January 18, 2009
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Proofreader Needed
Alright folks, for my next trick I shall try something different. Today, I shall try to rationalize the Bible. I came to notice something that, in hindsight, stood out like an Asian KKK member. Okay congregation, let us open the good book to the very beginning of Genesis. Let us all repeat what was created and on what days: (1) light and the separation of night and day, (2) the "firmament", (3) land and plants, (4) sun, moon, stars (and, oddly, the separation of night and day again), (5) fish and birds, and (5... or 6 for those keeping count) land animals and man. Everybody knows this already; I was just rewriting it because I'm a misanthrope. The thing that I noticed is in the very next chapter. It claims that God created man before he created plants (2:4-7). At least, that's how I read it. I have read both the NIV and the KJV, and they both sounded a little ambiguous. It could just as well have meant that the plants were there, they just didn't sprout yet. Though, I guess that would be a bit silly since the animals that were created the day after next would have nothing to eat. More likely, somebody just didn't bother to proofread their work.Ah, enough seriousness (not my forte); let us get silly. The reason that plants had to appear before and after man is because of the breed of plant that existed first. How can I put this eloquently? If you believe the story, then God is supposedly above us at all times. On the third day of creation, however, God was even more "high" than usual. Hard to blame Him, really, considering the plants He decided to create. I suppose being whacked out on the ganja would make anybody want to separate night and day a second time. Being a god, he needed to smoke A LOT of the stuff to feel anything, and needless to say he ended up smoking it all. Whoops.
"Anyone who can worship a trinity and insist that his religion is a monotheism can believe anything--just give him time to rationalize it. Forgive me for being blunt." - Robert Heinlein
Comments (5)
"And.... and.... and, I created MAN!!.... wait...... what was I doing?"
I'd hate to have His case of the munchies afterward. But wait, (assuming the 6 day thing was right) Taco Bell and Cheetos wouldn't come along for another few months, what did God have in the meantime to settle his munchies?
@drung888 - Unicorns and dragons.
@Jimbo1023 - Oh my...
I love the quote by Heinlein.