November 13, 2008
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Results may vary
One of my favorite marketing phrases of all time must be "results may vary". This is practically a "get out of jail free" card. If you tack that on to the end of any commercial, you can say whatever you want. You can sell shards of broken glass and call them weight loss pills. Hey, results may vary. This one chick lost weight while taking them. Granted, she had liposuction and a tummy tuck as well, but she never stopped taking them. At least, that was before she died of irreparable stomach lacerations. The formaldehyde did wonders for her figure, though. On the flip side, some people will not experience any sort of weight loss while on this supplement. What can I say? Results may vary. I warned you, didn't I?
I think I should go into marketing. To the devil with my current planned career path; I'm have my mid-life crisis now! Yes, I shall go into marketing and use this line constantly. Results may vary. Heck, I'll put it at the end of my résumé. I'll make that perfectly clear before they hire me. Imagine how many products I can apply this to: shampoo, bear traps, condoms, mail-order brides, Jesus fish car decals... all kinds of crap! Oh, and lets not forget our friend, the 40-pound box of rape* -
* Results may vary
Comments (3)
It is the perfect "cover your ass" disclaimer, eh?
Hey, is that book ("Science and nonbelief") any good? Or did you just put it there to brag?
@In_Reason_I_Trust - Honestly, I just started reading it, so I can't say yet. It looks good, so I have high hopes.
Oh yea I was thinking about that too but I have like 8 books in my queue. Let me know how it is when you're done!
I always preface that before sex: "Results may vary! Orgasms may not apply to all. Side effects include cases of "wtf was that?", premature dissatisfaction, anti-asian sentiment, and 40 lbs of rape."