Sometimes the most entertaining conversations I have are silently formulated within my head. One such conversation took place while I was driving to work (isn't that always the case?). I was in a long right-turn only lane when the car in front of me left out of the lane. So I accelerated, considered her a schmuck, and attempted to close the gap. I had managed to close the gap to within a few molecules (the car in front was going a little too slow) when she hit her blinker in an attempt to pull back into the turn only lane. Well, I wasn't about to let that happen. Here is what went through my head, with Ego representing myself, and Id also representing myself.

Ego: Nope, there is no way in heck I'm letting you back in here. You better slow down and file in behind me.
Id: That's right! I don't care who you are. I wouldn't let you in even if you were the late Laura Bush.
Ego: Wait. "Late" Laura Bush?
Id: Yeah, you didn't know? She's been dead for years now.
Ego: No way. I just saw her at her daughter's wedding. It was on just about every news station.
Id: What you saw is a robot doppelganger. It would be too inconvenient for the president to be a widow. He wouldn't be electable.
Ego: Uh… yeah. If you say so.
Id: Search your feelings; you know it to be true.
Ego: Wait, aren't you me? Would it matter what I felt was the truth?
Id: That's for the philosophers to decide.

What's this? Is it true? It is!? Yes, I finally finished my finals last night. This semester is
now over. After getting home last night, I decided to go all out and celebrate
with a bowel movement. It was fantastic. Afterwards, the festivities continued
with the fantastic party activity of going immediately to sleep (I was up most
of the night before cramming). In all, I think I did fairly well. My database
final was a "bee-to-the-izitch", if you will, but I think I scraped a
passing grade, thus earning at minimum a B in the course. The others were cake
(or pie, depending on preference) in comparison. It's a bit of a pity I did so
well. I had such a beautiful sword lined up for my hara-kiri. Oh well. Summer
break is now upon me, and that means it's...

Lucky for me, all of my finals are today. Wish me luck, all of you. It is my hope that you all will wish me so much luck that knowledge itself will not be necessary to make it through the day (please tell me that's how that works).

Class, let us give Andy's father, Mr. Andrews, a round of applause.
Thank you.
Okay, next up is Mary's father, Mr. um... E?
Agent E, ma'm.
Yes, of course. So Agent E, you look quite well dressed. What is your job?
I work for the government.
...
...
I see. And what do you do for the government?
I'm afraid that's classified information. Let's just say I do... odd-jobs.
Er... okay then. Why don't we take some questions from the class? Hands please, everyone. Yes, Timmy.
Is that a telephone cord in your ear?
... Yes, let us just leave it at that.
What's it for?
You never know when you will need an extra telephone card.
But why keep it in your ear?
I have my reasons.
Teacher, his stare is starting to sca-
Angela, did you have a question?
How do you see out of those dark sunglasses?
Very carefully.
How can you stand so still?
That's classified.
My dad presents after you and he's a professional wrestler. I'll bet he can beat you up.
No, he can't.
Wait, what did you-
What was that?
Don't give me any of that telephone cord hogwash. I know nobody's "calling" you over that thing. Get your finger outta your ear and-
I'll be right there.
Hey, stop interrupt-
I'm sorry, but I need to get back to work. Thank you for your time. I must be taking my leave.
You wait right there, bu- What the?
Cool, he just walked right through that wall.
That's my dad.

Yes, I'm that big of a
geek that I went to see the new Speed Racer movie the day it came out. Let me
just say that it was awesome. I went there expecting to see Speed do a lot of
crazy stuff in his Mach-5, and that is just what I got. By keeping plot
development to a minimum, it was able to keep the action more-or-less constant
(similar to a porno). Combined with this were all of the elements that make a
movie like this great: amazing visuals, cheesy dialogue, physics defiance,
and... NINJA! That's right, this movie had ninja. Oh, and for a little while it
featured Spritle playing air guitar to Free Bird. Still, the core of the movie
was about the races. The Wachowski brothers made each race an epilepsy-inducing
roller coaster ride that decided rails were for sissies. There were more loops
than a Sonic game, and more corkscrews than a fancy-pants restaurant. It was
great. There were also points where it seemed to give a nod to the anime source
material with its trippy combat backgrounds. It almost seemed like they were
trying to make a real-life anime (wait...). My only real gripe with the movie
was the lack of stereotypical pirates. It had ninja and Norsemen, but not the
Flying Spaghetti Monster's chosen people. Well, I guess I'll just have to
accept the film's corporate crooks as pirates and move on. I cannot recommend
this movie enough, especially if you need some stimulation after writing an
eight-page paper on the state of the economy.

Score: 9.35700456 / 10.0

On an unrelated note: I had dinner at the mall's food
court after the movie and saw something that almost beat the movie on the
awesome scale. There was this lady sitting in the next table over who was
probably born during the Taft administration. She sat down at about the same
time I did, and in the time it took me to eat a single slice of pizza, she
managed to polish off a full rack of ribs. God(s) bless America.

We must obey the Civil Defense worker.

While I continue to study for my finals next week, I will be supplying a wealth of cheesy YouTube videos from my favorites vault. Here's one now: POWERTHIRST

Just when you thought science was dead...

ROBO-SPIDER!(Do want)

When I saw Iron Man
yesterday evening, I left with muddled opinions. I truly enjoyed the movie, but
I was highly disappointed at the same time. I went to the theatre expecting to
see Iron Man go and blow $#@7 up. There was maybe only about ten minutes of
that. Everything else revolved around Tony Stark and his midlife crisis. Don't
get me wrong; I think he was one of the greatest movie characters since Nick
Naylor in Thank You For Smoking, or
Posh Spice from Spice World. He was
smart, funny, witty, and, above all, had an awesome goatee. The actor playing
him (name unimportant) did a fantastic job making him real. If the movie was
not called Iron Man, I would have
enjoyed it more (maybe Thank You For
Shooting). I think this is a trap more and more super hero movies are
falling into. They focus more on character development rather than, as I so
eloquently put it, blowing $#@7 up. Another foul point for me was the ending. I
will place my thoughts in a special Iron Man-red spoiler box (highlight to
read)

Iron Man got the snot beat out of him. I was thoroughly disappointed. Also, Pepper McChastitybelt was as cold as ice to Stark's advances. Shameful.

The very end felt rushed and abrupt. When the credits
started rolling, I let out a roar of disappointment. Sure, it sounded like a
"woo!" and applause, but the malice was there. At least I left the
theatre with a new hero (Stark, not Iron Man).

Score: 7.6349082 / 10.0