Recently, I had my monthly performance review at work. They asked me what my goals were for the coming month. My response was something like this, but not as clever. I said my goal was to reach "nirvana" by playing video games for a majority of the month. My boss didn't take that too kindly. Anyway, Wally is one of my heroes, and I hope to grow up to be just like him: lazy and grossly overpaid.

I must say, I want some stamps like that here in the U.S. of A. Anyway, while video games in America are caught up in a quagmire of political rubbish, gaming in France is getting a huge government boost. Reports today say that the French parliament is offering a tax credit of 20% for production costs if the game includes some French cultural references. What could that possibly mean? How about Napoleon: The First Person Shooter, or Throw Your Hands in the Air: France in WWII (okay, perhaps that was in bad taste). Anyway, don't think that all French games are lousy. Remember that France is the home of Ubisoft (Myst, Rayman, Far Cry, etc.) and Infogrames (Worms, etc.). At the moment, the EU has launched a commission to ensure that this does not constitute an illegal subsidy. If all goes well, there is potential for the price of games to go down! This may prove handy for you lot who own PS3s and 360s.

Also, I want you all to go to Google and type in "the answer to life, the universe, and everything". Google Calculator should make everything clear to you.

"Okay class, that was Melissa's father who is a police officer."
"Let's see you beat that, Cindy."
Cindy stuck her tongue out at Melissa.
"Next is Cindy's father. Tell the class what he does, Cindy."
Cindy stands.
"This is my dad! He kills people."
The eyes of the classmates widen. Cindy's father stands.
"Ha ha, that's right Cindy. Now, you just heard from Melissa's father about policing..."
He smiles and nods wryly towards Melissa's father, who glares back at him.
"... but there is much more to it. Now, he may have wowed you with his tales about capturing murderers... but what happens after that? As my daughter so eloquently put it, I kill these people. I... am an executioner!"
The classmates continue to gaze in awed silence.
"Yes, I must say, I feel a great sense of pride every time I shout, 'dead man walkin' down the Green Mile!' Though they hide it, I know everyone on death row is laughing on the inside at my little joke. Yes, I still remember the day I decided to become a professional killer. My father was brutally murdered by pruning sheers wielded by a disgruntled ex-employee. The police arrested him and put him in jail. I thought, 'what a bunch of wussies.' Then, when my mom and I went to watch the guy go into the chair, and I watched my hero throw that switch, that's when I realized what I wanted to be. I want to be a harbinger of relief to families who lost someone. In some ways... I feel superior to your average cop."
Cindy's dad gazed at the ceiling with tears forming in his eyes.
The students' mouths were agape.
Cindy whispered to Melissa, "in your face!"

A few notes from Jimbo: This post was based on some thoughts I had. I was thinking about odd jobs, then I wondered what it would be like for some of these people to visit on their child's "Career Day." This story was really just a stream of consciousness from that one idea. I think it turned out pretty well actually, albeit a bit morbid. It's funny though, because you would never expect to hear this. Ever. On another note... eight comments on my last post! Crikey, I hope I can live up to that. If I can just keep getting more regular readers, I'll be in business.

Currently Listening The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, Object Song Vol. 324: Yuki Nagato's Chair Made in China see related

Normally, I like the Super Bowl. I don't like watching it, but I like that idea that for just one evening, just about every man in the country is sitting down with a bunch of friends and snacks and generally having fun. That's what this country needs more of: people having fun. This was captured in a Frito-Lay commercial, where it showed a family through several generations sitting around a TV watching the big game with bags of chips all around. That's what it's all about.

Okay, enough with the sentimentals. I know the big game is really about the commercials (for me, anyway)! Was I ever disappointed! There was not a single commercial that I saw that truly stuck out. They were all, to put it lightly, absolute rubbish. Doritos was bragging about its fan-made commercials, but they were all yawn-fests. This years AdBowl said that Budweiser's "Rock-Paper-Scissors" was number one, but I did not think it was that funny. The only good one was an old one from Coca-Cola that was based on Grand Theft Auto. I'll admit that was funny, but otherwise there was nothing good. For shame, Super Bowl XLI. You should learn from your predecessors. The best part about the game, though, was the half-time show, which featured Prince. Freakin' PRINCE! How awesome is that!? (Answer: very)

Whenever I read one of those lists that follow the lines of
“the best games you probably never played,” it is always saddening to see the
game Ico near the top. I can not agree with this list more. I got Ico shortly
after I got my Playstation 2. Literally, it was the second game I ever owned
for the system, and let’s just say that it is bloody awesome! Let me give you
some reasons why you should go out and play this game right now.
 

