September 30, 2012

• Hotel Transylvania, a review

  

  Well, the day finally arrived. For reasons that can be best described as a weird inside joke, a friend and I have been hyping up for this movie for months. The reason was simple: the absolutely adorable vampire goth girl with striped stockings. Despite all of the warning lights flashing above our head (dopey-sounding human protagonist, modern soundtrack, Adam Sandler), the need to see this film was overpowering. Never underestimate the power of striped stockings on the male psyche. Also, being directed by Genndy Tartakovsky helps.

  I’ll come right out and say that Hotel Mavis felt incredibly short. I don’t know if it was the several randomly interspersed song and dance routines, the ridiculously abrupt denouement, or the unforgivable shortage of scenes with Mavis. It just did not feel like it filled out the full 90 minutes of its runtime. Maybe it was just how all of the characters seemed to move at two-times normal speed in everything they did.

  There was nothing to really complain about with the plot. It was essentially about a father trying to protect his only daughter in a world he increasingly does not relate with. What I can complain about is the dreadful choice of human they had pair up with our pure, goth-styled goddess. He was basically an amalgamation of every person I would’ve punched throughout high school if I wasn’t such a coward. The kind of person with no goals or motivation, and did nothing but try to chit-chat about nothing and mess around when you were trying to actually accomplish things. The fact that that kind of prick ended up getting together with Mavis, hallowed be Her name, does nothing but rub salt in the wounds.

  Since I put so much importance on endings, let me take a paragraph to harp about Hotel Mavis’s conclusion. I really get the feeling that the writers ran up against a wall and said, “oh crap, we ran outta time. We better rush the ending if we want to fit anything in!” The modern townsfolk were way too understanding of Dracula and company, the bat physics were wacky, and, most damning of all, it ended with a mind-numbingly terrible song and dance. Seriously, a part of me died that day.

  Mind, the movie was not terrible. Despite all of its faults, I still managed to get a significant number of “lulz”, as it were. I was especially fond of the banter with the wolfman (Wayne) and the invisible man (Griffin). The snappy animations of all of the characters were more entertaining than I would’ve thought, and they were so consistent that it practically became a shtick throughout the movie. All of the little hints they drop about vampire tropes made me giggle as well (Dracula does not go “bleh bleh bleh”, where does that even come from?). Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, it took about two seconds to take the piss out of Twilight. Always a noble effort.

  To sum up my feelings about Hotel Mavis, I’m going to say it was remarkably average. I can’t really call it a good movie, but I don’t regret seeing it. I’d give it a wait-until-you-can-rent-it worthy 6.93422/10.23 stars. I truly think Hotel Mavis would’ve made a much better television show than a movie.

  Now that the hype is over for Hotel Mavis, I can start getting hyped for what is going to be this year’s greatest movie: Wreck-It Ralph!

  • 8:18 am
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