!!! BREAD IS DANGEROUS !!!

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons
are bread users.

2. Fully HALF of all children who grow
up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.

3. In the 18th century, when virtually
all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than
50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died
in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza
ravaged whole nations.

4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes
are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.

5. Bread is made from a substance called
"dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be
used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that
in one month!

6. Primitive tribal societies that have
no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease,
and osteoporosis.

7. Bread has been proven to be addictive.
Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread
after as little as two days.

8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item,
leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter,
and even cold cuts.

9. Bread has been proven to absorb water.
Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating
bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food
product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.

10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.

11. Bread is baked at temperatures as
high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in
less than one minute.

12. Most American bread eaters are utterly
unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless
statistical babbling.

In light of these frightening statistics,
it has been proposed that the following bread restrictions be made:

1. No sale of bread to minors.

2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast"
campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.

3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread
to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.

4. No animal or human images, nor any
primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread
usage.

5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones
around schools.

This information was taken without permission from this website.

Well, 6/6/6 has passed without incident. I kind of figured as much since there was a 6/6/6 about one-hundred years ago. Whatever. Anyway, I've been reading a lot of controversy articles about the manga publisher Tokyopop recently. Specifically about the name change of a certain manga from "Karin" to "Chibi Vampire." The conspirators say it is all a marketing ploy. Well, duh! You say that like it's a bad thing, you commie. It is capitalism in action. For one thing, it sounded too much like another title they publish. Another reason for the switch is probably to get more people to make the purchase. Imagine the average American picking up "Karin." He would probably say something like, "Karin? What the f~ck is this sh~t? I better put this d~mn sh~t back." Now, imagine the same American picking up "Chibi Vampire." It would go a little something like this, hit it, "Chibi Vampire? What the f~ck does motherf~cking 'chibi' mean? Maybe I'll buy the d~mn thing and find out." Aftering handing over the MSRP of $9.99 + tax, he'll find that chibi means motherf~cking adorable¹. See? It works! So cool your guns. There is nothing wrong with Tokyopop. If you really want to complain, why don't you point at Viz and whine about what they've done to the Naruto manga. "Art of the Doppelganger" indeed! Now, if you'll excuse me; I picked up a huge case of pocky and Liberty City Stories yesterday, so I am very busy.

1. Yes, I know 'chibi' technically means 'small,' but for all intents and purposes (and humor) I'm leaving it as motherf~cking adorable.

Brainstormin' Session for "Snakes on a Plane"

Producer: "Hey, I have an idea. Lets call up Samuel Jackson and see if he's willing to play the lead role."
Intern: "You're joking, right sir?"
Producer: "Of course I am. Now get to it. I want to hear his reaction. This should be fun."
Intern: (sigh) "Yes sir."
A few days later
Producer: "Alright, now the movie is called Snakes on a Plane, and I want you to play the lead role."
Matt Damon: "Matt Damon..."
Producer: "Heh-hey, that's terrific! Alright, first let me ask-"
Intern opens door and runs in
Intern: "Sir, Mr. Jackson just agreed to play the lead!"
Producer" "That's great! Get outta here loser!"
Producer pushes Damon out of fifteenth story window
Matt Damon: "MATT DAMOOOOO0N!"
Producer: "Alright, lets start taking this film seriously. Say, why don't we change the movie title?"

Sorry about the delayed entry. My internet was down for most of the weekend. I meant to update on Friday. Oh well. Anyway, I got to visit Stephen, Robert, and Amora up north from Wednesday to Friday last week. Basically that amounted to playing video games for the better part of 48 hours. Not that I'm complaining, of course. Anyway, that was great. It relieved a lot of stress and made another year down here bearable. I hope to come up again. Maybe around August 18th. Maybe. Those crazy northerners. Oh, and Robert, I blame you for making me want to play Majora's Mask again.