October 6, 2012

• An Open Letter to Hotel Pillows

  

  Dear Hotel Pillows,

  Thanks for always being there when I needed a place to rest my head away from home. I can always count on you to cradle my head in your soft, bleach-scented embrace. I think, however, that we need to have a little talk. You are just a bit too large and fluffy.

  I am sure you have realized that I sleep on my stomach. When you are big and bulky all around, that makes for some very uncomfortable neck configurations when trying to sleep. The body doesn’t really work when one’s head is looking to the side and the neck is cricked backwards 45 to 70 degrees.

  Look, when there are six or seven of you on the bed at any given time, I think you can afford to give a little more in this relationship. I understand that you probably have to cater to a lot of customers, but how about giving a little variety? Here are some suggestions: big, poofy ones for people who sleep on their back, soft, flat ones for people who sleep on their stomach, those weird, tubular ones for people who sleep on their sides, anime-themed love pillows for the hopelessly lonely, wooden blocks for geisha, etcetera.

  I believe that if you cater to a wider variety of sleepers in this way, you can appease more customers and ensure more repeat business for your hotel. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I intend to write to your old friend, the mattress, pretty soon about spring count.

  Yours truly,
  Jimbo

  • 7:54 am
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