November 9, 2008

• War has lost its edge

  I'm starting to think war has lost its edge. Nowadays we have all sorts of new toys. Bunker busters, heat seeking missiles, carpet bombing, sniper rifles... that isn't war. That's just killing stuff. When I picture a war, I picture huge armies amassing to face one another. Generals meet just before battle to shake hands and share pithy one-liners. I picture earth-shaking war cries and banners held proud and high. Let me tell you, in my image of warfare, you know exactly who killed you. You can look your opponent in the eye and give him a heartfelt "f-ck you" in your final breath. This is where friendly rivalries and regular, old rivalries are born. Do we even have any heroes anymore? Don't give me any of that "all soldiers are heroes" garbage. That doesn't stand the test of time. How many of the soldiers at Thermopylae can you name? That's right, just one (ol' What's-his-name). And what happened to sacking cities? If we're going to go around forcing democracy on people, the least they could do is let us steal their goods and have our way with their women. Imagine the newspaper headline "US TROOPS SACK BAGHDAD" (joke lovingly lifted from George Carlin). We don't even need to see our enemies on the visible spectrum any more. Got 'im on infrared? Kill 'im. I tell you, gunpowder ruined warfare. Sheesh. And don't get me started on nuclear weapons. The ultimate weapon for wussies.

  

  • 10:40 am
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