July 31, 2008

  • I Was Born a Babbling Man

    Since I'm living on my
    own now, I think it's time I started developing a hobby I always wanted to try.
    I'm going to start muttering to myself. The best part about this hobby is that
    I can do it whenever I want to. It doesn’t matter if I'm in a crowd, or alone
    at home. I can just start muttering. As an added incentive, most people in the
    world are probably too timid to tell a person muttering to keep quiet.
    Raskolnikov from Crime and Punishment
    is going to become one of my new heroes, as I can think of no better mutterer
    to have as a role model. I plan to take to this hobby slowly. I don't think
    it's possible to just dive in and start babbling nonsense to yourself. I'll
    start off simply with coherent and thought-out sentences spoken in a hushed,
    low voice. This will probably materialize as a long string of complaints. As I
    feel more comfortable with this tone of voice, I intend to become less
    coherent. I'll start making up words and inserting long and short pauses
    arbitrarily throughout my monologues. Hopefully I can extend this with abrupt
    topic shifts. With further practice, I hope to finally develop it into full
    arguments with myself. These arguments will be kept private with a large
    vocabulary of completely nonsensical words. With any luck, this hobby will
    completely alienate me from the rest of society, which is basically the whole
    purpose. I wonder if they have a Muttering
    for Dummies
    .

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