March 12, 2009
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De-baptizing the Baptized
by Jimbo - Religious Correspondent
Jimbo News Network
It seems that a new fad is raging through the country. It is a certain religious ritual known as a de-baptism. "It is meant to be a cleansing of all other religions," says leading clergyman of the Jimboism religious movement, Jimbo. The ritual, he explains, involves the dripping of oil onto the forehead of the de-baptized or, in extreme cases, the full bodily immersion in a vat of oil. The oil is not heated in any way, so damages are kept to a minimum. Jimbo explains that because of a lipid's hydrophobic properties, it is meant to repel and strip away the baptismal water. This is all symbolic, of course, as the original water would have been washed away the next time the person cleaned, making the ritual otherwise silly. "Of course, it only washes away a specific religion," clergyman Jimbo continues. "It is a rather big religion, though. It is significantly easier to just do one cover-all ritual than go through each religion one after another." JImboism is, of course, a religion that prides itself in efficiency and expediency. They decided to make this ritual representative of all religions being washed away. "We want to make sure you are all cleaned up before joining the fold."
According to common beliefs, a baptism is meant to wash away the so-called "original sin" of mankind. Jimbo tells that this ritual "washes away the washing away." When pressed for further details, he simply smiled and tapped his nose.
Certain Christian groups have expressed outrage on this obvious attack against their beliefs. "When a person is baptized, it's permanent," says Father Francis of the Church of the Multiplying Loaves & Fishes. "Having a religion blatantly hate against another religion is wrong and should be rallied against." In a rebuttal, senior Jimboism clergy members stuck their fingers in their ears and sang "la la la, we can't hear you!"
Comments (4)
Mehh, if you don't believe, then why would it matter if you were Baptized?
I was never Baptized so I guess I can't relate. Good thing too because I think only adults who are willing should be Baptized.
Dude, it's like our posts are in a cause-effect relationship or something like that.
I've heard of de-baptism ceremonies. The ones I've heard about merely consist of having someone use a blow-dryer to "dry away" (symbolically, of course) the "holy water" used in baptism. I think I like that better than getting oil on me, ya know? It's cleaner, and enables me to get right to the booze-riddled party that should follow.
In a rebuttal, senior Jimboism clergy members stuck their fingers in their ears and sang "la la la, we can't hear you!"
That's as good a rebuttal as I've heard from many Christians. Heh, heh.
You have too many religions.
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