• Graphics
  ~ This game is beautiful. And when I say that, I mean it is gorgeous. And
  when I say that, well, you get the idea. The outdoor backgrounds seem to
  span on into the distance for miles, while the interiors are startlingly
  detailed. Words do not do the graphics justice. You would have to see it
  to believe it.
• Controls
  ~ A return to the control schemes of yesterday. There is a button for
  jumping, attacking, and actions. That’s about it. Yet with only these
  limited commands, the amount you have to do with them all is amazing.
• Gameplay
  ~ Even with the simple control scheme, you still have so much to do. Ico
  will have you exploring ever nook and cranny for the small, rusted lever
  that opens the door to the next room. There is no gem-collecting in this
  game. It is purely about escaping the horrible fate that befalls the main
  character. Sometimes the puzzles can be extremely tricky, and will require
  a lot of thought. One example includes a point where is bridge to the
  other side of the area is out, and you would have to blow up a water tower
  so that it falls in just the right way to form a bridge to the other side.
  It is ingenious, really. Also, a lot of games attempt to slide escort
  missions into the story, but this game actually pulls it off with amazing
  results. The girl you are trying to protect (and essentially take
  advantage of) may be weak, but she is not entirely stupid. When monsters
  come to carry her away, she won’t just stand there. She will run away from
  them. This works for some monster, but others may be faster than her, or
  some have wings and will swoop down to take her away. To save her, you
  must attack. There is no HP in this game, so you don’t have to worry about
  dying from monsters, but that does not mean it is a cake-walk. You will
  have to use your head to protect the girl before she is taken away and you
  suffer a terrible curse.

I suppose that that is enough for now. I say once again that
you should all play this game. In fact, go and buy it right now. Buy it new, if
you can. You certainly don’t want to buy it used. If you do that, then the
developers would not see a nickel of that money, and it will only go to those
greedy video-game store owners. What kind of world do we live in where we would
steal grains of rice from the mouths of hungry developers? Go and buy it,
please. While you’re at it, pick me up a dozen eggs. I’m fresh out. Thank you.

Okay, all. As you know from reading my blog, the game Rune Factory will be coming out in English this year (FSM willing), and the time has come where I ask you, the loyal readers, for some advice. I am currently at a debate. Like most Harvest Moon games, Rune Factory has a marriage system, and I need to decide who the lucky lady will be for the main character. I have currently narrowed it down to two, but I can't decide. So lets see today's bachelorettes!

Bianca

This lovely lady hails from the richer side of life. She's adorable and girly, but often acts a little self-centered.

Torte

The little bibliophile who can often be seen chilling in the library. A little nerdy, but a nice girl all around. She's especially fond of reading, long walks in the library, and piña cooladas... anytime!

More news on Rune Factory and other Harvest Moon games as events warrant!

• If Carmen Sandiego and Waldo were to have a kid, would they ever find him?
• Is there a name for the phenomenon that describes the feeling you get when you take off a hat, but it still feels like it's there?
• What ever happened to silly putty? Do kids still play with it?
• Teacher says I wouldn't have so many nose-bleeds if I just kept my finger outta there.
• If there's a midlife crisis, why isn't there a quarterlife crisis. Oh wait, there is. It's called college.
• Computers and firearms both have a point-and-click interface, though I think a computer can do more damage.
• It's hard to believe that GTA: San Andreas is the number one selling game in Japan this week, but it is. It makes me wonder how they localized it.
• Just remember that most of the universe is a vacuum, and that most vacuums suck; therefore, the universe sucks. And don't give me any of this "science never sucks" bologna!
• I think it's kind of funny seeing a driver of a hybrid car smoking a cigarette.
• Whenever you hear the phrase "take it like a man," remember that that also entails not sending a "thank you" card afterwards.
• Bring out your dead! *bing* Bring out your dead!
• Most of these thoughts I could easily develop into a full-length article, but I'm far too lazy to.
• I wonder how many people press zero on their phone when they want to enter the letter O, P, E, or R.
• True Fact: The Weird Al song "Pancreas" helped me on a recent biology test.
• True Fact: The phrase "true fact" is redundant.
• Diplomatic immunity must be nice.
• Why are there always scratches on DVDs from the library? Always!
• I recently looked at the ingredients in my loaf of bread and realized it contained water.
• To continue posting music videos at the end of this sort of post, here is Daft Punk with "Digital Love."

Holy Flying Spaghetti Monster, I hope this comes out in America. It's like playing Animal Crossing, except you don't have to do anything. It seems to base itself on Animal Crossing: Wild World, considering the existence of Celeste. As far as I can tell, there is no plot per se. The main character, Ai, moves into a little animal village and starts living her life. Then, at some point, she finds a bottle that tells her to “Plant a Conifer and on the night of the Snow Festival something miraculous will happen.” She follows the instructions, but that's where the synopsis ends. How can I possibly live with suspense like that!?