad you could all make it to the presentation. Let me give you all the basic agenda of what’s going to happen.

For the first ten minutes or so, we’re going to be busy getting the projector working for the PowerPoint slideshow. It’s quite likely no one in this room knows how to get it working, even though all of us have seen tech support come in and get it working hundreds of times; therefore, we will again be calling tech support.

Once the projector is working, I’m going to spend a few minutes passing out a printout of the slideshow to each person individually. I simply don’t trust you all enough to hand the stack to one person and have it passed around while I’m talking. The astute members of the audience will read through the printout before I even begin speaking and safely ignore the actual speech while thinking about what they could be doing instead of sitting here.

I will begin the actual presentation with an overview slide going over each of the topics I will cover. A good percentage of you will glance over the slide, determine none of it is relevant or interesting, and drift off into a non-attentive stupor while I drone on. The rest of you won’t even be paying attention since I will be going over each of the bullet points in great detail as soon as I’m finished with this waste of a slide and time.

For the rest of the presentation, I will not look toward you at all. I never actually practiced the speech, so I will be looking directly at the projection on the wall. As such, each slide will be a huge jumble of text to play the roll of teleprompter instead of a visual aid for the audience. To keep you from ignoring the slides, however, they will frequently be interjected with out of place text animation and cutesy clip art.

For the few of you capable of actually paying attention to another human being in lieu of a slideshow, I will frequently break the flow of speech with an amplitude of um’s, err’s, like’s, y’know’s, whatever’s, and so on. I will also be giving equal emphasis to every word. That is to say: none at all. Body movement will be limited, save for the occasional click of the projector remote to advance slides.

By the conclusion, I will have lost the most important members of the audience who realized they had more important things to do, like airdust the gunk from their keyboards. I will finish up by going over a slide that’s almost identical to the introductory slide. I will ask if there are any questions, but it will be apparently obvious the only question on everyone’s mind will be, “can I go now?”

Lets get started, shall we?

With the first season of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic complete, I suddenly find myself facing the harsh reality of summer with nary a saucer-eyed equine to soften the blow. Rather than take to my temporary return to mental maturity quickly, I decided to act like a kid a little longer and visit the National Zoo on Mother’s Day. It was crowded and warm, but after walking around the paddocks for several hours, I can safely say that, if nothing else, the National Zoo has magnificent sweet potato fries.

Okay, fine, I suppose it was fun to see lots of rare animals and read little tidbits about them. There is nothing, however, that can disguise the simple fact that most animals are just incredibly boring. Truly, some of the most fun I had that day was watching the squirrels and sparrows bouncing around amongst the crowd.

Oh well. Here have some photos. (Note: Not shown are several photos I took with my 3DS within the reptile and small mammal houses, which, I might add, look awesome!)

Fun Fact: “Maintenance” is zoo code for “escaped animal”. Don’t tell anyone!

D’awwwwww~ Red panda!

To hell with giant pandas! I want to go back to the red panda paddock.

D’awwwwwww!

I would post more, but there’s so much other stuff to do.

Like watch more ponies.